Covering for others at work

[NeonSoda]

Note: this is on the MNers without children board. This question is intended for those without children.

I work for a wonderful small charity in the leisure sector. Because of my role as a technical expert and product manager, I have a large knowledge base of the company and its business.

Because of this, I’m often called on to step in and cover when colleagues across the business have to have time off for emergency parenting duties.

There’s myself and one other that do my role, I’m female and my colleague is male. I notice that I’m asked to cover parental absence much more often than he is.

How do I set boundaries and stop having to cover meetings/working groups/training sessions etc for colleagues? I don’t mind doing it every now and again, but since September I’ve noticed the requests have become more frequent and have begun to cause my own project work to fall behind.

In a previous workplace I brought this up, and was told that I should “do my bit” because these parents are just caring for the next generation who will look after me when I’m old. So I’d like to avoid that kind of confrontation.

What if you asked whether the cover or your project took priority & explained that you couldn’t get both done in the necessary timeframe?

I’ve had to do that in the past.

I think you need to watch Toodaloo on YouTube. She has some very professional ways of reframing things to send the responsibility right where it belongs.

My colleagues and managers know I don’t have anything that can’t be moved in the evening - as someone unhelpfully said above, being childfree generally gives you a flexibility that parents are envious of.

Your colleagues and boss have no idea what you do out of hours. Commitments, night classes, therapy.... just say 'I'm not available'. If they ask why just look askance and say that it's none of their business

My colleagues and managers know I don’t have anything that can’t be moved in the evening - as someone unhelpfully said above, being childfree generally gives you a flexibility that parents are envious of.

Then you need to stop sharing your private life so much and make it clear that this flexibility doesn't equal being at your employers beck and call all the time; that you have a life outside work and commitments that you want to fulfil.

Do you get paid for this 'flexibility'?

Doing nothing is actually a thing. It's very important to have "nothing" time. I make sure to have nothing time and defend it to death after stress induced IBS....
"what are you doing on sat?
" nothing"
"oh so you are free to..."
"no. I am doing nothing"
Some people absolutely don't get it because normally people specify "watching movies, gardening etc" but I don't know what my "nothing" will be. Maybe I will just browse online. Maybe I will do gardening. Maybe I will jsut throw around some dry mealworms and make up stories about the sparrows who fight for them🤷 Who knows.
Doing nothing planned.

And whatever you had planned, doesn't have to be movable as well. The fact that it can be moved, doesn't mean it should.
Protect your free time

So if I’m asked to do several things urgently and I know I won’t be able to do all of them I tell my line manager.
I say Beryl has asked me to get the figures done but I have to complete the xcel spreadsheet regarding expenditure by 1pm, plus one Elaine has asked me to cover Sue’s absence and Nan the phones until 2pm. What would you like me to prioritise as I can’t do all 3.

Yeah, this. ATM your manager is taking the soft option of asking you because they know you'll do it rather than actually doing the hard stuff of managing the other staff members so they take their turn or setting priorities.

You're saying you have to cover for parents due to emergency caring responsibilities- the cover happens on evenings and weekends - however you also said the parents don't actually work evenings or weekends ? So how are the parents needing cover for their work if they don't work those hours anyway ?

Sorry if I've completely missed something

I expect you’re being asked to do more than is reasonable because you always say yes. I had a similar situation a few years ago where I was being called on at short notice to cover for colleagues, I was always the first person called even though there were others who potentially could have covered. I realised it was because I always said yes, some of the others were less guaranteed so I think it was easiest for the person needing to arrange short-notice cover to just call me to do it, even when I’d already done several extra shifts that week and others had done none.

I think the only way to stop this happening is to start saying no when asked to work outside of your contracted hours or at short notice. Don’t make yourself available 100% of the time. You can always say you have an appointment or social engagement/ plans, it’s completely reasonable to want to have free time regardless of whether you do or don’t have caring responsibilities. Start saying no and they will be forced to start asking other people and finding alternatives to calling you, which at the moment sounds like is just the default easy option for whoever has to sort the cover.

Maybe do what I had to do. 2x no, 1x yes on repeat. So you don't always say no, but protecy yoursel?