Where can an alternative 40 something make friends?

[Tokek]

Hello!

I moved to my current city nearly two years ago with my partner, and having lived all over the country I have never struggled to make friends as much as I have here. I have already tried a number of groups, most of which haven't had the social element I've been looking for, and as such I'm making one last attempt at casting the net to see if there might be any obscure interest groups I could be missing.

What I've been looking for is the kind of hobby that attracts alternative, maybe neurodiverse people, and that both meets regularly (at least every two weeks), at the same time each week or fortnight and involves a social element. By this I mean either the hobby involves sitting around a table and chatting over the activity, or else people stay for a drink/go to a pub or cafe afterwards.

It is really astonishing how few groups seem to meet all three criteria, let alone attracting my fellow oddballs too! I'll go into things I have tried or considered below, which will probably come across as moany but will hopefully give some perspective:

Anything too sporty or vigorous is out as I'm marathon training so need to rest physically on my off days. Meetup has some nice groups, but very few are based around meeting at the same time each week/fortnight meaning that you go to one event and meet some nice people but it's pot luck as to whether you'll see them again. I have been in a choir previously, but found most people a bit conventional for me (absolutely no judgement, there just wasn't a lot of commonality). Would love to find a drawing group, but there's nothing regular in my area. Have also tried the WI but the two groups near me don't have particularly regular events between the monthly meets. I'm also not keen on Bumble BFF as I find a lot of friendships that start off without unplanned interactions peter out quickly. Volunteering, I can't find any you can do in the evening in my area that looks like you'd be able to chat to other volunteers whilst on shift. Some people have suggested board game groups, but I don't like board games enough.

Is there anything at all I could be missing? Aside from the above, I will consider any hobbies that might have a chance of yielding a social circle!

Apologies for the moan, this is me trying my hardest to turn things around.

Or leisure adult education classes? If you pick a subject that people stick with long term then you'd be spending time with the same group of people every week for a year+.

https://philosophyinpublic.co.uk/

Actually some kind of niche language course might fit the bill - have to talk to other people at those!

maybe you could see if there are any other choirs where you might meet more like-minded people, you mentioned you tried one but certainly where I live there are loads of different choirs.
re evening volunteering, maybe a homeless shelter might work for you
maybe you could start a craft thing /eg stitch and (not) bitch in a pub or cafe, might take a bit of time to grow so not instant but likely to be appreciated once it’s going maybe

Morris dancing? Re enactments?
Protest group?

This has given me a vivid mental image of Morris dancers prancing threateningly towards police barricades while dressed as footsoldiers in the Battle of Tewkesbury…

History group /re-enactments

Film club or society

Ah, you’ve been to a folk festival?

I came on to suggest Morris dancing. Look for women's or mixed side, Border Morris maybe? Usually meet weekly, like a drink?

Roller Derby - my local groups are totally inclusive so if you don't want to actively train and play, then you could still get involved in lots of ways, like as a ref, or helping to run the club in various ways. Very social (always lots of options for meet ups and get togethers), and members of literally all ages and genders.

Hear me out because you said nothing too physical .... but does your town have a roller derby team? I've been a member of several teams after moving around and found them a great way to meet new friends, and usually slightly alternative ones. You could join the team as a skater or referee, but if skating isn't for you they are always keen to recruit volunteers to help officiate the games and practice sessions (called non skating officials or NSO's).

@IrisVonEverec snap!!

I once accidentally walked into a re-enactment of the Battle of Tewkesbury, carrying a carpet, looking for my DH and toddler, who turned up in some swordmaker’s workshop, eating soup. It was wild.

Astronomy group? I accidentally got involved in an astronomy group where I used to live. Ended up being a member for years and really enjoyed my time there!

I'd also recommend parkrun and joining your local running club. Volunteering at parkrun is a good way to get to know people. It's worth trying a few to see which one suits the best

do Any of your local pubs have hobby evenings?

Womens group? Meditation group? Communal garden?

There is one yoga group I'm planning to try, which is an unusual one after which people stay and have cake. Yoga otherwise isn't amazingly sociable, mostly being a class rather than a club after which people simply go home.

Haven't seen any litter picking groups that meet regularly, otherwise I'd be all over that! Would love to do all sorts of conservation, rewilding in particular, but haven't seen a huge amount advertised.

I love the idea of Morris, sadly I think it's going to be too vigorous.

Not heard of such a thing, what sort of hobbies would these usually involve?

Have you looked up your nearest Wildlife Trust? Some of them are quite busy with activities. Or similar types of charities on your area.

And check what activities are being advertised on library or community notice boards.

Yoga plus cake sounds interesting.

Isn't it mostly just skipping?!

I was going to suggest board game club 😂
have you tried the ramblers? They have ‘younger’ groups which you would fit into the category for. They meet regularly and have walks for all abilities. Nice mix of people and as you’re on the move if you don’t click with one person move onto the next!
otherwise - crafting? Lots of groups meet in pubs once a week on an evening
now.
It is really hard though- I really struggle to meet friends my own age. Most people have kids and true people at groups who like the same things of me are usually much older (not hating- my closest friend is 74 and I’m 35!) - it would be nice to make connections with folk at the same life stage as me and can relate to my 90s/ 00’s kid references!

Oh thanks, getting involved as a non player does sound good!

Can I just say I've been overwhelmed by the amount of replies I've had in such a short space of time. I really hadn't expected anything like this, so thank you so much for all your suggestions so far.