Should we start every thread with a disclaimer?

[SoRainbowRhythms]

I've seen it on various Black Mumsnetters posts and it seems a good idea. The wording an OP on there used was "In case this comes up on Trending or Active, this is the Black MNetters board and I’m actively looking for opinions from Black women only!"

Something to try? We could at least ask people to be respectful to the fact this is the CF forum.

After having some very unpleasant comments aimed at me on previous childfree threads I think it's not a bad idea at all.

Yup, good idea.

I don't think it's a bad idea

However have you seen what sometimes happens on Black MN when that disclaimer is posted?

It's usually a combination of posters telling them they are racist for posting it and/or justifying why their opinion is so important that they can ignore it

So hopefully it will cut down on the people accidentally straying, but I'm not sure it would remove those who need to tell us we are wrong because they say so and their need to tell us that is far more valid than any disclaimer.

You’re right @Insommmmnia

I couldn’t believe the abuse a poster got for stipulating that she had a question about black hairstyles for toddlers and would appreciate replies from black women only. It was exactly as you described - right down to the (presumably white) poster who said she was perfectly qualified to answer because she knew a black child 😅

That's just insane 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ people really fucking baffle me sometimes.

I don’t know why these boards (Childfree/Black Mumsnetters etc) aren’t hidden from Active. That would go some significant way to stop people wading into discussions which aren’t for them, and where their views aren’t wanted.

The issue is that if the threads aren't on active then newer members or existing members who are unaware of the spaces have to actively go looking for them rather than just finding them. Which they won't do if they don't know they are there

I mean the reality is Black MNs (and childfree people) should be able to have a space where people don't go wandering into for the express purpose of telling them off for having an opinon.

I often wonder whether these posters would be as quick to wander up to people in a cafe having the same conversation and start berating them.

So there is also a thing around making posters feel like they have to be hidden away in order to be allowed to talk. Which when thinking about marginalised communities such as Black women is more complex. So I'm not sure there is an easy answer.

I originally didn't want the topic to be hidden from active but I have changed my mind because I am bored of not being able to speak without being spoken over by parents who know better than me what it is to be childfree. I am happy to go with the community consensus though

I always try to signpost other CF / CL people here (been here since the beginning but might have got a bit annoyed and got a little ban..)

I think if we keep spreading the good word we can be removed from active.

I also voted for our threads to be included in active, but have changed my mind.

I tend to put (childfree section) after my title if I'm starting a thread - so far it seems to have worked. I think the problem with the disclaimer is that we can't really tell someone not to post in this section, it is their right etc. But having that in the title probably puts some people off clicking on the thread; certainly the most annoying posters who wouldn't waste their time reading something written by someone who is not a mother?

Yeah I think that could help actually because people do not read where they are, they just read beginning of op at best

I think I’ll start adding to the title as @Possimpible does. A heads up without directly saying please don’t post if you are CF/CL in case it is jumped on.

I did once put Childfree Forum in brackets before the thread title.

I'd prefer this not to be in active because the pile-ons and arguments are getting tedious. I've no problem with the parents who say 'sorry, didn't realise it was the CF board' but it's pretty obvious lately that some people are coming here to start an argument. If that means people can't find us, then that's unfortunate, but they can be directed here by posting the link in relevant threads.

God, it's not even the arguments that bother me. You go onto any thread (e.g. the dream retirement thread) and there's multiple posts about kids and grandkids. It's a real shame.

The "I have kids but I still want to give you my 2 cents" bugs the hell out of me.

Yes!

That’s particularly infuriating to hear as I deliberately haven’t posted on that thread because I’m single and broke and don’t have a retirement plan let alone a dreamy one, so realised my contribution wouldn’t be useful or appropriate.

But of course the actual people the board is for are self-regulating whereas the people it’s not for couldn’t give a monkeys.

God, it's not even the arguments that bother me. You go onto any thread (e.g. the dream retirement thread) and there's multiple posts about kids and grandkids. It's a real shame

Which is why I favour this board coming out of active. We can be more robust about saying 'this is the CHILDFREE BOARD' without the whining about 'well it's in Active, I can post if I want.' And that 'if I want' is getting more frequent lately - like the pages of 'giving birth makes you more empathetic.'

Also little comments in the retirement thread like "this isn't a childfree/parent issue"

Yeah we know everyone retires and plans things but that doesn't mean we can't have a nice conversation about it over here without you barging in to tell us retirement can be the same for parents too 🙄

Literally the only people trying to turn a nice thread into a childfree/parent "issue" was in fact a parent

To be fair I should have ask straight away if and how people plan on spending it all since they don't have to think about leaving inheritance or helping. That is the difference in the decisions and planning in my experience from talking to people🙈 Clarity is not cabbage's strong point I guess😂

Also little comments in the retirement thread like "this isn't a childfree/parent issue"

It seems to have eluded that poster that CF people retire and don't have children to think/worry about/take into consideration when making their plans. And that they were on the CHILDFREE BOARD to start with.

Yes. And childfree people have much less of a desire or perceived need (usually) to leave an inheritance/ help out the next generation.

Inheritance is a real conundrum for me ATM doing will planning because it's not as easy as dividing among children/grandchildren and done.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

My DH and me as well.

If I survive him I'm planning to leave half to my only neice and the other half split between the 2 children of a cousin. But to be honest I'm hoping not to leave much behind!