As a childless step-parent on Mumsnet, I think im done with MN

[Livinginacatdictatorship]

I am 36, I dont have children and it wasnt a i dont want children and didnt have children it was a much more complicated decision, concerning children already in the picture. I am a step mother, or dads girlfriend as some would term me because we aren't married but i have been in their lives for a significant amount of time.
I couldn't post in the step parent forum because, wow, thats a scary place. Equally I don't fit here as although I dont have biological children I have children in my life. I feel like im a bit of a grey area.

But there is a great amount of animosity between people on this site between people who are parents and those who aren't who like to use the site as well. Over and over people explain why the chat forum expands far beyond being a parent etc... and yet (among a few) oh no you have no right to be here etc, CF are so nasty and mean.

Loads of people are nasty, loads of people wade in where they have no business being, parents are mean to parents!

I'm venting here because I would be absolutely flamed in the step parent board. But I just dont feel welcome on this site right now.

Since your last reply has been deleted, never mind @Reachedout

@Livinginacatdictatorship just wanted to come and say you are not alone. I’m also a step parent without my own children (or dad’s girlfriend as it seems I’ve seen some of the same threads as you), despite many years together and building a home that is safe and secure for the kids and supporting them in lots of different ways. I also wouldn’t post on the step parent board, which is such a shame as it could be a great source of support for something that you can feel quite alone in, but it can be quite toxic and some of the comments have astonished me when someone is obviously struggling. Unfortunately, I have also started to see it creeping into other boards on the site and like others going to stay off them. Not quite ready to give MN up as have learnt some very helpful hints and tips and the lighthearted threads can be funny.

@Longandwindingroad27 I think i am in the same place as you, in some ways the site is such a great wealth of knowledge and support but its also used to brow beat you. @Reachedout dont worry my mental health is still ok!

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way op. I really hope you find your sense of belonging. None of us fit perfectly in any box. I would take a break if it’s affecting you. I will say there are some very loud voices here and of course it’s an anonymous forum so people vent and say things they never would in real life.

Whatever negative people say about childfree women, it’s only a reflection of themselves. Not the truth about you.

We don't all fit into neat boxes. My sister wanted children and couldn't have them - her only conception ended in miscarriage. Her partner has children - he is ten years her senior and had his family young, the 'children' were grown up and living their own lives by the time he moved in with my sister. The relationship has always been amicable, but they have never been 'her children' in any meaningful sense of the word, just younger people she sees occasionally.

However, their existence disqualified her from any NHS support for conceiving, IVF etc. unless she'd wanted to leave him and find someone who hadn't already had children.

We were talking recently about our plans for a childfree/childless old age. Her partner's health is not now very good and it's likely she will be alone within the next ten years. She doesn't envisage that her partner's children will stay in contact with her when he has died - she has no relationship with them independent of their dad and they are busy with their own lives and families.

This.