Covering for others at work

[NeonSoda]

Note: this is on the MNers without children board. This question is intended for those without children.

I work for a wonderful small charity in the leisure sector. Because of my role as a technical expert and product manager, I have a large knowledge base of the company and its business.

Because of this, I’m often called on to step in and cover when colleagues across the business have to have time off for emergency parenting duties.

There’s myself and one other that do my role, I’m female and my colleague is male. I notice that I’m asked to cover parental absence much more often than he is.

How do I set boundaries and stop having to cover meetings/working groups/training sessions etc for colleagues? I don’t mind doing it every now and again, but since September I’ve noticed the requests have become more frequent and have begun to cause my own project work to fall behind.

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

You're quite right. I just read back and realised I thought thus was a day to day issue, not an emergency one. I do think that these parents can provide some flexibility and help out, though. It's really unfair for OP, and I'd still suggest the standard responses quoted earlier so it's not landed in her lap all the time. I'd be mortified if my colleague was feeling taken for granted and not mucking in to help out occasionally.

Harsh reality... their kids are their problem.

Those other people also need to be on the rota and be asked first to do every part that comes up.

Or they need to clearly say I can't do anything outside of core hours. Which could be a contract change.

If you won't take time off as it affects other projects then it's cold hard cash or not doing it.

This wouldn't all wash in a non charity company -people ducking out of pre agreed events. Maybe once a year you could but not regularly.

I was you for 8 years, OP.

I’m finally getting Xmas off for the first time as I put my foot down and just said, “sorry, that doesn’t work for me” to every person who tried to wheedle a swap. And believe me, they’ve put the pressure on. Lots of “but but but you don’t have kids, you don’t get it, it’s only a magical time for a little while; you’re ruining my kids’ christmas!” etc etc. 2 of them even went to HR and reported me for discriminating against mums.

Nobody appreciates you doing all the crap shifts. You only think they do, until you see how they treat you when you stop.

You don’t need to make anything up. You just need to say “sorry, that doesn’t work for me”. You’ve done enough not being “heartless”, time for the parents to do the job you’re all presumably being paid the same to do (or for management to sort something else out).

I feel for you though. It’s so shit doing all the extra rubbish for no extra pay and being unable to take TOIL, without having it all be because you haven’t procreated.

I would suggest a rota for everyone including the parents. If they know they will be on call on X week, they will have to make it work. If you don't set boundaries, this will continue.

Don't forget to turn off your phone on 24th or before! Still rooting for you

It sounds like your manager is failing you in order for them to have an easy life.

I have a team full of parents and 1 childfree person. I expect everyone to cover for everyone else, not the childfree person to be the sole cover. And if all else fails I am the cover because I am more senior and paid more so even if it disrupts my plans that's part of the job.

I've only once had an issue where a parent suggested the childfree person be expected to do more because they were childfree and that parent got pulled up pretty sharply by me and it hasn't happened again.

I am a very flexible manager, but the flexibility extends to everyone. So a parent might want to leave early for a kids sporting event, but the childfree person equally gets to leave early sometimes because they wants to beat rush hour to get across London to see their parents for example.

Everyone gives a little, everyone takes a little, it's the only way to be fair.

You need to be firmer about setting boundaries and also be clearer about it being senior people's problems to get cover and to be cover for other people's absence. Don't allow higher paid people to opt out of their roles by giving in all the time

Just be firm but not apologetic, something like:

Due to covering two events outside of my role this month I now need to focus on my own deliverables in order to meet my deadlines which the board have indicated are high priority.

Do not say sorry, apologising makes it sound like you are in the wrong when you aren't.

I have kids but don't think I deserve any special treatment and will pull my weight fully. Some people are just arseholes
As an aside I've only just seen this board when did it start

I've only once had an issue where a parent suggested the childfree person be expected to do more because they were childfree and that parent got pulled up pretty sharply by me and it hasn't happened again.

Good for you. If a childfree person is expected to do more they should also be rewarded more & I bet the parent wouldn’t have liked that idea.

You need to have a serious chat with your manager and say that you want cover to be allocated equally from now on.

It is not acceptable that you have to cover for everyone else simply because you are a woman with no kids...

Also your employer should monitor the current levels of absence from parents, if it is constantly increasing then it is affecting the business and this should be scrutinised.

It might also be the the company is also short-staffed full stop and is using your good will to avoid hiring to restore adequate staff levels.

You need to toughen up and be blunt.
Manager: Op can you work late tonight, Laura has to leave due to childcare?
Op: puzzled look. Have you asked Jim? I’ve covered the last 8 times now.
Manager: Err no I haven’t asked Jim. Could you help out?
Op: I’m afraid not. I have something on. Also I really, really need to crack on with the Y project, I can’t keep covering for meetings and training as it’s negatively impacting the Y project.

Also why on earth are they employing people who cannot work the hours? We’d all like to leave work early, get on with other things, and then work from home. I’d love that.

I work for a charity and that means the culture is generally very kind, which is great!

Except it isn't kind is it. It is not kind to assume that just because you don't have kids that your free time is worth less than those who do. It is not kind for them to always ask the woman to cover and not the man.

I've found, through working alongside a lot of charities, that their kindness is superficial and they don't treat any of their staff particularly well, or pay them anywhere near what they should.

Maybe get out of the charity sector.

Then you have to say No. And suggest there’s a roster, so that extra duties are shared out fairly and transparently.

You have the right to a domestic life, just as much as colleagues with children.

Alternatively could you bargain a bit? Say you’ll do a night cover but you’ll have the whole day of the next day to compensate as you’re being asked to work unsociable hours.

Oh do one with this attitude.

Presumably most people with kids recognise before having them that they’re going to have less flexibility?

I used to have this at my current workplace but in a different role. The expectation that I could just stay late as anything I had to do was irrelevant. I just started saying "Oh, I can't today/this weekend, I've got plans! I can do next weekend if you can let me know by tomorrow" etc. If asked about plans I'd just say they were personal.

I've worked at the same place for well over a decade now so it didn't stunt my professional growth. These days, I log off at 4pm. Sometimes I'll stay late for a genuine emergency but those are few and far between.

If your employer isn't willing to fix the workload issue and share it equally among the team, then that is their issue to solve

Edited to add, I would never have covered without overtime pay or TOIL. It's not voluntary if you're being forced to do it.

Or just start on the Baileys at 8am.

If a parent says “I have to go because my child has hit their head/is being sick/has had a diabetic attack” then nobody is going to stop them going to their child.

because of the nature of the charity I work for and the age people tend to come to us I’d say probably 80% of our workforce have dependent children.

Also, you're going to find it a pretty long hard life if you resent society and individual workplaces being more accommodating and inclusive of caring responsibilities

How about society and workplaces being accommodating and inclusive of people who don't want to be the go-to cover all the time because someone like you has decided that their life has 'flexibility' and that justifies any demands people decide to make?

Funny how that famed 'flexibility' only ever seems to go one way.

This is similar to threads about working over Christmas. The system has to be fair - ie a rota and not always those without children.

It’s like that horrible phrase ‘be kind’ which only ever goes one way.

If you want to misread it like that then go for it.

No, I don't have kids or any other dependents.

You can cover but it has to take second place to your own work. Say things like “sure if I can squeeze a bit of time once I’ve finished (my work)” or maybe (male colleague) and I can share that task between us as I’ve a lot to do with my own stuff.

Sadly it’s generally stuff that can’t be squeezed in or shared. Online meetings with volunteers, visits to sites that involves travel, or full/multi day training courses.