Covering for others at work

[NeonSoda]

Note: this is on the MNers without children board. This question is intended for those without children.

I work for a wonderful small charity in the leisure sector. Because of my role as a technical expert and product manager, I have a large knowledge base of the company and its business.

Because of this, I’m often called on to step in and cover when colleagues across the business have to have time off for emergency parenting duties.

There’s myself and one other that do my role, I’m female and my colleague is male. I notice that I’m asked to cover parental absence much more often than he is.

How do I set boundaries and stop having to cover meetings/working groups/training sessions etc for colleagues? I don’t mind doing it every now and again, but since September I’ve noticed the requests have become more frequent and have begun to cause my own project work to fall behind.

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

Perhaps say that you’re happy to help but can’t jeopardise your own projects and that you suggest any emergencies are covered on a rota basis?

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

But this is irrelevant if your complaint is being asked to cover for colleagues more often than your male peer is?

You can raise the imbalance without the reason for the absent colleagues' absences to come into it at all.

I'd get the names and contact details of the next generation who will look after you when you are old...

Seriously though, I'd be muttering sex discrimination if he isn't expected to do the cover that you are.

I’m answering despite being a parent.

if there is bias in the coverage, that needs to be corrected. Your male colleague should take his turn. It’s ok to push back, say you are busy this week and suggest he would be great to cover the task.

Also, any colleagues with the appropriate skills who happen to be parents should really be in the rotation. I have to take on emergency tasks at work all the time. It is part of having a senior role.

Suggest a rota

Maybe it is irrelevant. But I suppose that a lot of the resentment comes from having to cover because of choices regarding children that others made.

Sadly I don’t have a senior role. I’d probably be less bothered about it if I was being recompensed at a senior level! 😂

And, there just aren’t that many people who can cover. It’s a small charity, just 70 people, and as I said we do a niche role. Most others who have technical experience are parents and so aren’t flexible and often can’t cover things in the same way my colleague and I can (we’re both child free).

Focus your energy on getting a fair distribution of cover and making sure your management is clear on the trade-offs of covering for colleagues versus your own deliverables.

Also, you're going to find it a pretty long hard life if you resent society and individual workplaces being more accommodating and inclusive of caring responsibilities. Do you resent covering for a colleague who is taking dependents' leave for caring for an elderly relative?

You still have miles more flexibility in your life and career than someone with kids. Enjoy it.

But I suppose that a lot of the resentment comes from having to cover because of choices regarding children that others made.

Indeed. Do the parents in your workplace cover for you when you have had to deal with emergencies?

You still have miles more flexibility in your life and career than someone with kids. Enjoy it.

That’s quite an assumption you’re making about the OP’s personal circumstances. Not everyone without kids has more flexibility than someone with kids. I know some carers who would love to have the flexibility of someone with non-disabled children.

You’re making a lot of assumptions. Why should flexibility be only for those with kids?

I think it will be better received if you focus on the distribution of work cover between you and your male colleague. Perhaps you can find a way to keep track of the cover you do and he does?

Or perhaps ALL the colleagues can cover each other?

I can’t imagine that all the parents would need to take time off worst the same time.

And I also assume that if the parents take more than a few hours here or there, they lose wages or have to use leave.

I can’t see a way to have a fair distribution of cover when others are not willing to be flexible besause of caring responsibilities so it falls down to those without caring responsibilities.

Also, I’m not at a senior level where that’s my responsibility. I’m simply looking for ways to set boundaries more effectively.

Generally parents will not work evenings and weekends at late notice which means that the task gets pushed onto those without caring responsibilities.

I’ve never had the kind of emergency that would necessitate me taking emergency time off in this role.

Additionally, my role generally is not required to be covered. The work is just left until I return from being sick or whatever (although I’ve only had one day of sick in the last year).

But - why should my professional life suffer because others chose to have children?

That is why I’d like to be better at setting boundaries at work and saying no.

Your professional life is not suffering because others chose to have children. It's suffering because you are not as good as them at setting your own boundaries.

Your resentment is clear but it is misplaced. You need to be clear on the occasions you can't/won't work extra. Just say no.

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

I'm a parent and I'm shocked someone would say this. What a total moron, I'd think of a clever response to this as I don't even think that's true. I would put that person in their place!

I agree. I imagine the split between what you're asked to do and what he's asked to do also applies if you're covering sickness, or bereavement leave, or something else where the reason for the absence isn't to do with children?

Oh, that heartsink moment: "Jenny's little boy is poorly, would you mind ...". Obviously you hope for all the right reasons, as well as selfish ones, that the ill child will soon recover but there's a mental image of Jenny's work landing on top of yours that's so disheartening.

Sounds great, but there are few people who can do the covering, and the parents generally say they can’t because of caring responsibilities.

Yes! Exactly that!

You can’t say no, right? You’d be heartless. So then you’ve lost your evening or weekend because childfree people don’t have real responsibilities.

I’ve only covered for sick leave once in the past 18 months. Never covered bereavement leave.

No idea why there is so much emergency parenting cover required.