“Having kids keeps you young”

[MrsShawnHatosy]

Just read this on a thread in AIBU. And have often heard it said IRL. I think it’s rubbish tbh. We all age differently. I know people whose interest in the wider world doesn’t extend beyond their children and grandchildren.

You sound insufferable, are you always so judgy about what people do?

Bloody hell, why so ageist? Has it not occurred to you, even now you're middle aged yourself, that middle-aged people (like most of us) typically wear things they like? Why assume they're trying to be young? And why should partying be reserved for the young?

(I'm 58 btw and have no intention of stopping doing the things I enjoy, or dressing how I want, just because there's a 5 in my age.)

I think it ages you about 10 years then pauses you for a while.

So when someone first has kids they suddenly age because they aren't getting enough sleep and look rough. But when they are a bit older, they help keep you active for younger, so maybe the reverse happens then. I'm still in the knackered stage though.

I love my DC. Don't regret having them.

But to be honest, my life would have been more interesting if I hadn't had them. More freedom and my career would have gone a lot further (I've had opportunities I just couldn't take due to family commitments). I think I would have had a lot more stamina for work / life without children because my down time would have been rest. Whereas now, downtime is childcare and responsibilities.

BUT I knew what I was getting into and had them anyway. Personal choice.

Considering how I viewed my mother when she was my age as a mother of two, I do not feel nearly as old as I thought she was being that age now. I still feel fairly young and unsettled but when my Mum turned 40 I thought she was ancient and everything was sorted re marriage, kids, stable job. She seemed to have done everything expected by that time of her life whereas I am married but can't have kids and i am half way through uni for the second time. I don't know if I'll ever feel as stable and grown up as my Mum. Even at 24 I could not imagine having two young children like my Mum did at that age but back then I still thought I would have them in the future.

So no i don't think that phrase is right at all.

JFC my children have aged me SO much!!!

So I completely disagree 😂

I'd like to see those studies. The uniform consensus is that each pregnancy ages a woman further biologically, and that having children speeds up the aging process, quite apart from any stress, worry, or sleeplessness that may be also involved.

Laughter and fun in general keep you young. Doesn’t mean it has to be with kids. DH and I get plenty of both.

@silverrobot Giving birth to children certainly has a physical impact, but ultimately, many factors aspects affect a person’s physical aging, don’t they.

I’m only being anecdotal, but among my family and friends in their 50’s, both childfree and with children, there’s quite a range of physical aging rates. One of my BIL’s (58, childfree) who’s v. fit, looks rather old due to deep facial lines and hair loss. Whereas my other BIL (57, also fit and childfree) looks considerably younger as he hardly has any lines and has kept his hair. Same with my childfree SIL’s, My eldest SIL looks younger than her sister who’s 9 years younger!

Lifestyle and luck play their roles, not just whether you choose to have children. 🤷

The "youngest" women I've known have been childfree and unmarried. I mean that's 90% of life's worries and responsibilities gone right there. To say nothing of all the attendant crap, drama and endless compromise. Makes sense really doesn't it.

Well most people would agree I’m sure that Middle Aged women & men who go around dressed like teenager’s , falling out of clubs weekend in , weekend out look pathetic .

I have aged so quickly since having children.

I'm all for being young at heart but it's better to accept your age for what it is. My MIL absolutely hates that I refer to myself as middle aged because it makes her feel older but I don't think I should have to pretend to be young for her sake.

I know the saying. I think it's partly true. I had children quite late having never wanted them until my late 30s. I didn't feel like an older mother nor did I feel it made me young again. I don't know whether there was any physical impact but psychologically it felt like a new phase of life. After 20+ years as just a couple, we suddenly had a new lifestyle for the following 20 years.
There were though, things I did with children, that I would never have tried as an adult.
I understand your pov that adults can do silly or adventurous things without children. Just an example, I would never have gone abseiling if my 10 year old hadn't been terrified. He was afraid to do it and afraid to look silly if he backed out so I went up and did it. Nothing on earth would have persuaded me to do that other than for my child and I certainly wouldn't do it again.

Don't agree to that having childten keeps you young. I do think that working with or socialising with younger people helps.

It ages you, more like. I definitely aged quicker when mine were young. Now I'm a gran I find it exhausting having my GC over for the night. DGD stayed last Friday and I've spent the past week fighting off a cold and feeling exhausted!

I wasn’t saying I only have fun & laugh with the kids !!
So relax & stop reading way too much into what I said !

Does it fuck!!! 44 with 2 and feel 65 with the life sucked out me. 😔

This is horribly judgmental. I’ve just come back from a big music festival where the age of attendees ranged from 21 to 60. The vibe of the festival was very much fancy dress / rave outfits / dressing ‘young’ (you could say) and each day everyone partied until sunrise.

It was a fantastic experience and no one thought the ravers who were 40+ were at all “pathetic”.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a whole lot of middle-aged people 'falling out of clubs weekend in, weekend out' tbh (and I grew up in a party town), but you're showing such rampant ageism on this thread that I'm not convinced you're reporting objectively. How would you know they're doing this unless you're often around nightclubs at chucking-out time yourself? For all you know, assuming you have even seen this for yourself, you might be judging people who haven't had a night out in ages and have decided to let their hair down for once. Shame on them for not being tucked up in bed with a mug of Horlicks, eh?

And 'dressed like teenagers' is subjective - if you're talking stuff like jeans hanging off people's arses and baseball caps on backwards, yes obviously that can look weird on someone older. But going by the way you are talking, I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of these people who think women should cut their hair short and start wearing slacks and mid-calf skirts once they hit 40.

Personally, I know what I think keeps people young at heart, and that's refusing to define oneself by what one's birth certificate says. A non-judgemental attitude helps too.

Did you misread what I wrote ???
I said middle aged people who dress like teenagers all of the time & fall out of nightclubs weekend in weekend out , Guess what , it is pathetic !
You’re talking about something completely different altogether, a festival that was on .

I have a child and can confirm it’s aged me about 30 years 😂😂😂

Having kids keeps you young? Nonsense. The opposite is true. Childfree people have less stress in their lives, fewer worries, fewer demands on their time, more freedom, more sleep, more sex, more disposable income etc etc.

Perhaps the only way in which parents might have a younger outlook would be regarding the popular culture their children like. Childree adults wouldn’t have a clue about this month’s popular boy band for example. But the parents of daughters who are obsessed with said group would know all about them.

Ok , so I’m sick to shit for the back lashing I’m getting here .
So I’ll explain a small bit further .
I live in a small town , it’s where I grew up .
If I socialise I never socialise here cause it’s as boring as fuck .
I have teens & young adult children who do socialise here .
There are women & men who I went to school with who have kids the same age as mine .
Some of these people are still out every weekend getting fucked off their heads , dressing like we did back in the day with skirts up our ass , out on Friday , you may not see us til a Monday .
They’re still living their lives like this with young teens watching on , making them feel embarrassed, having free houses every weekend when all they want / need is a bit of normality at home .
They were specifically the type of people I was referring to .
That is pathetic !!!
I’m not this boring , judgemental bitch that you seem to have picked up from my post .