“Having kids keeps you young”

[MrsShawnHatosy]

Just read this on a thread in AIBU. And have often heard it said IRL. I think it’s rubbish tbh. We all age differently. I know people whose interest in the wider world doesn’t extend beyond their children and grandchildren.

Absolutely ludicrous generalisation.. Having children might have aged YOU. It certainly did not age ME thank you very much. I have looked 5-7 years younger than my age for all of my adult life, and having 2 kids in my early 30s never changed that.

I never got wrinkles and grey hair, or aged a decade overnight through having kids - and nor did I 'get fat' and lose my figure, and get 'haggard' like some people claim happened to them. 🙄 I get that some people like to do this self deprecation thing, like 'OMG I look 15 years older than my age because of my children,' and 'I envy childfree people sooooooooo much,' blah blah blah, and I don't know why they do it, but it's bloody annoying, because it's suggesting that being a mum is shit for every woman - and it IS NOT.

You do NOT get to speak for all mothers.

As I said, absolutely ludicrous generalisation. There are quite a few on here actually! And comments like 'everyone I know who has had kids looks ancient?!' Do give over! 🙄

And yes, kids DO keep some people young. So what?

And I know people are going to come at me, so this is my only post on this thread. It's clearly just going to be full of posts bashing and mocking people who have had children, like they all look like something that's been eaten by a dog, sicked back up, buried for 10 years, and then dug back up.

As I said, speak for yourself! I have 2 children, and having them has had fuck-all affect on my looks or figure, and it certainly did not 'age' me! 🙄

(And I am on the Childfree board, because this thread was trending.....)

.

As a 58 year old, there’s very little that reminds you of your age quite it was much as getting a call at 1.30am to pick up your drunk teen. Coping with sleepless nights as a 40 year old mum of 3 was easy peasy. I was broken for days after that!

Oh gods no I have aged horrendously in the last couple of years due to DC related stress (not their fault just life stuff) I look way older than my 44 year old child free friend. But you know what each to their own, I would love to look better but life has dealt us a bit of a tough hand and I would rather my DC are happy. My friend looks amazing but I know she has other issues to worry about.

I hear it the same , & I agree having kids do keep you young at heart ☺️

Dang girl @BatchCookBabe you've got a LOT invested in A) being young and B) your kids.

Kids are fucking exhausting. I love 'em but combined with a full-time, demanding career I'm drained.

No -
having young kids in the perimenopause in particular is so hard! Wish I’d have had them all 15 years earlier! I feel like I’ll be dead and buried much younger with working full time with 3 kids.

It's BS because everyone ages, don't they. I'm in my 50's and of course I'm not young, it's got nothing to do with having children or being childfree, or even your outlook on life. No one my age is "young," we have decades of life experience that have shaped us.

Tbh, it annoys me when middle-aged people try hard to be young, 'cos they're not fooling anyone!

I thought you will say they aged you faster! haha I feel so exhausted and old with 3 kids under 5 rather younger 😂

It physically ages you but it keeps you young mentallly. I had my last child at 41. They are now 9 and 12. My sister’s children are in their mid twenties and have left home. My sister is only a few years older than me but already she’s saying stuff and acting older. Intolerant and unable to cope with things. Less flex. I’ve no option with the age of my children to go with the flow more, compromise and stay young hearted. I like that aspect. I see a lot of people in their 50s giving off really old grumpy vibes. I don’t want to become like them.

Having kids has aged me and DH beyond all recognition. My child-free friends still look and act young, footloose and fancyfree

I've obly really heard people say that having grandchildren around keeps you young. I agree to an extent - it has definitely helped keep my mum active (even now that my kids are teens) and kind of engaged in youth culture. I don't think anyone ever means that it keeps you looking young.

I was once told at a barbecue with friends that the reason I don't have wrinkles/worry lines like they all did is because I don't have kids.

Remembering some of the very stressful things most of them had had to deal with involving their children, I think they may be right. 😁

That’s rubbish. We have photos of DH and I pre DC and then just after DD2. We look much older.

My child free friend looks amazing at 60, whereas I just look my age!

Like all these weird generalisations it depends. I think I'm more active than I would be if I didn't have my 11 year old. We go running together and our holidays are very active in a way that left up to me they wouldn't be!

My mum certainly thinks getting up and down off the floor and playing football with toddlers has been good for my dad. Grandkids in his case obviously.

On the other hand maybe instead of running a few miles 3 times a week I'd be doing ultra marathons if I didn't have a child.

Looks wise I don't give a toss but don't think it made any difference for me. I've never been an oil painting anyway!

Might just be coincidence, but I have noticed university lecturers are definitely more youthful than their non university peers, regardless of whether or not they themselves have kids! I’m not a uni lecturer and I definitely look and feel older than the ones I work alongside or friends who are. So I think their students and research keeps ‘em young!

Keeps you young? Does it fuck!!!

I kinda agree though. I had my kids late (41 and 43) so I got to my 60s having them still in school. So I was doing stuff people 20 years younger were doing.

Yes , I’m 50 , everyone of course ages & there is nothing worse than a middle aged person trying to be young in terms of how they dress , partying & the like .
However , the kids keep me young at heart with the fun & laughing at home ☺️, I’m in the loop with what’s it’s like now being a young teenager, young adult cause of them .

Yes, it's a well known fact that people without children never laugh or have fun. 🙄

There have been some studies to show that having children keeps you young both in looks and in terms of your your brain so there is some evidence for it. I’m sure there will be evidence to show most things if you look though.

I suppose having children forces most parents to run around after them, know about the latest trends, memes, see the younger generations pov, keep up with changes etc which keeps you young possibly.

I know people without kids who manage this too though and know parents who don’t so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I think often it’s just something people say. Not usually offence meant but it’s sometimes taken.

Well, I suppose there is more to youth than looks, but if you look at a picture of me on my 30th birthday, right before I got pregnant, and again at 32, after the post-partum phase had worn off, I look about 10 years older. 😂

In fairness, I did look young before so I like to think that it's more that I suddenly appeared my age rather than looking old!

Yes we’re all miserable sods!

Who said that ? Cause that’s not what I was implying at all 🙄

I lead a much healthier life for having children to look after than I would if I didn't have children. Maybe part of it is having ADHD, but pre-children I'd often struggle to get motivated to do stuff at weekends. Now with two active children (and one possibly also with ADHD though not yet diagnosed), it's ingrained into my system that we need to get everyone out of the house at least once per day to go somewhere where everyone can let off steam. And we all feel better for it. There's also an inbuilt 'structure' to life that comes with having children - school run, birthday parties, weekly activities etc. - that I find helpful although it can be overwhelming at times and we're often late or disorganised. So it probably does keep me young, although I've been lucky in being able to reduce my working hours to cope with everything. Otherwise I'd be completely overwhelmed.

I think there's a big difference between babies/very young toddlers and older children. With children under 3, life is often a complete shitshow, lack of sleep, fighting fires constantly. When the youngest child turns 3 and is off to preschool, that's the point at which many parents I know are able to start reclaiming some sense of self. So to me it's not surprising that parents of u-3s look 'old' for a few years - that's what comes of constantly interrupted sleep and no time for self-care.

How does it come across as judgy ?