My life feels empty without children now

[Butterfly1728]

My stepdaughter and niece have/will be having babies and I’m a 43yr old with no children of my own and I’m starting to feel like my life is a bit meaningless without a child.

I go married to a wonderful man this year and I live in his house with his 2 adult children (desperate for our own home, hopefully 2027)

Someone please shake me, I feel so miserable.

i think OP said her DH has had the snip.

Bless you OP, everything you feel is completely understandable and reasonable.

I'm lucky enough to have the absolute joy that are 2 DC (young adults now) and they are everything I ever dreamt of when I first starting wanting children.

We also went onto have a 3rd child that we love dearly but is profoundly disabled, needs round the clock care, is really hard work, incontinent, violent and exhausting. Our life with her is so limited now, we are getting older and we're so tired. It is a COMPLETELY different experience to parenting non-disabled children. Around us our peers are off on holiday, doing lots of things now their DC are independent. They are LIVING LIFE .. We will remain with a toddler forever with the knowledge she will outlive us and be placed in care with authorities. This is a horrible thought and it's with us everyday. Me and DH had so many plans. They're all gone now. This is our life now and it's putting our marriage under a lot of strain. Even going out for dinner is difficult and requires planning. Someone always has to be with her, at all times.

Anyone that has children could have been in our position. She was just born this way. There are no guarantees in life.

I just wanted to give you a different perspective.

Do you have any hobbies OP? I used to and I would be throwing myself back into it if it wasn't for our youngest child. Are you competitive? Do you like animals? A friend of mine has got into showing Guinea pigs and she is besotted with them!

BTW I'm not suggesting for one moment showing guinea pigs is comparable to parenthood!

That’s reversible. Just if the OP really wants a child, even if she didn’t before, it’s worth entertaining the idea that perhaps a baby would be possible.

This big friendship group sounds nice. I would like to find something like this for myself. I think part of my problem is not feeling like I am part of anything. Not only do I not have children, I basically have no extended family either.

Same here. My siblings live abroad and all of my friends are generally very busy with young family. @Strawberriesandpears not sure if you are the same age as me (39) but I am hoping friendship groups will improve once babies start to get a bit older.

I do agree with you about not feeling part of anything…my main hobby is travelling and I feel like this is largely not interesting to most people.

Reversal is expensive and does not always work. Given his children are now adults he will have had the snip a long time ago, and the longer ago a man has had it the harder it is to reverse. Even if reversal is successful OP will not necessarily get pregnant. I am just being realistic here.

I am 64, childless through infertility and have largely come to terms with it. DH and I are very happily married, and since I was able to retire earlyish at 58 we’ve had an absolute blast travelling the world together. Travel is something I find fulfilling, and I wouldn’t change anything about my life now even if I could.

Hi OP

Just want to say that I completely understand how you feel. I'm a similar age, no children and single. I have just never met anyone to have a child with and now realise I have missed the chance to have children and will probably always be single. I feel really sad and at Christmas I'm really conscious of all my friends with their own families creating lovely memories, I just feel like I have no purpose and I don't matter to anyone.

I hope you are doing ok and at least able to find solace in your relationship with your husband and the life you have together.

xx

Its about to get good. Another 10 years and all your friends kids will have flown the nest and you will be on an even keel with them again.. except for the freedom and financial burdens. People take the piss because I never fly economy and have designer stuff but uts the compensation for feeling like I dont fit in for 20 years. Some minor regrets about lonley old age but apart from that, life is joyous. And some of mynfriends who had babies in their late 40s I see now make me just so happy I am able to be this selfish. It really looks wuite thankless in those early years, im sure its lively when they are yours but I cannot imagine not being able to get up early for a dawn ride or deciding instead to spend the whole day in bed and catch up on my sleep. I am on balance glad it didnt happen for me

Op I can understand you feeling at a loss. Bit please be assured you can make a difference in your families lives and form positive bonds with step children's babies.

I have a childless aunt (not through choice they couldn't have children), she has been a very positive influence in my adult life and spent a lot of quality time with my own children. She's now in her 80's and I will miss her terribly when she is no longer with us. She has been more thoughtful and helpful then my MIL who seems to show little interest in her own son and grandchildren.

I have similar feelings about being childless through infertility, I never thought I’d end up feeling this content! DH and I are currently enjoying a New Year break in a cottage on the Pembrokeshire coast. It’s so blissfully peaceful and quiet.