“Having kids keeps you young”

[MrsShawnHatosy]

Just read this on a thread in AIBU. And have often heard it said IRL. I think it’s rubbish tbh. We all age differently. I know people whose interest in the wider world doesn’t extend beyond their children and grandchildren.

It’s bollocks. Having kids means I’m looking after other people straight after work. Very little time for actual exercise. I’m mid 20s.

without a doubt the youngest seeming people are I know are the happily child free with nieces, nephews and active social lives.

Im not resentful and mostly enjoy being a parent but it’s the truth IME. It’s like ‘age is just a number’, it’s another platitude levelled at people (specifically older parents).

It is physically aging but it doesn’t mean that, does it? The saying is about having kids keeping you connected to the younger generation’s culture, generational issues and worldviews - which it does.

I think it does both.

Obviously you wouldn't be doing things with your children if you didn't have children. But you could still be doing the same things.

That's just 'doing stuff'. What about it is specofically 'young'? People of all ages go whitewater rafting and do Go Ape type things. I've just come back from a childree holiday with a group of retired people who were flinging themselves into the wave machine, lamenting its lack of power, and discussing their favourite ones elsewhere.

You could, but imo less likely.

It doesn’t really do that either, though. Don’t think most 60 year olds are that interested in the same things their teens are anyway. Can’t say I’ve ever seen it, it’s a platitude and that’s it. I’ve even said it myself without thinking, it’s just a ‘oh that’s nice’ passing comment.

From being about seven and Mum was 50 then upwards I always heard it as the first thing that popped into someone’s head when they realised ‘Oh my God I couldn’t do it at your age’ would perhaps not be appropriate. `

As others have said, its just a platitude.

Like many of these things it's just a silly phrase said to parents in the thick of it, but I think of it as being purely about having children late (which is often considered harder) vs having them young and the kernal of truth is to do with the challenge of being pushed out of your comfort zone in middle age (obviously it's not the only way to achieve that). Keeps you mentally agile and physically fit having young children to look after (and mixing with other parents who are younger adults) rather than settling into old age early. Apparently it's good for grandparents to be spend time with their grandchildren for the same reason, it keeps them engaged in society and mentally agile, we are moving to generations being so separate and it's not good for any of us.

Only temporarily, most women I know recovered from the shock of childbirth after a few years and e.g. for work I actually think it's quite rejuvenating to have your attention elsewhere for a bit then to refocus on work. Men don't get that and you see the impact in their 50s when they start counting down to retirement.

Certainly not for the young parents I saw on a flight to Paris recently. They just looked done in. The father must be at least 20 years younger than me but he just seemed ‘old’.

Yes when I look at photos of when mine were babies and toddlers I look older than now, it was the exhaustion.

Physically I think having kids does age you just the sleep deprivation and lack of personal time and money for self care and up keep. If I didn't have kids I'd be doing Pilates every week, getting 8 hours sleep, actually using my current body LED mask and eating salmon and steamed veggies as opposed to making do with the pizza, beans and chips my kids will eat. I kept thinking I'd bounce back but am accepting now that this is me for now and that I no look and feel like an older woman.

My oldest friend has no kids and I don't think she's aged much facially at all and still looks "young" but she has way more time and money to look after herself, to sleep, travel, read all the new books, go to exhibitions, concerts and see friends. So I think that keeps her young physically and mentally. My kids keep my busy and I know what they are into but its often not very stimulating to be honest and I don't really have time to read much or fill my own cup.

I also think with the internet and streaming music and so on youth trends are kind of accessible to anyone though following younger people on social media if you enjoy their content its easy enough to keep up with the current trends and take what you can use from them, even with films and music it's all available on streaming so you can be 50 or 60 and still listening to new music without much problem.

I suppose when people say kids keep you young they are thinking of people sitting on the sofa or being insular and perhaps if that is the case then perhaps kids will bring you out of your rut and routine which could be stimulating but otherwise I'm afraid I think it's probably self consoling nonsense if I am honest. However I wanted to be a mum regardless of the cost to my face and body so I am at peace with my choice.

I agree they probably keep you more active, rather than young.

OP your post does come across as a bit judgey as regards others life choices.

Judgey? I’m not judgy about others’ life choices except when people think their choices are superior to other people’s. And in case you didn’t realise you are on the Mumsnetters Without Children Board.

I'll tell that to my wrinkles, my exhaustion and to the dark circles under my eyes!

Children are massively ageing.

On one hand, I believe having children and the stresses of their different (potentially serious) illnesses has aged me. On the other hand going shopping and spending quality time with my oldest daughter makes me feel 21 again 😊

I think it has a big impact on mindset.

Those who have children when they’re young act as if they’re a lot older than they are whereas those who have them when they’re older tend to act younger than they are.

I know people who are GP who are the same age as DH and I however we have a Reception age DS. The way they talk about life makes them sound a generation older than we feel.

As much as I love being a parent, I feel like the crypt keeper as I have a toddler who doesn’t sleep well…

I live a childhood I wanted with my kids but.. i definitely know if I didn't have them I wouldn't be half as haggard as I look now. But you can't have it all oh and id have much much more money!

It's a weird thing to say and doesn't really mean anything.
I don't have kids and I can be irresponsible whenever I like - isn't that being "young"?
Tbh I don't really care. What's bad about being old anyway?

What a load of shite. I'm fat, shattered and haggered 🤣. These DC have a lot to answer for.

Some people are aged by it and some do look and behave younger for it. I don't think it's bad for your children to be the centre of your world, how is that any worse than gardening or pets or music or running! 🙄🙄🙄
Lots of people are judgey about others who don't share their priorities in life - that goes for anything! Have you ever befriended people into politics or vegans or dog lovers? Everyone can be overbearing. It's tedious singling happily parents out, this is a widely common behaviour and human nature.

If that’s the case then how come everyone I know who had kids looks ancient 🤣

Nothing has aged me more 🤣

This. ^