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MNers without children

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Does anyone else not have a huge family to celebrate Christmas with .

135 replies

hattie43 · 17/08/2023 10:02

I'm starting to see more and more
' chatter ' about Christmas events and planning the day in the media and online and it all assumes everyone has a huge family and lots of people coming around .
Does anyone else feel a pang of regret about having small / no family left or a twinge of envy of those with lots of big busy family Christmases .
This year it seems I'll only have one elderly relative left on the day and it seems tragic and not sure what we can do to have a nice day . I have a lot of events with friends during the month but they all have extended family and I'll be left with one elderly parent .
Maybe I'm being ungrateful and there will those who will be totally alone on the day and I wondered what they do . Perhaps they treat it like any other day .
I am not enjoying seeing the decline in family as I have no children and the oldies are dying off .

OP posts:
KievLoverTwo · 04/09/2023 02:02

Mum died a few years ago. Xmas before usually consisted of her, stepdad and their very annoying friends who seemed to think monopolising all their time whilst sat on their arses watching mum do all the work was fine. Whenever they visited. At least three times a week when I stayed.

Far too many Christmases spent watching them and stepdad expecting me and mum to work our fingers to the bone til we dropped.

Now that she's gone I no longer have to be fuming at my awful stepdad or those people all day. Adult children, the lot of them.

Our oven has started to go on the blink and we don't want to buy yet another one in this rental, so I think we might take ourselves off to a fancy hotel for Xmas. Our last oven went on the blink just before Xmas, and whilst I cooked (for 18 hours iirc), it took up the entirety of Xmas eve and the food wasn't worth the effort for the two of us. Standing is hard for me so I was broken all of Xmas day.

Failing that: bed picnic. Smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with bubbles for bfast, cold meats, cheeses, pate, shove in the oven baguettes and enough olives to make us turn green. Whatever the cheesiest thing is on telly. Or maybe we'll rewatch the Hunger Games Trilogy. Perhaps a game of monopoly if we are feeling particularly racy.

But, for the most part, doing as little as possible. And - not in bloody France!

I hope you manage to have a nice time with your relative OP. If it's getting stale and making you a bit sad, perhaps introduce something new to the day? Going out to eat, a new board game, finding an amusing silly topic on YouTube that makes you both giggle for a while.

sashh · 04/09/2023 05:48

I actually ignore it, other than buying mince pies, love a mince pie.

I send two presents via amazon and watch the world go slightly insane, and then I come on here for the threads someone else mentioned.

@KievLoverTwo my local carvery does take out including Xmas day if you want a roast there might be one near you.

lollipoprainbow · 04/09/2023 07:10

Yes, it's just me and my dd. We've had family losses over the last few years and so our mad busy Christmasses are a distant memory. I feel terribly guilty that I can't give her a big family Christmas.

JaiynDough · 04/09/2023 07:17

It's just me and my dh because of where we live.
Due dates for 4 were around Christmas week.
I can't be arsed with Christmas anymore.
My dh isn't that fussed either.
We put a tree up, last few years we've ended up cooking and eating the dinnner separately over a few days as we didn't want such a big meal really.
It's just another day really now.

Poivresel · 04/09/2023 08:34

@VeridicalVagabond you're The Larkins aren't you?

KievLoverTwo · 04/09/2023 12:22

sashh · 04/09/2023 05:48

I actually ignore it, other than buying mince pies, love a mince pie.

I send two presents via amazon and watch the world go slightly insane, and then I come on here for the threads someone else mentioned.

@KievLoverTwo my local carvery does take out including Xmas day if you want a roast there might be one near you.

That's a good tip off, thanks.

hattie43 · 04/09/2023 12:25

Thankyou so much for your thoughts and experiences everyone . I've been reflecting and I think part of the problem is seeing the ' big happy family ' Christmas days on telly etc whereas in reality a lot of people don't have this . I'm going to focus on having a different Christmas in preparation so this year we are going out for a slap up meal Christmas Eve and then a relaxed piccy food day on the day . Next year we may look into a cruise to do something really different .
It's my mindset that needs to change I think .

OP posts:
Squirrelsnut · 04/09/2023 12:35

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/08/2023 10:25

I do feel a little bit envious of others with their busy schedules and lots of hustle and bustle at that time but I remind myself that the fantasy and the reality do not always match

I look at the supermarket ads with the tables groaning with food and all the magazine articles about prepping and what to eat for the various days when the rellies turn up and the drinks parties for neighbours and the things to take the kids over the Xmas break and think, Charles Dickens, you have a HELL of a lot to answer for.

😆

JorisBonson · 04/09/2023 12:36

@hattie43 a cruise is a great idea! I really wanted to go away this Christmas but I have a small, furry person who meows and needs daily meditation. House sitters are difficult to find at xmas.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/09/2023 12:40

I've been reflecting and I think part of the problem is seeing the ' big happy family '

When that comes on the telly sit there and chant to yourself 'it's advertising to sell me stuff, it's not real, it's not real, it's not real.'

CyanCrystalViolet · 04/09/2023 13:44

I’m often on my own for Christmas as my friends spend it with their families, and even when I’ve had offers to join there’s no way I’d want to be the pitiful guest on the spare stool.

I don’t mind being on my own for it but it would be nice to feel like I belonged somewhere, even though I’d probably hate it after five minutes and want to retreat to my cave. This year I’ll probably take myself for a bit of a hike somewhere (depending on weather) and then come back to nap, eat nice food, drink beer and read a book.

My current place of work closes over Christmas and New Year, but the next job I’m looking to go for will be operational over this period so I’ll volunteer to work it and hopefully get a nice bonus for doing so.

ladeluge · 04/09/2023 18:02

Christmas is overrated completely. The ads and hype are designed to make us feel we should all have happy family gatherings around a roaring fire all smiles and full of cosy joy.

The reality rarely lives up to the hype, and if people are honest about it it is a complete waste of money, energy and real joy. It's manufactured and it's hard work, families can bicker when they are out of their comfort zones for days on end if traveling to visit family. I could go on but I am a bit of a cynic so I ignore most of it and head off abroad around 20th December and come back mid January or later.

Never regretted doing that and never will. I say this as a member of a close caring family but they all have their own nuclear families now and being the childless Singleton I feel I don't fit in anymore even though I am invited to whichever house is hosting. They understand and I often think they are a teeny bit envious when I head off out of the madness.

Lottapianos · 04/09/2023 18:17

'Christmas is overrated completely. The ads and hype are designed to make us feel we should all have happy family gatherings around a roaring fire all smiles and full of cosy joy.

The reality rarely lives up to the hype, and if people are honest about it it is a complete waste of money, energy and real joy'

Have a big high five from me 😁 I think it's the most overrated thing ever. Insane amounts of hype every flaming year. I know some people genuinely enjoy it but I really can't be doing with it (apart from mince pies and Christmas cake, I'll have all of them 😉)

muddyford · 18/10/2023 21:09

Just me and DH for Christmas, plus my gorgeous dogs. Apart from a couple of occasions it's been like that since we married. I wonder how many families really have the sort of Christmas portrayed in the adverts. Growing up we used to, but none of us do now.

LaurieStrode · 19/10/2023 02:18

CyanCrystalViolet · 04/09/2023 13:44

I’m often on my own for Christmas as my friends spend it with their families, and even when I’ve had offers to join there’s no way I’d want to be the pitiful guest on the spare stool.

I don’t mind being on my own for it but it would be nice to feel like I belonged somewhere, even though I’d probably hate it after five minutes and want to retreat to my cave. This year I’ll probably take myself for a bit of a hike somewhere (depending on weather) and then come back to nap, eat nice food, drink beer and read a book.

My current place of work closes over Christmas and New Year, but the next job I’m looking to go for will be operational over this period so I’ll volunteer to work it and hopefully get a nice bonus for doing so.

I've had solo Christmas a few times.

Lots of classic Christmas movies, a fire, Chambord, champagne, some food treats, etc, are not too hard to take.

One thing i do is order a few things such as used books, pampering/spa products, jewelry, craft supplies, candles, etc in the months before Christmas. I set the parcels aside unopened. Usually i forget what's in them, so it's like opening a little pile of surprise gifts on the day.

Theoldwoman · 19/10/2023 03:38

I don’t.
And I love it.
Just the 4 of us but only 3 this year because DH is away working.
Sometimes an extra (DD boyfriend)

We will no doubt hit the beach with the pooch.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 19/10/2023 03:52

Since emigrating its just the three of us ( me, husband, son) and I don't mind a bit, I love it! We go down to the beach with some friends in the morning, cold champagne and croissants and take the obligatory Santa hat photo for the folks back home. Then we spend the afternoon chilling by the pool drinking cocktails and eating all the food. We did attempt a turkey one year but it was 40 degrees so not really roast eating weather! Then we skype our folks back home and probably fall asleep in front of a movie. Apart from missing my mum, I find it much more enjoyable than sitting in an over heated house full of rellies. And I'm a bit of an introvert so the thought of hoards of relatives around leaves me stone cold I'm afraid.

decionsdecisions62 · 19/10/2023 03:56

Christmas Day should be relaxing and comfortable therefore me, dh, two daughters (18,23) and one boyfriend of dd. Small and just how I like it.

EnoughIsay · 19/10/2023 04:21

I feel like Christmas is amped up now. When younger, we would visit relaties, go to a church service, have a present or two. It was relaxed and the main focus was food - naice tins of things!

Now it just seems crazy with pre Xmas boxes, special this and that, events, days out, insane amounts of money spent on crap and "making bloody memories" etc.

I have dialed it right back now that the dcs are teens - back to the style of my youth and we love it. Very low key, nice seasonal food, small tree, candles.

Rowgtfc72 · 19/10/2023 04:41

Christmas is me, dh and 16 yr old dd. We open presents and have pizza for dinner. I only get one day off work so for the past 9 years since my dad died its been a bit of a non event for us. In laws may visit briefly on the way to their parents. My only relative, my brother, lives in London and we'll catch up a few weeks before.

LeaderBee · 19/10/2023 10:01

Chances are that I will be spending Christmas on my own again this year.
Since my mum passed away my Stepdad will probably go back down to Essex to be with his children, my brother lives in Aberdeen and I screwed things up with my ex 4-5ish years ago now so my house will be empty, won't even put up a tree or decorations.

Christmas is just another day to me now.

Levriers · 09/11/2023 08:52

I will be on my own. Have been for a few years since mum died. No siblings. I have had a couple of invites from friends. I have a dog though & one set of friends aren’t dog people & although they very very kindly say I could bring him, it’s quite stressful having a dog in a non dog household ( looking for stray chocolates / fruit cake etc). The other set do have dogs but tbh I’d rather not have to get in the car & drive somewhere, so we shall do a nice dog walk & then eat food that I will have got in & relax !

KimberleyClark · 09/11/2023 11:13

I don’t have a HUGE immediate family, DH and I have no surviving parents, DH is an only and I have one sibling who has a partner and one child, and that’s it. I do feel a bit wistful when I see “big family Christmas”.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 09/11/2023 21:54

When I was single I had a couple of Christmases on my own (my choice). For one of them friends invited me and another friend round for tea. After I'd stuffed myself with lunch, I went round only to discover "tea" meant full-on Christmas Dinner. I had assumed a couple of mince pies and a cuppa. It was pure Vicar of Dibley!

decionsdecisions62 · 10/11/2023 05:22

Sounds lovely @Levriers the kind of Christmas I'm dreaming about this year.

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