“Having kids keeps you young”

[MrsShawnHatosy]

Just read this on a thread in AIBU. And have often heard it said IRL. I think it’s rubbish tbh. We all age differently. I know people whose interest in the wider world doesn’t extend beyond their children and grandchildren.

Well, I am aware of lifestyle affecting ageing. It's said to be responsible for a large percentage of the so-called "diseases of ageing" for starters.

But I asked you about the studies you mentioned. All the studies I've seen say the reverse of what you claimed, and are about ageing on a biological and cellular level - so measurable results, not what different friends look like at X age.

@silverrobot I didn't mention any studies, must be another poster.

I don't disagree that giving birth to children can age someone's body, what I don't agree with are sweeping generalizations applied to millions of people - for example, that children keep you young or that being childfree keeps you young.

People are far more diverse than that.

Why is that pathetic? I love seeing people of all ages when I’m out partying. Turning 40 or 45 doesn’t mean that you have to suddenly start dressing differently and to no longer set foot in a nightclub. You’re being ridiculously ageist, but I think you know you are.

It's true for me now my kids are teens. Although I guess more accurately it would be keeping my outlook young as I absorb their attitudes, thoughts, feelings about the world. It depends what your life looks like - if I didn't have children I wouldn't spend much time with them through work/life etc.

It forces you to have one foot in the young camp. We have done things with our teens that we wouldn’t have chosen to do but ended up really enjoying.

Oh, sorry, it was a pp, who wrote:

There have been some studies to show that having children keeps you young both in looks and in terms of your your brain so there is some evidence for it.

You still sound utterly ghastly. Who are you to make judgements on how other people live ? You have got backlash because you come across as unpleasant. Perhaps it’s you living in the small town who has become insular and judgy. The pathetic person is the one commenting on how others live.

But if you say you wouldn’t have been at any of those things if you didn’t have kids, then that means having kids is preventing you from doing the things you actually want to. So “it keeps me young” loses all its meaning in the sense that it’s supposed to mean “I’m always doing fun, exciting things like a young person”. But if they’re not fun & exciting to you, if you’d rather be eating out at a fancy restaurant or something, then it kinda defeats the purpose of the meaning of the phrase

With respect, I think your reply to @Missj25 is a bit out-of-touch with the reality of some kids’ lives, and you’re missing the point about why some parents need to grow the hell up and stop partying every weekend. It’s easy to have a free and easy, live and let live attitude when you’ve had a stable upbringing with responsible parents. I had parents like what @Missj25 describes. Every weekend was an after-party at our house. I’d be woken at 3am to my mum, step-dad and about 20 of their friends coming home every weekend and my step-dad getting his decks out and DJing till well into the next day. My mum was always wasted, sometimes she’d drag me out of bed in my PJs, and try and make me dance with her in the kitchen, there were drugs, and strange drunk men I didn’t know. As a teenager I was so terrified one of them would try and come into my bedroom that I’d push all my furniture up against the door. I was permanently exhausted cos they were always so loud, and when I got to about 14 and started going out in our town myself, I was permanently embarrassed by my mum. When you’re 14 it’s mortifying for your mates to see your mum falling about drunk wearing hardly anything, with her mini skirt up her arse. So yes, I do judge those parents. Because they neglect their children, put them in dangerous situations, are terrible role models for them, and reverse the child-parent relationship, so the child ends up caring for the parent. That’s because they’re immature, selfish, and never wanted to grow up. Everyone needs to grow up a bit when they have kids. It’s not about suddenly becoming ‘old and boring’, it’s about taking the biggest responsibility you CHOSE to bring into your life seriously.

There’s a big difference between seeing a 45-year-old having a great time with their friends dancing the night away in a club, and seeing a 45-year-old falling off the pavement with her skirt tucked into her knickers and sick in her hair. Not a great look on anyone, but at least an 18-year-old hasn’t got the life experience to know any better

No. That poster originally said “there is nothing worse than a middle aged person trying to be young in terms of how they dress , partying & the like” which is what I and others reacted to. She then went to the extreme with “falling out of nightclubs drunk every single weekend with their arse on show” or whatever, but only after the backlash for her/his obscene ageism.

Let’s face it, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a middle aged person dressing ‘young’ and partying. I’m not quite middle aged but I have absolutely no plans to stop partying when I hit 45. There are certain sub-cultures and festivals where older is better! I don’t see myself at Burning Man festival until my 40s, for example.

But if you say you wouldn’t have been at any of those things if you didn’t have kids, then that means having kids is preventing you from doing the things you actually want to.

@Electriceelslunch That's the key point- people need to make the choices that are right for them personally. I think that @coulditbeme2323 is actually saying that family life was the right choice for her, not that it's preventing her from doing things she actually wants to (corect me if I'm wrong @coulditbeme2323 ).

This is why I don't like the sweeping generalizations, because everyone is different. For some people, being childfree enables them to live the life they want and do the things they enjoy; for others, having a family gives them the life they want and they enjoy it. They don't feel frustrated and bored by family life.

We're very lucky to live in an era where we have choices, because one size doesn't fit all. What's important is to make the right choices for us, not be pressurized into something that doesn't suit us.

“90% of life’s worries and responsibilities gone” if you are childfree? Really? Do you think
childfree people coast through life without the stresses and strains of employment/unemployment, mortgages, bills, ill health, aging parents, relationship problems, debt, etc etc etc?

No , you’re just completely missing the point of what I’m saying & I’m don’t trying to explain 🙄

Yeah this. I may not have had kids - which was not my choice, we had fertility issues, which is a big stressor to start with - but DH and I have had mental health issues, DH has had cancer and I looked after my mum who had dementia for years, the idea that we have had an easy ride because of being childless is a bit insulting frankly.

God no. I wasn't suggesting that at all. But if you add a couple of kids to your list of ill health, unemployment, mortgages, ageing parents etc, then it obviously compounds matters quite considerably. I don't see how that is any way contentious.

I didn’t age too much after my first at 25. Having my second at 35 aged me a lot! In every way! Now I’m 46 and feel 106 some days 😂

@ginasevern Well, you did say “90% of life’s worries and responsibilities gone” if you are childfree, which sounds as if childfree people have very few worries!

Although young adult children can be great with ageing grandparents in my experience, they can provide alot of support.

Fair point. 90% was probably me projecting!