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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

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Original poster

Best part of being childfree

531 replies

Mintgum · 13/09/2024 12:18

Whats the best part of being childfree.
I chose not to have children knew from an early age i never wanted them.
But i have been ask why not whats so good not having them my reply was whats good with having them.
I like my life i like doing what i like i love my freedom.
I have no intrerest in schools finger painting teen dramas i also like sleep.
I dont have the stomach to be around them when they are eating either.
My sister didnt like my reply.
And told me im missing out on what love really feels like.
I replied with.
I'm really not missing out on anything.
You're the one that had kids in your late 40s and all you want is help.
And now im in the doghouse because i was rude.
My family all know dont ask me to baby sit because it won't happen.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 14/09/2024 05:11

musixa · 13/09/2024 17:02

Not having extra people to worry about.

This. I am a parent and this is the hard bit. I love them more than I love myself and will worry about them until the day I die.

marshmallowfinder · 14/09/2024 05:26

For me, it would be the lack of guilt and burden of responsibility about how people turn out as adults. It can be overwhelming as a parent, especially if your child is unhappy with their life, or unfulfilled or needing help from their parents all their lives. It's exhausting. To not have that must be so peaceful.

Also, to know you haven't added exponentially to the human race who are plundering the planet and depleting resources and habitats faster than they can be replaced is a good thing. There are way too many people in the world.

ilovesooty · 14/09/2024 06:45

Wondergoldenlight · 13/09/2024 23:57

There’s a ton of reasons not to have a child I just think it’s weird that people are talking so much about puke and poo which are incredibly short term transient things.

And it's not just nappies. Children are well known for vomiting a lot, and not necessarily having the life experience to know when it's about to happen and get themselves to the loo. I really don't think I could cope with cleaning up human puke that wasn't my own - it's not dry and tidy, like, say, cat puke.

another one. I do have a child. She’s been sick once in her life. As if this is a reason not to have a child. It screams fear and phobia.

Edited

Have you no awareness of where you're posting?

Joystir59 · 14/09/2024 06:55

I just think raising children is very overrated. It's a huge amount of work and sacrifice for a very long time.

MsJinks · 14/09/2024 07:13

I do have kids though half of them have kids and half chose not to. I don't think you can explain the 'shock' or 'reality' of having them from the off - the fact you've suddenly got a lifetime commitment, or the way you love them. That's seen as a patronising comment I know but I don't know how else to put it. BUT I also think that once you've got them you then can't again know or appreciate what it's like to not have them, including the options and opportunities in a whole life without them. So this is a difficult, if not impossible, debate about pros/cons as we can't know the other point of view or even if it is a benefit or just grass is greener! I think the OP was looking for benefits of being childless too so the discussion about whether a benefit is valid is not really relevant.
A life with or without kids is obviously equally valid, obviously full, and we shouldn't be arguing with other women about this or judging any reason/benefit in not having them - all opinions and feelings should be respected- let's face it this issue, having kids or not, affects women so much more than men so let's stick together on it.

hattie43 · 14/09/2024 07:25

Freedom and knowing I wouldn't be wanting the risk of a disabled child .

Shortnotice · 14/09/2024 07:32

I have one child and definitely don't want anymore. And I totally get why women decide they don't want children, it has been the hardest job I have ever done, a total slog. That combined with the worry of anything ever happening to them. The only thing I think that is true is that the love I have for him is unlike anything I have ever felt for anyone else, it is unmatched, I wasn't expecting to love him so much and that has taken me by surprise.
It leaves me so vulnerable as well because if anything was to happen to him, I don't know how I could ever get over it. The grief would be too much.
I had the biological urge in my 30s and I was determined to have a baby. But I do wish that the biological urge hadn't come as wow, my life would be so much simpler without a child.
Put it simply, I do think having children is overrated and I do think they can ruin your life. Not saying my child has ruined my life but he has changed it irrevocably forever.

Squarecentimetre · 14/09/2024 07:43

I feel so sorry for all of the women who have come to this section because they’re childless or childfree not by choice and have to read some of the things written here by parents. I wonder if there’s a forum that has a ‘without children’ section that doesn’t have that issue.

HesGotHisTrombolyse · 14/09/2024 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't have children as never wanted them. I also wouldn't babysit any. Any at all because I don't like them.

AlmostCutMyHairToday · 14/09/2024 07:48

I have a DC and I'd say the number one benefit of a child-free life is not having your brain re-wired to permanently worry about them.

WandaFishy99 · 14/09/2024 08:03

HesGotHisTrombolyse · 14/09/2024 07:48

I don't have children as never wanted them. I also wouldn't babysit any. Any at all because I don't like them.

Show quote history

I have a DC but I completely understand how you feel because that's exactly how I felt until something happened in my brain to switch on my biological clock.
I love my DS and he's brought me nothing but joy but he's mine and I don't much like other people's children.

Squarecentimetre · 14/09/2024 08:05

HesGotHisTrombolyse · 14/09/2024 07:48

I don't have children as never wanted them. I also wouldn't babysit any. Any at all because I don't like them.

Show quote history

I love kids but I’m selective with who I babysit for, not because of the children but because of the parents! Babysitting shouldn’t be expected as many people don’t/can’t/won’t do it for many reasons.

ÚlldemoShúl · 14/09/2024 08:10

I came to this thread as a childfree person to see so many comments from parents! How can a parent know what the best thing about being child free is any more than I know the best thing about being a parent?!
I love children and young people- I’m a secondary school teacher, they brighten up my day.But that job is why I don’t want any of my own- so may things can go wrong, especially in the teen years. The responsibility of not ‘fucking yo’ your teen a la Philip Larkin is more than I would be happy with.
I also enjoy the freedom of being able to decide how to spend my time and the lack of noise which I find myself becoming less tolerant of as I get older. Finally I think my marriage benefits from not having children- we can give so much time and love to each other because we are not sharing it with kids too.

EveningSpread · 14/09/2024 08:26

What’s sad about threads like this is that many people feel the need to belittle the choices of others to make their own choices sound good.

We’re all entitled to like and choose different things. No news there.

All people are doing here is stating their values, whether that’s prioritising money, cleanliness, family, holidays, work, or something else.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 14/09/2024 08:31

It always goes like this. At some point we’ll get a wide-eyed poster expressing her surprise and confusion that there are non-mums on Mumsnet, and a helpful one going through the lists & explaining that of course you can still do this, that & the other if you’ve got kids.

Although the long argument about poo is something new.

LoobyDoop2 · 14/09/2024 09:26

Another one- again, a benefit not a reason, for the hard of thinking. Your possessions being safe. It would drive me round the bend to have the contents of the fridge, my wardrobe and dressing table pilfered every time my back was turned.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 14/09/2024 09:32

LoobyDoop2 · 14/09/2024 09:26

Another one- again, a benefit not a reason, for the hard of thinking. Your possessions being safe. It would drive me round the bend to have the contents of the fridge, my wardrobe and dressing table pilfered every time my back was turned.

Absolutely.

Also being able to eat what I want, when I want, including experimenting with new recipes, and being able to do things like go to the gym before work 3 mornings a week & meet up with friends at short notice. The cats don’t mind as long as I fill their bowls before I go out.

Sparklesandbeer · 14/09/2024 09:34

Yes the freedom. Freedom in terms of time, food, location, brain bandwidth.

Though my houseplants take quite a lot of the time and brain bandwidth 😂

Btw, we should all know by now the best eay to deal with certain posters is to simply absolutely ignore them

imverynosey · 14/09/2024 09:37

I used to think the same as everyone else here , I loved my freedom and my little flat living on my own , but eventually I grew lonely! Now I'm so happy I've had children. But one is 13 , the other is 8 weeks old. I couldn't deal with two young children at once! I feel I'd lose my identity too much. Currently I have the time to do things I like with just the one young child! Supportive family is a must too I guess x

ilovesooty · 14/09/2024 09:47

I just don't get why parents are commenting here to say that they used to feel like this until they saw the light.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 14/09/2024 09:51

ilovesooty · 14/09/2024 09:47

I just don't get why parents are commenting here to say that they used to feel like this until they saw the light.

They always do. Some don’t realise it’s the childfree board because it simply shows up in Active. Some talk about when they were ‘childfree’ - eg before they had kids. Some want us to understand that we’re missing out on Love. And I’m not sure what was going on with the poo thing.

Compash · 14/09/2024 09:55

To be fair, it's just one person who seems indignant about not liking poo. I just listed it as one of the many benefits - the sleep and freedom and lack of worry are much more important to me - but it seems one is not allowed to not heartily enjoy, or at least selflessly embrace, the opportunity to clean up another human's faeces... 🤭

Compash · 14/09/2024 09:58

Thought of another one - the arrival of the first child seems to be the point where the cracks start to appear in your husband's notional commitment to feminism or equality... and it's hard to fight back by 'simply not doing it' when a child's safety and comfort rely on someone stepping up...

Mukey · 14/09/2024 09:59

imverynosey · 14/09/2024 09:37

I used to think the same as everyone else here , I loved my freedom and my little flat living on my own , but eventually I grew lonely! Now I'm so happy I've had children. But one is 13 , the other is 8 weeks old. I couldn't deal with two young children at once! I feel I'd lose my identity too much. Currently I have the time to do things I like with just the one young child! Supportive family is a must too I guess x

I can't have children. No amounts of being lonely or wanting them will change that.
I read these threads to see the benefits of being childfree. And I just see so many posts from people saying what I'm apparently missing out on. It's very weird.
Plus if you have a 13 year old and an 8 week old you couldn't have enjoyed being childfree for that long.
I honestly don't understand why so many parents have to always go on and on about what non parents are apparently missing out on. Especially to ones that don't want them! I don't want a pet and if someone kept telling me how much I was missing out on not having a hamster I'd just find it weird.

ilovesooty · 14/09/2024 10:18

I actually will quite unashamedly say that since I ended my marriage I enjoy the freedom of simply not caring about another human being that much. I've got plenty of friends who of course I care about and value plus extended family I like but don't see much of and a sister I don't like much or have much contact with. When making decisions I only have myself to think about and I like it that way, and I don't want people fussing over me and criticising what I choose to do. Having children would have meant compromise, and I'm glad I don't have to do it. I do have the cats to love and consider (though I know pets aren't for everyone).

I like my life and I don't want some parent coming on this thread to tell me they used to be like that.

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