Did anyone choose not to do IVF and accept being childfree?

[Cupofhappyness]

I’m at a crossroads with infertility. I was always a little on the fence in regards to having children- but more so because I’ve seen the not so rosy side of motherhood- but despite reservations decided I wanted to be a mother and have a child with my DH.

Well we have struggled to have a DC for a number of years and we have now been referred for IVF.

I’m not sure I want to go down the IVF route for a number of reasons, including that I had reservations over pregnancy/motherhood in the first place.

I want to hear if anyone chose not to do IVF, knowing they may stay childfree and how that decision sits with them now?

We were referred for ICSI after a long time trying, and I felt the same, not sure if we wanted to go that far and through the upheaval.
However, in the interim we were offered up to 6 cycled of Clomid treatment. I thought it wouldn't work given that both my husband and I had fertility problems, but 3 cycles later I was pregnant and the baby is now 22. We also have a younger child via Clomid too.
Could this be an option for you?

Me. I had loads of miscarriages. Several of my friends had IVF and I hated what the treatment did to them, it was hard. Put a terrible strain on their relationships, too.

Although I wanted kids, I wasn't desperate like many women are. I'm fine with the very real benefits of not having them. YMMV. Also, I don't know how much fertility treatment may have changed since my time - it's still massive hormone injections and not being in control of your own life, though. I feel I made the right decision for me.

They haven’t mentioned Clomid…I’ll ask! I know my progesterone is really good post ovulation so I don’t think they think I need an ovulation boost.

I have quite a few friends/acquaintances who have had IVF and it hasn’t worked, and they say how awful it is so I know that is also influencing my decision making.

Having not planned to have children, I did actually conceive naturally at 40, but I was very clear either DH that, bluntly, I didn’t want it enough to do IVF or adopt.

i was unable to conceive naturally but never contemplated IVF. DH & I decided that it was just one of those rubbish things about life

I don't say I'm child free because I'm not "free" of the children I wanted, I say I'm without children or childless

ive come to terms with it because you have to abd my life is different hi what I envisaged. Not worse, just different

I'm inmy70s now, and when we were seeking infertility treatment IVF wasn't on the NHS and we couldn't have afforded it. We just got on with our lives, and though I'm sad at being childless, I wasn't as desperate as some woman can be, and have come to terms with it.

We didn’t have kids . We went for gp appointment which was really just initial screening. My bloods were ok , he had a low sperm count. A few years later I was diagnosed with a huge fibroid needing a hysterectomy. This may have been there at the time making it more difficult, I’m not sure.

we were both of the school of thought of ‘if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t’ and weren’t desperate enough for kids to go down the ivf route which we know is difficult and not always successful. Sometimes I regret it but other times I don’t. Friends and family with kids do struggle with the emotional, practical and financial side of kids and I think it’s difficult to have children in this day and age.

I had IVF and it didn’t work. TBH I wish I had not bothered and accepted being childfree at the time. I’m 65 now, my infertility journey ended 20 years ago and life is really good.

I think choosing not do have IVF is a perfectly valid option. It’s expensive if NHS is not an option, gruelling, emotionally and physically (well it was for me) and the likelihood of it not working is still pretty high.

Similar story here. We thought about doing IVF but at that point I was already in my early 40s and then the pandemic happened. So by the time we were considering IVF again the odds were so low and the consultant actually recommended donor egg IVF. In the end we didn’t go down that route and I’m now childless.

I think it was the right decision as I suffer from a chronic pain condition and we didn’t want to put my body through IVF. On bad days I feel like maybe we should have done it, that we didn’t try everything. I wanted kids with my husband (whom I met rather late in life, unfortunately) but not at any cost. So there still is sadness and grief but also the feeling that we did the right thing.

I took the view I didn’t want to undergo interventions, years of gynae problems took their toll, if it wasn’t meant to be so be it. Never regretted it, particularly when I saw the impact IVF etc had on friends of mine.

We made the decision not to proceed with fertility treatments after a long and painful journey to try and have kids. I accepted that around 7 years ago and if anything I am relieved it didn’t happen for us.

I was physically and mentally exhausted after over 10 years of trying, medical appointments, loss and operations and I just couldn’t put myself and my body through anything else. I’m glad we made peace with it- we have a nice life and are happy. My partner was and still is totally on board as he could see how much it took from me. No regrets

I’m never sure which term to use. I think we feel similar, our preferred choice is children but I also think we can have a good life without-and the child filled life we do envisage may in reality be worse than being without children.

I’ve also seen this toll and it is part of what makes me question going down that route. I’ve also not had any colleagues/friends who have had succesful IVF so that probably contributes.

We always thought we'd have children in the normal order of things, but after nine years of marriage and "trying" decided it wasn't meant to be. We were never going to have children and were resigned to the fact we'd live a different life. Spent the savings we'd put by for "a family" on a holiday, and came back pregnant!

We TTC for 6 years with no luck. Jumped through all the hoops for starting IVF on NHS and got referred for a hycosy test. By that point I had made my peace with being childless as a sort of coping mechanism. Unbeknownst to me, I was already pregnant at our initial appt where I was referred for the hycosy test but had no symptoms and only took a test at home on a whim, expecting it to be negative as usual. The nurse said it happens a lot because couples relax and almost admit defeat which does make sense I suppose

I was a late starter and didn't meet my DH until 37, we were both on the fence about having children and decided that we'd try and if it didn't happen naturally then that was it. We didn't want any probing or testing or to go to any extraordinary measures and well...it didn't happen. I have the odd pang of wishing it had happened or that I'd met my DH 10 years earlier but that's life. We're happy with our lives and lot and it has given us the freedom to travel and move around as we wanted.

I actually managed an IVF clinic and was unable to have children. I had no desire to have treatment. After 18 years of trying (we married young) and a very painful miscarriage we decided to adopt twins instead. It was the right choice for us and we have no regrets. It wasnt what we envisaged from the outset but I think the very long (and painful) passage of time meant we wrestled with our own physical limitations, own difficult childhood and intermittent ambivalence about bio kids and realised we did want a family but we weren't willing to force my body beyond its limitations.

As above. We didn't pursue IVF and adopted instead.

I want to hear if anyone chose not to do IVF, knowing they may stay childfree and how that decision sits with them now?

I was ambivalent about having children so decided that IVF wasn't for me. We had many happy childfree years then I unexpectedly got pregnant at 38 but had a miscarriage, then got pregnant at 41. DD is now 26.

I did have IVF, but after 2 losses and 6yr TTC by that point. It was DH that was very worried about the whole thing and said he never wanted me to have it. I had no known gynae issues, all tests on us both we clear, my AMH was very good so I had no reason to think we wouldn't have children. We had 3 rounds though, got pregnant once and had another MC. The consultant suggested donor eggs but we stopped at that point and have no living children. 5yrs since stopping, we haven't adopted/fostered and I doubt we ever would.

People talk about IVF taking its toll, being stressful etc but I didn't find this at all. I wrongly assumed I'd feel hormonal and pre-menstrual, but had nothing of the sort. It didn't cause issues between DH and myself and I'd say it made us even stronger. For me, if I hadn't have tried, I would have always wondered if it might have worked. Not everyone is the same and if you'd look back and be happy with your decision, then that is all that matters. x

Bit tone-deaf to boast about your unexpected pregnancies and grown children on the childfree/childless thread. What I really missed when I was going through this process 10+ years ago, was stories of happy people without children after IVF failed. What I got instead, was endless success stories in newspaper, books, on TV, etc. What I wanted was to hear about how people dealt with not having success with IVF. Not "and then I stopped trying and came back from holiday pregnant". There are other threads for that.