Covering for others at work

[NeonSoda]

Note: this is on the MNers without children board. This question is intended for those without children.

I work for a wonderful small charity in the leisure sector. Because of my role as a technical expert and product manager, I have a large knowledge base of the company and its business.

Because of this, I’m often called on to step in and cover when colleagues across the business have to have time off for emergency parenting duties.

There’s myself and one other that do my role, I’m female and my colleague is male. I notice that I’m asked to cover parental absence much more often than he is.

How do I set boundaries and stop having to cover meetings/working groups/training sessions etc for colleagues? I don’t mind doing it every now and again, but since September I’ve noticed the requests have become more frequent and have begun to cause my own project work to fall behind.

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

I’ve only covered for sick leave once in the past 18 months. Never covered bereavement leave.

No idea why there is so much emergency parenting cover required.

I guess what I mean is - your issue is that you're being asked to cover this work because the role you're in lends itself to being able to cover, and also because you're female. I think if you start talking about the reasons for the absences it slightly muddies your very reasonable point about being asked to do more cover than your male colleague.
You asked about setting boundaries, so I think the suggestion of a rota (which would include any parents) for covering emergencies is good. It sounds like your role is one that means you're able to cover lots of other roles so a rota may not work perfectly if others aren't able to cover as many roles as you, but it will definitely help. And I don't see a reason why parents shouldn't be included in it.

Depending on the roles and how it all works, is it also possible to split the work? So if someone is off, it doesn't all fall to one person to cover, but instead several people can do bits. Obviously that's fairly situation/role/organisation specific so may not be suitable.

Are you paid extra to do out if hours cover?

It isn't clear why it had to be out of hours as surely the parents were not working those hours if not taking leave?

If no pay I'd just say I too had stuff in evening or weekends I needed to do. Or everyone has to cover say 1 weekend in 8.

Again, you're getting aggrieved in the wrong direction.

You need to speak to your management about fair distribution (ie not all on you without your male colleague pulling his weight). And have the conversation about balance between your deliverables versus covering for others. If the company doesn't acknowledge how you've covered for the team then there are maybe broader issues with the company.

Where on earth are you reading that into what I've said? I specifically mention flexibility for those caring for older people.

do management give you any recognition or rewards for the extra cover ? @NeonSoda

I agree with this.

"In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation"

I would call that discrimination. Also, you being asked more than him is another type pf discrimination.

Me and one other bloke had similar in one job. How do you get time back? I would say try to negotiate extra time or money for "emergency cover". What we did was a bit more casual - we took the relevant TOIL but asked for more "favours".

Emergency leave should cover all dependents, have they got that set up with people who have elderly parents?

when I cover it’s usually for volunteer working groups (in the evenings), site visits, or training (which involves whole days and can be off site).

many of the parents in my workplace leave mid-afternoon to pick their children up from school (and then work from home) so they can’t cover days of training or off site, and they can’t do evening working groups because of their children.

My colleagues and managers know I don’t have anything that can’t be moved in the evening - as someone unhelpfully said above, being childfree generally gives you a flexibility that parents are envious of.

And no, I’m not paid extra to work out of hours. It’s generally expected my role involves a little out of hours work anyway (I go out and interact with volunteers sometimes, or go to conferences etc). So I guess that’s what makes it easy to ask me to do the extras for when others have emergencies to deal with.

Nope, sadly not. My projects still have to be delivered on time otherwise the board come down hard on us. There’s a culture in my department of just working more hours to fit the work in.

We have a very generous leave policy, if you need emergency leave then you take it. No questions asked. I work for a charity and that means the culture is generally very kind, which is great!

Technically I can take the time back as TOIL if I work outside my hours, but then my projects get delayed further so I rarely do.

Pretend an elderly parents/relatives needs have escalated and start using that as a commitment.
They won't know/can't prove otherwise.

Start taking your TOIl.
Let your manager know that with doing the cover you will have to start taking TOIL as your well being is impacted.
Start to fail to deliver on your projects when asked to cover as you are using TOIl
It will be uncomfortable but the longer you cover for others and don't take the time back the longer it will go on.
In my experience if you just keep delivering then they will let you carry on covering and working over.
Don't mention that it's parental leave that's the issue. Let them work it out.
Just keep repeating about your well being and long hours

I won’t lie to my collages in that way. I love my job and want to stay with the organisation a long time.

What is good for my mental health is not time off (what do I do with it? I live on my own and can’t afford to go on holiday or anything), but instead getting my work done and finished on time.

Like literally - delayed projects stress me out and impact my home life massively. I’d like to just get on with my work, deliver the projects I work on (which I find really exciting and it’s one of the reasons I resent working on other things), and see people enjoying what I’ve created. :-)

You need some stock phrases.

I'm at capacity, have you tried Joan or John?
I've got my basket weaving class on Wednesday so I have to leave on time.
Sorry I have an appointment that cannot be moved.
This week is terrible for me, I can cover next week though.

And the blunt, gosh that's the 56th time I've been asked, John has only done 2, I think it's his turn.

You need a life outside of work and minimising whatever that is, because it doesn't involve children is a mistake. If you don't have something, invent it.

You need to sit down with your manager and pass it back to them.

You'd hate for the charity to be hit with a sexism claim and in 2023 you were pulled in to cover x times more times than your male counterpart and y times more than other colleagues, so they need to find a way to address this. Particularly as your own work is suffering which is important to the board. You can't be random cover AND do your full time work so someone up the chain needs to look at this and start thinking of ways of solving it.

Just start telling them that because of the number of shifts you have covered, your own work is suffering. If they want you to complete your projects on time they need to have more coverage.

My colleagues and managers know I don’t have anything that can’t be moved in the evening - as someone unhelpfully said above, being childfree generally gives you a flexibility that parents are envious of.

Sounds like you are a little too forthcoming about what you do in your personal life. Simply making it clear you have firm commitments on certain nights ought to be enough without going into the specifics. Nobody else's business if it's volunteering, your martial arts class or a standing date with Netflix.

What would actually happen if you turn down a request for out of hours cover?

This would be my approach too, firm boundaries.

You also mention that parents can't work in the evenings or some weekends or be on site (sorry if I got this a bit wrong), but actually, assuming these are in the diary in advance, I would argue that these parents are being allowed not to attend and not making any effort to cover themselves because you always do it.

I'm a parent, and if I have commitments in my diary, I make it work and show up. It's not my colleagues' responsibility to cover my arse because I don't fancy working an evening or going to a conference. Sure, some may not have anyone to lean on but it can't be that all of them don't have a partner or family to babysit of an evening so they can engage in the work they're paid for.

Yes, I agree with this.

It does sound as though some of the parents may be taking the piss a bit with what they say they can’t do. Not in terms of the emergency cover, necessarily, but if evening / full office day working is required then they need to be doing that and sorting out childcare. I know our workplace wouldn’t be too impressed if, other than in an emergency, people turned around and said they weren’t going to do part of their role.

But it’s a manager problem. Set out clearly what you are prepared to do and they need to find cover for the rest.

Just propose you and the man take alternate turns, and if it's still too much, the issue with the people defaulting on their commitments needs to be addressed.

Take this to your manager. Point out that you are doing more than your share and are not doing the project work you are assigned to do.

Point out the number of hours you do off site, at weekends, evenings and cutting into your other work time.

Suggest that either the charity constructs a role that covers these events or that these are not arranged unless there is a team commitment to cover them.

Why would management change anything? You go and cover, take no TOIL AND still finish all your projects on time. Just come on here and moan but don't take it up with them?

If you don't make it uncomfortable for them either in terms of your projects not getting completed, or compensated for your extra time, then they have NO incentive to change a thing.

You also mention that parents can't work in the evenings or some weekends or be on site (sorry if I got this a bit wrong), but actually, assuming these are in the diary in advance, I would argue that these parents are being allowed not to attend and not making any effort to cover themselves because you always do it.

@DinkyDonkey2018 if she's covering for parents in the evening then I guess that when booked in advance parents are doing that work. The issue seems to be that when it needs covering at short notice the parents are saying "sorry can't do that", or maybe the parents aren't even being asked. And then everything is getting dumped onto OP instead.

There's a lot in your posts I recognise, and I'm sure others do too. But I think if you're going to discuss this at work / with a manager, you need to be clear about what the issue is - there's a lot of points you raise, but then I'm not so sure what your real complaint is.

For what it's worth ...
Are you just wanting a rant here - which is fair enough; or do you genuinely want something to change something at work?
What is your real complaint? Not that it can be only "one". But - is it that its only you expected to cover; no other role is expected to. Or no other person i.e. male colleague - so do you really feel there's sex discrimination aspect to it?
You get TOIL for cover - but don't use it. Is that your choice? Could you discuss overtime payment instead?
Do you need to be blunt and say that it literally doesn't work if you have the pressure to complete your projects in time, are expected to provide all / most emergency cover and then take your TOIL.
But whatever your work choose to do, you can choose to set your own boundaries. Whether that's "I've already covered 4 days this month, can X do this"; or having your own commitments out of work (even if that's "only" Wednesday evenings you go for a walk ..)