Does anyone else not have a huge family to celebrate Christmas with .

[hattie43]

I'm starting to see more and more
' chatter ' about Christmas events and planning the day in the media and online and it all assumes everyone has a huge family and lots of people coming around .
Does anyone else feel a pang of regret about having small / no family left or a twinge of envy of those with lots of big busy family Christmases .
This year it seems I'll only have one elderly relative left on the day and it seems tragic and not sure what we can do to have a nice day . I have a lot of events with friends during the month but they all have extended family and I'll be left with one elderly parent .
Maybe I'm being ungrateful and there will those who will be totally alone on the day and I wondered what they do . Perhaps they treat it like any other day .
I am not enjoying seeing the decline in family as I have no children and the oldies are dying off .

We never did a big family Christmas as a child so I've grown up thinking it would be awful.

DH's family didn't do it either.

So it's just the 2 of us and it'll be fine. If I was down to 1 I'd go on holiday.

I'll be on my own this year, dad died recently and I don't want to spend it with sibling and wife ever, although I will visit in the morning, two lots of aunts and uncles, all in their 90s.

I do get invited to stay for Christmas lunch but always prefer to go home.

I like a quiet Christmas. 😀

Maybe I'm being ungrateful and there will those who will be totally alone on the day and I wondered what they do

My family are either dead, people I haven't seen for years (with good reason) or on the other side of the world.* I order decent food and wine from M&S, buy myself some Fortnum treats, rummage through the bumper Radio Times with my highlighter for stuff I want to watch (never watch most of it but it's the thought that counts), meet a mate for a good lunch pre Xmas and then hole up and read, watch TV and go for walks.

Bloody marvellous. Then on Christmas day I come on here to check out the threads on 'it's 10am and we've ALREADY had a row with MIL/turkey is too small/kids don't like their presents/SIL is being a bitch' threads.

*I do have DB but he has to organise around his teenagers so see him before Xmas, as well.

My Christmases have got quieter and smaller as the years have gone by. It is a bit sad, but I have learnt to just see it as another day.

@AnnaMagnani Going on holiday is a good idea. I think I would do that too if I was on my own.

Thinking next year I might get a hotel in central London and let someone else do the cooking but I say that every year and never manage to get myself in gear.

'Then on Christmas day I come on here to check out the threads on 'it's 10am and we've ALREADY had a row with MIL/turkey is too small/kids don't like their presents/SIL is being a bitch' threads.'

😁 I do this too

It's just me and DP for Christmas. Neither of us are Christmas fans to put it mildly so it's fine, nice even. I've done many family Christmases over the years and I honestly think I'm done with all that. Too claustrophobic and stifling for me - maybe that's just my family though!

I do feel a little bit envious of others with their busy schedules and lots of hustle and bustle at that time but I remind myself that the fantasy and the reality do not always match

I do feel a little bit envious of others with their busy schedules and lots of hustle and bustle at that time but I remind myself that the fantasy and the reality do not always match

I look at the supermarket ads with the tables groaning with food and all the magazine articles about prepping and what to eat for the various days when the rellies turn up and the drinks parties for neighbours and the things to take the kids over the Xmas break and think, Charles Dickens, you have a HELL of a lot to answer for.

Christmas was never really a big thing for me growing up. My mum didn't drive so there was none of that visiting relatives thing. It was just the three of us. Presents, dinner, then dozing on the couch watching TV. As an adult I was ALWAYS rostered in to work Christmas day, so couldn't celebrate it even if I wanted to. The day just passes me by now.

It’s just me and my partner and we spend Christmas in a hotel for two or three nights. I spent Christmas on my own for a few years before I met my partner and always enjoyed it.

One year a friend asked me to spend Christmas Day with her family and at 5pm said “let me know when you want to go home”, I didn’t feel very welcome to put it mildly.

That wa pretty much ours, as well. None of this dashing around to pantomimes and ballet and seeing Christmas festivals at various venues - not that that was really a thing growing up. A bus to see the lights on Oxford and Regent St was about as exciting as it got. 😄

I think not every minds but it’s perfectly natural to mind.

I would face it head on and decide what your best plan B is - go on holiday, or on a retreat, or hole up for 3 days with preprepped food and drink.

Try some different things and creste a traditional for yourself. I’m not saying that’s idea for you, but you want to make it as good as it can be.

Oh yes. Never seen a pantomime in my life. There was the switching on of the Christmas lights outside city hall though. Very anti-climatic. And cold. And crowded. That did not become a tradition for us 😬

I know Sarah Millican runs a #joinin campaign on Tiwtter allowing people who are spending the day alone to tag in and share some details and jokes etc about their days.

When I used to go to Christmas Day at other homes, I could never drink more than half a glass of wine as I would be driving.

By being at home alone, I can drink a whole bottle of fizz if I want to and the furthest I need to go is upstairs to bed, no driving required.

'Try some different things and creste a traditional for yourself'

I think this is really good advice. Try to make Christmas something you can enjoy as much as possible, on your own terms. DP and I have been together for a long time and I've started a tradition of making beef chilli on Christmas Eve, with guac and rice and salsa and a good bottle of red. We both really love chilli and it's got naff all to do with Christmas, which is something else I love about it!

We don't do presents either. We're both Winter babies, so make a big deal out of each others birthdays instead

Define Christmas for yourself, as much as you can. Take the bits you want, ditch the bits you don't!

I’m doing Christmas on my own this year and really looking forward to it!

no trying to please the relatives. No eating food I don’t want and seeing the stuff I do want relegated from the oven.

my family have always been really happy for me to travel to them And when there were elderly folk around it made sense. Now, however, we’re all working age adults but when asked to do the reverse I got “but it’s such a hassle and so expensive at Christmas”

I did get to host a couple of times at my Dads. But have never been able to host in my own home which saddens me.

so after 20yrs of packing a suitcase to fight on a train I’m not. And neither are they!

I think families go through phases. We are in the phase where all the grandparent generation have passed on and the now adult children haven't yet started their families. So Christmases are currently pretty quiet with just 4 round the table. I much preferred the larger slightly chaotic ones where the focus was on the kids. 14 round the table in those days. My brother said one time, the kids made Christmas. He doesn't bother coming any more. Our gain actually.

Christmas is definitely over rated without children about. We'll be quiet at home again but we prefer that to going out to eat on Christmas Day.

So I’ve spent a few Christmases without family now - no kids and estranged from parents. I actually prefer not having to travel and honestly I find these big festive times only bring out the worst in a dysfunctional family. I do miss the feeling of belonging to some wider clan but most of it is just what’s sold to us on TV, and I never had that in the first place.

And YES to new traditions. Ballet on Xmas Eve. On the day, I don’t cook a big dinner but do various things that can be done in the oven in 10 mins then camp out in front of the TV. I’d really like to volunteer on the day in future. It’s what you make it - like being CF, you can carve your own vision just as you like it, not having to follow the one advertised for you.

That sounds like my perfect Christmas Day!
DH and I are generally the only ones here, DS and his family obviously want Christmas at home (2 young children, 100+ miles from here), DD lives alone and is welcome to join us if she wants to.
I’m fed up with cooking Christmas dinner then not wanting to eat it so last year we had cold meats, jacket potatoes and salad and it was the best meal ever!
I have no intention of putting myself out for the two of us this year so will probably do something similar.
We have minimal/ no Christmas decorations, a twiggy tree with lights and that’s it 😊

Boxing Day is a walk on a beach, picnic with hot soup, hot dogs and onions (in a vacuum flask), plenty of fresh air and the dog gets a long walk. We’ve even done it in snow!

If anyone would like to come and spend Christmas with a big family to put you off the idea forever, let me know and I'll invite you!

This year it's to be:
Grandma, grandpa, great aunt and uncle.
My mam and her five siblings. Dad and his three siblings.
16 cousins from mum's side and 8 from dad's (not including me and my siblings)
Me and my six siblings.
My one daughter, 12 neices/nephews.
Husband
Mil, Fil
Husband's brother and sister and their partners and four children between them.
13 dogs.
Possibly a donkey.

Wish me luck! There's a lot to be said for small, quiet Christmases, planning for ours often has to start in July!

That sounds like my perfect Christmas Day!

It's pretty damned good, not quite honed to perfection but getting there. Other DB phones from Oz to say hi (if he and DSIL aren't visiting her kids) and for dinner I usually have M&S pheasant which is stuffed and boned so no faffing with the carving and nice leftovers cold. And being on my own, if I decide bugger it, I'm not cooking, it's just cheese biscuits and port for dinner, there's no-one to moan.

'honestly I find these big festive times only bring out the worst in a dysfunctional family. I do'

Couldn't agree more. Expectations are often sky high as well and lots of pressure to be happy-clappy and play whatever role is expected of you on the day

I fly solo. I no longer have parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles or siblings, and don’t have any kids. I have a boyfriend but we don’t live together and he spends the day with his teenage children. I have an invite to have lunch with a not-an-auntie (but like one) and her family but usually decline.

I usually hole up for Cmas and Boxing Day. I read lots and cook a small roast just for me. The next few days I do lots of walking in the hills and try to see a couple of friends. NYE day I clean the absolute arse off the house, declutter, and have an early night with a new book. I like starting the new year with a clean house and clean slate.

I didn’t like it this way when I started in my 20s. But now I’m 50 and fiercely protective of “my” way of doing Christmas.

Then on Christmas day I come on here to check out the threads on 'it's 10am and we've ALREADY had a row with MIL/turkey is too small/kids don't like their presents/SIL is being a bitch' threads.

Me too! I read them as I pour another glass of wine and get ready to crack open a new book or settle down in front of Netflix

Things are rather difficult, family wise and I don't want to be invited to further-flung relatives out of pity. So I'm prepared to do Christmas on my own but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I think the reminder of how things have deteriorated might be hard to deal with.