Feeling guilty about not having children and wondering how I can contribute to society in other ways

[Strawberriesandpears]

I do hope this thread isn't 'triggering' for anyone, but something I am struggling so much with at the moment is guilt for not having children. I am childless by circumstance really. I think it's the best choice for my potential child that they aren't born, but with so much in the media about falling birth rates, and threads on here such as 'who will pay for your pension / care in old age' I am feeling terribly guilty.

I feel like I have failed to do my bit for society, even though if I look at it more logically, I know there are other ways to contribute.

I think it's just the quite relentless media coverage about falling birth rates that is making me feel like this. I almost feel like I don't deserve to enjoy my life in any way. That I am not working hard enough because I am not parenting, and that one day I'll just be a burden on society.

I work full time, pay my taxes obviously, and do a little bit of volunteer work, which I would like to increase when I am older. I try to be a good friend and support others, and I do things like look after my health as best I can and take regular exercise to try to keep myself from being too much of a burden in my older years. I also save money as best I can to help ensure I can pay for any support I might need when I am older.

But I still feel guilt. 😔 I don't know how I can overcome this. Maybe the key is to spend less time online and to also think more about how I can contribute in the future. I've thought I'd like to get involved with my local hospice and help raise funds. That way at least I would feel like I was doing something which would benefit others / society.

Does anyone have any thoughts please? Thank you for reading.

Wow the media got you good didn’t they? You aren’t responsible for the falling birth rate and even ‘doing your bit’ won’t make a change
There are real and systemic issues which successive governments (domestic and international) have failed to address around this.

be a good person because you want to be, not because you need to somehow atone for your choices

the emerging narrative that parents are producible and their kids will support them (and those without are a burden) is atrocious.

You are more than a gestational unit, and shouldn't feel any guilt for not procreating. You do not owe the world children. You can have a full life without having any.

Honestly, why feel guilty? Your taxes pay for schools you'll never use, and healthcare for mothers and children, and welfare support for children and their families. We pay for these but don't directly benefit, it is a societal good that we contribute to.

Some children and the adults they grow into cause problems in society, commit crimes and make the lives of others miserable. Not all parents are good and nurturing people. You're not contributing to that.

The taxes I pay and the work I do and the way I live my life all hopefully contribute to good things in this world. You can do that without having children. Indeed, there are billions of us on this planet - the world could do with a break.

You sound like you are apologising for existing. 😔 You are allowed to be on this earth, in your own right, you know!

First of all, I do actually have children, but you should never feel guilty for not having them, and anyone who makes you feel that way is not worth your time. We’re all different and we all make different choices in life and that’s ok. My personal feeling is, with the way the world is going, maybe it’s a good thing there will be less people on the planet. If my children choose not to have children of their own I don’t think it’s such a bad decision.
Regarding contributing to society, I think there are many ways you can help - hospices like
you suggested, hospital volunteering, homeless shelters or food banks, charity shops and collections, reading to children in primary schools, helping out at local fetes etc. I think anything you do contribute is helpful and always appreciated.

I’m studying Environmental Management at the moment and honestly OP you’ve done the right thing. Overpopulation is a much bigger issue globally than falling birth rates in select first world countries.

A falling birth rate is a problem for the nation state that needs to replace its producers each generation.

A falling birth rate is great for a planet struggling to support 8+ billion human beings.

Gosh no, I have dc but pls don’t feel guilty. No need.

Think about how much smaller your carbon footprint is without rooms full of plastic tat!

OMG. I am not feeling very articulate today, but you are enough. Just as you are. Parent, child free, healthy, not healthy, taxpayer, on benefits... whatever!

Came to say this. I work in environmental studies 💐

I have a child but please don't feel guilty OP.

Love

You might not believe it but you are contributing to society by NOT having children. The planet has too many people for its resources. However, there are plenty of volunteering opportunities that you can do - choose a passion and offer your help!

Don’t feel guilty. Just because you don’t have children, it doesn’t mean you need to ‘make up for it’ in other ways. I understand why you feel like this and I have felt it to a degree in the past.

If you want to volunteer and benefit others, go for it, but it doesn’t have to be because you don’t have children and feel like you have to make up for something.

Also, with the state of the world at the moment, you are doing a great selfless thing by not bringing another human into it.

I have kids but I do feel this way occasionally. It's a valid viewpoint.

while I Sam generally aware of it I rarely see anything in the media about birth rates, certainly not enough to trigger me feeling guilty. Media feeds will track you and keep sending you information you are “interested” in. Maybe stop reading these articles, or say not interested and they will stop showing for you.

you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I hope this makes your feel better - I have DC but never even considered that this might be ‘contributing to society’. Is having a child really contributing to society? Surely we make more important contributions in working, paying tax, taking care of the environment, being a good friend and neighbour.

I think most of us had kids out of ' selfish" reasons and not out of any great altruistic desire!

Don't feel guilty Op, I have no DC and that choice was mine to make. The government is giving lots of incentives now to get people back into full time work, it's because they want their taxes, not because it's a moral view, they're not offering free hours of childcare because they think everyone should be parents.

Thanks for saying that. It’s usually the childfree that get called selfish for their decisions.

OP - by giving birth to a child, you give birth to a person who will inevitably suffer, and inevitably die.

Live you life for you. Be free and be happy.

Yeah, it must be tough. I find life tough, I don’t think I could watch a little me go through it.

If I were you I would spend less time going down rabbit holes in the media. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You pay your taxes the same as someone who has a parent. You could argue you are paying more than your fair share as you don’t need schooling for your child or use the NHS during pregnancy and for a child, and you don’t receive child benefit. You don’t get a rebate on your taxes because you don’t use services.

if you feel you want to contribute to society consider doing voluntary work , there is lots out there you could do. A falling birth rate for the overall world is a positive in view of the over crowding across our planet.

I never really wanted children...a phase in my 30s with the right partner which would have been good if it happened but no other yearning for children.
However, my belief in protecting vulnerable people particularly children is really strong and I was a social worker for years, then a magistrate. I've contributed hugely to society and continue to do so.

Your taxes are paying for other people's children, you are probably helping the environment by not having them and above all, if you do not think you would be a good mother, you are saving an unborn child from an unhappy upbringing. Good for you for your self-knowledge.