Feeling guilty about not having children and wondering how I can contribute to society in other ways

[Strawberriesandpears]

I do hope this thread isn't 'triggering' for anyone, but something I am struggling so much with at the moment is guilt for not having children. I am childless by circumstance really. I think it's the best choice for my potential child that they aren't born, but with so much in the media about falling birth rates, and threads on here such as 'who will pay for your pension / care in old age' I am feeling terribly guilty.

I feel like I have failed to do my bit for society, even though if I look at it more logically, I know there are other ways to contribute.

I think it's just the quite relentless media coverage about falling birth rates that is making me feel like this. I almost feel like I don't deserve to enjoy my life in any way. That I am not working hard enough because I am not parenting, and that one day I'll just be a burden on society.

I work full time, pay my taxes obviously, and do a little bit of volunteer work, which I would like to increase when I am older. I try to be a good friend and support others, and I do things like look after my health as best I can and take regular exercise to try to keep myself from being too much of a burden in my older years. I also save money as best I can to help ensure I can pay for any support I might need when I am older.

But I still feel guilt. 😔 I don't know how I can overcome this. Maybe the key is to spend less time online and to also think more about how I can contribute in the future. I've thought I'd like to get involved with my local hospice and help raise funds. That way at least I would feel like I was doing something which would benefit others / society.

Does anyone have any thoughts please? Thank you for reading.

The majority of Reform candidates don't have two brain cells to rub together. I'm not sure if it's something you should worry about.

You have to remember what you read on forums is peoples opinions and not fact. And some of these opinions are pretty bonkers. There's always going to be people having children, birth rates were going to reach a point where they were going to fall anyway. I think if the opinions of a few daft people are impacting your mental health, then perhaps these forums aren't for you.

Stop watching the news. It’s making you unhappy.

The world is massively over populated, you are doing the world a huge favour.

There are plenty of kids, what they aren't enough of are jobs. You adding another child that potentially can't find a job is not helping anyone. In fact all those YA's that can't find jobs are claiming benefits and actually costing the system more.

Honestly the world does not need more kids.

Good grief . Never feel guilty for your personal choices.

Not having children is literally one of the best things you can do for the planet and the environment.

You've contributed.

If everyone went childfree then yes there would be a massive shift for future generations. A lot of adults (Politicians) are making bizarre decisions which won’t help our future.

You as an individual do what you want.

There's always going to be people having children though. The falling birth rate isn't going to drop to zero. And it was always going to fall at some point anyway, this idea that the population would just keep on growing was always unstainable as was the government just to just keep banking on it. That's a policy failure, it isn't for individuals to have babies they neither want or can afford etc just to sustain the workforce.

The only thing that should concern you about the Reform policy is the misogyny behind it and the plan to tax women without children more. What about men who don't have children? Do they plan to tax them more? Or is it simply just women's fault the falling birth rate?

I obviously don't think people who don't have children should be taxed more!

Yes, that is very true. The birth rate has been falling with each generation I think. My grandparents were one of many siblings, my own parents just had a sibling each and I am an only child.

The Reform idea is indeed bonkers. I mean would they tax those who have not chosen to not have children more too. So people who are suffering from the heartbreak of infertility are also then hit with extra tax and a feeling that they are being punished for their 'failure'. Just awful.

I'm sorry I haven't replied to all comments individually, but please know that I appreciate them all!

Bless you OP. I'm very guilt prone, so I really empathise. But, honestly this is one thing you don't need to feel any guilt about at all.
I'm also childless by circumstance. It wasn't choice, but also not biological infertility (as far as I know. I was never in a position to try getting pregnant, so no idea about my fertility) but just mental illness, trauma, poverty, inability to find the kind of husband I wanted to be a wonderful father for my children etc. All these multiple sadnesses conspired to leave me very unhappily childless.
But, unlike you, the guilt was kind of the other way round. It was guilt about the prospect of bringing children into the world without perfect circumstances that caused me to be childless. I didn't plan it at all. I was consciously working on all these issues, and my absolute goal was to be a wonderful wife & mother... But... I ran out of time 😔
So, I think, if you're guilt-prone; the guilt will get you, one way or the other - for me it was guilt about having children at a time it wouldn't have seemed responsible, for you it's not having children.
I think, for me, the grief & sorrow about how hard I find life, is difficult enough, without adding more guilt into the mix. So, if you can, please be kind to yourself. There's absolutely no possibility of you messing up your children's lives, so hopefully that's a comfort?
Re contributing - so many ways. As you can see by my user name, I've poured a lot of my maternal love into being a wonderful (if I say so myself 🤭) auntie. I adore my nieces and nephews, and would sacrifice my life for them as readily as any mother for their own children. I also helped care for my late dad when he was terminally ill. I was in a position time-wise to do that, which not everyone is, and I'll treasure those memories.
I'm thinking of giving blood, just need to overcome my medical phobia.
I think we 'mother' every time we nurture - plants, animals and other human beings.
I think, just being a decent citizen, being kind. Those everyday acts of heroism. Those are contributions for goodness.
If you have time, there are so many voluntary work opportunities. But, you don't have to do that to be a good person. Some people only have time after retirement, if even then.
As long as you're not deliberately harming anyone, which you're clearly not, then you're doing fine. Don't worry.
You take care. Go well x

@DevotedAuntie wonderful post!

Until they are old enough to work and/or get a job and make their own contribution to the community children are more or less parasites. They consume resources, generate waste and spread diseases, There is no gaurantee that any one child will grow up to be a productive and useful individual. They could just as likely become a criminal, a drug addict or a burden on society. As a childfree individual you directly subsidise families (unless they are very high earners) and are fnancially rinsed for the privilage. Never feel guilty because you have failed to contribute more beings to a massively overpopulated world.