Does anyone else not have a huge family to celebrate Christmas with .

[hattie43]

I'm starting to see more and more
' chatter ' about Christmas events and planning the day in the media and online and it all assumes everyone has a huge family and lots of people coming around .
Does anyone else feel a pang of regret about having small / no family left or a twinge of envy of those with lots of big busy family Christmases .
This year it seems I'll only have one elderly relative left on the day and it seems tragic and not sure what we can do to have a nice day . I have a lot of events with friends during the month but they all have extended family and I'll be left with one elderly parent .
Maybe I'm being ungrateful and there will those who will be totally alone on the day and I wondered what they do . Perhaps they treat it like any other day .
I am not enjoying seeing the decline in family as I have no children and the oldies are dying off .

No - will just be me and my husband. My parents are too old to travel to spend it with us, and I can never get enough time off work to travel to them.

Even when I was a child, it was only my sister and I, parents and one set of grandparents. I've never had one of those huge Christmases with cousins and aunties and family friends and so on.

My (childless) sister has 'partnered into' that kind of Christmas and usually has a migraine by the end of the day. Her DP has young grandchildren and step-grandchildren and they are an 'all about the kiddies' sort of clan 🤔

We'll just be the two of us this year, only the second time ever in our relationship thanks to shift work / MIL 😂

We only ever had small Christmases when I was growing up too so I'm haply that way.

I love a quiet Christmas, we have an only DC so never had a 'big child centred Christmas' thank goodness no cousins his own age (that we are in contact with ), so even if family were invited it was elderly DGPs and the occasional single relative ... we had plenty of fun, board games, cards, nice food, Church ... no competitive present giving. Just how I like it ... but I would be perfectly happy on my own, I was one year as DH and DS went skiing (with my blessing - I loathe skiing) ... had a lovely time on my own.

Christmas is not a big thing in our house. We are childfree by choice, non-materialistic atheists from small families, so it’s all pretty low key and we just don’t bother with a lot of things. We don’t have a tree, or put up decorations or entertain / host or have a Turkey.

Both of us usually only take the bank holidays off, so it’s back to work between Boxing Day & New year. In a perfect world, we would go away on holiday to somewhere warm on 23 Dec & come back after New year, but that would upset my elderly parents, so it’s not an option.

We do give presents to our immediate families & visit our parents on Christmas Day, and eat too much chocolate & mince pies & drink too much like everyone else then on Boxing Day we usually go to the Rugby, football or horse racing, whatever is on.

I have a large family but they all go into nuclear family mode at Christmas and tend to spend it together exclusively. We don't have children and it's my one sadness that I never got to do a child's Christmas.

I've had some great Christmases over the years but I'm very bored of naice tasteful adult ones now.

We've been invited to DH's brother but it be five of us including 92 yo MIL who we had last year.

So it will probably just be me and DH. We might go away for "twixtmas". Maybe we'll go to the pub for Christmas lunch. Feeling very flat about the day itself but looking forward to the build up.

So it's just the 2 of us and it'll be fine. If I was down to 1 I'd go on holiday.

I do this, somewhere that Christmas doesn't happen or gets really downplayed. It's a big relief to escape the whole thing and all its obligations. I have a good reason to say "no thanks" to all of the very kindly meant invitations (rather than "I'm staying at home with a big lasagne"). And in my job I have a chunk of time off then which it's really good to use doing something I like!

I’ve been away a couple of times to Nepal over Christmas. Trekking in the Himalayas isn’t for everyone, I admit, but it is as far away from the pressure of spending it with people (who are sadly no longer here in my case) as it’s possible to be. It’s a shame it’s long haul and therefore expensive as I’d do it every single year if I could.

I had one on my own. DC was with his dad and I was supposed to be going to family but couldn't in the end.

I sat on the floor with a jigsaw I'd bought myself, a ridiculous amount of cheese and a few bottles of beer. It wasn't as bad as I expected 😅

I’ll be on my own this Christmas for the first time and I’m really looking forward to it. I plan to cook my favourite food, have some wine, watch my favourite movie and just chill. Nobody other than myself to look after.

I'm an only child and we always had small Christmas Day celebrations, and I've never liked the idea of lots of people around.

My last parent died this year, and while I imagine some people will offer their hospitality I will be perfectly happy to spend the day alone at home.

I'm from a very small family so Christmases have always been pretty quiet. Now it's just me and DP and that's fine. I couldn't cope with a crowd of people!

I do this, somewhere that Christmas doesn't happen or gets really downplayed

Ha, ex and I had this idea one year and went to Tunisia. The hotel had a Xmas dinner, carol singing competition between the different nationalities at the hotel and a crib (with a real camel - highlight of the trip).

I would definitely spend it with the elderly relative if it meant they’d be alone otherwise?

There’s so much more to Xmas than large groups of people. I’m from a large family and spend Xmas day, Boxing Day and at least two other days between Xmas and NY with them. But my favourite day is Xmas Eve just me and my husband. We just have a nice walk with a flask of hot coffee, followed by a cosy candle lit Xmas movie day with loads of nice food, and plenty of baileys.

Christmas hasn't meant anything positive to me since I was a child.

From when I was nine or so my father had left, my sister moved out, and I daresay my pisshead brother spent the day with his pisshead mates, so it was just my mother and me, which was fine. We'd stopped bothering about Christmas by the time I was in my twenties, apart from having a roast chicken and Christmas pudding for dinner, weather permitting (summer here). We didn't bother with decorations, because we had cats who'd probably pull them down, so a wreath on the front door was enough. We don't own any Christmas decorations now - they were sacrificed in the first of two massive downsizing moves interstate.

These days we live in a retirement village that does a Christmas in July thing and it makes me cringe seeing all the silly hats and kiddyish decorations, and I make sure I'm out, so I don't have to hear their so-called entertainer.

You have 69 people and 13 dogs on Christmas Day?...

More actually, I missed the aunts and uncles partners. It's been in excess of 100 some years with friends being brought along, boyfriends and girlfriends, stragglers and strays.

Like I said, huge family, huge family Christmas. It's the only time both sides all get together.

Me too Op. my parents and most of my Aunts and Uncles have passed on. My cousins live on the other the side of the country. Neither my brother or my DS's family enjoy big Christmases so don't want to do stuff. So now it's just me, DH and DS. This is a complete contrast to when I was a kid when my Mum and Aunty brought all the extended family together and we'd have 15 people in the living room. Christmas with just a couple of people just feels utterly weird to me. Especially as DH thinks it's all a bit of a fuss over nothing.

Things that have helped over the years:

Having some Christmassy traditions to do with friends in the run up. Eg an annual trip to a Christmas market, going to a Carol concert or going out for a Christmas lunch somewhere.

Volunteering. Our village does a Christmas food drive for our local foodbank and I have collected/sorted/delivered donations before.

Having a nice activity to do on Cmas day. I like to buy myself a craft kit to start after Christmas lunch.

Having a nice walk on Christmas morning, weather permitting. We live in semi-rural location and always have a country walk and stop for a drink in the pub on the way back. Exercise helps the mood and it breaks up the day.

Having something nice to look forward to in the days after Christmas or in New Year - having friends round for dinner, going to a gig, a theatre trip etc.

I'm more thinking of the logistics? How do you sit and eat a meal in your house with excess of 100 people?

We have a pretty big house. The maximum we could comfortably cook for and seat is twenty.

We don't have seats for 100 people. Where does everyone sit? Do you keep 100 chairs stored elsewhere all year round? I'm intrigued!

Over the years our Christmasses have ebbed and flowed with family changes, marriages, divorces, additions and sadly people passing on.
We try and see as many grandchildren as possible on the day and have had Xmas dinners at our home, at DC's homes, not had Xmas Dinners and had Boxing Day feasts with games. It is all very fluid and mindful of the fact that DC's have inlaws to accommodate or incorporate into their plans. Much as I used to love big family get togethers as a child along with hangers on who had no-one to be with - this is often not practical nowadays but I do occasionally feel cross when some of the family insist that certain things have to be done a certain way and will not shift in their mindset. They are of course entitled to do so but isn't this the instigator of many a family row at Christmas time?
I can remember a Christmas some 19 years ago when our DSD had our first GD and she was run ragged trying to see all the family, we had already had several phone calls from DH ex-wife wanting to know if DSD had shown up yet because they were still waiting!! When they did finally arrive, DSD was nearly in tears after being chased by her Mum to get a move on as Nanna was waiting for her resulting in them not stopping long at ours because of the stress. Most people know that visits on Xmas day invariably over run because of present opening, having a drink or a just coffee will spill over into the next event. I said to DSD you won't do that again next year will you? She never has - GD is 19 now and they still stop home in the morning until they move onto whatever plans have been made.
As for DH and I, we just enjoy the season and it is a season - not just one day into which everything has to be crammed - welcome people when they come and enjoy it for as little or as long as it lasts whether it is Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Boxing Day or the weekend before or after. It is a time for family and friends - if wanted - but we can quite happily chill at home with lots of treats and enjoy the peace and quiet until the GC's show up and wreck the house - a usual state of affairs as we child mind and look after GCs after school.

I have zero family, and it's f*ing fantastic, especially in December. Just the two of us and we pretty much ignore Xmas - v quiet at home, or we go away on a short trip in a lovely European city. If I were single I would definitely make sure I travelled solo at the end of December and just ignored the whole load of nonsense.
You can't have family rows if the folk aren't there to row with!

This.

Also order a few things from Amazon, Etsy or wherever you like; makeup, spa products, jewelry, crafts supplies, whatever, and don't open the packaging.

If you're like me you'll forget what's in there and have a few surprise treats to open.

I have no kids but I am married and we like to take time off at Christmas to just hole up at home lots of nice food, movies, games jigsaws, reading, walks if the weather permits. We might do the cinema, panto or ballet if anything appeals. At the moment wider family are around and so we spend Christmas Day partly with his parents and then with mine so although it is nice its also nice when it is over and we get so chill out at home. In the future when they are no longer with us we will probably just cook at home perhaps have other single / childfree family or friends round or we might try going away. It really is what you make of it. We never really had big christmases like you see in the adverts as children they were usually just us at home with our parents, gifts, dinner and tv and that is kind of how I like it!

At Christmas the whole fantasy of a big happy family enjoying the chaos of the day can look appealing but the reality can be far from it and even if it were not everyone likes the same things so not everyone likes having masses of people over or big parties.

For the bigger ones we usually rent a venue, it was a hotel the year we had 100+. Think work Christmas party vibe but infinitely more chaos.

This year it's at my childhood home - big old farmhouse owned by grandparents, parents live there too. I grew up there and there was rarely less than 25 people in the house at any given time so it's built for a crowd. Folding tables and chairs are kept in one of the outbuildings, main meal is eaten in the barn from those which gets emptied and decked out (and heated!!) and is very festive. Crockery, cutlery, place settings, table dressing etc is all rented. Most people stay in the barn and drink and socialise and dance after dinner, grandad always sets up a bar and we take it in turns playing mixologist, heated gazebos outside for people wanting a smoke or some quiet. Kids often go back in to watch a Christmas movie or play on the playstation or something. If the weather's nice enough the traditional Post-Dinner walk happens.

Some years it's catered, some years everyone chips in bringing food. The house has two kitchens so it's just possible to cook enough for everyone if you time everything perfectly.

There's three caravans on the land for workers, these get cleaned and used for extra sleeping space (and cooking space in a pinch), most of the kids do a "Christmas sleepover" in the loft above the stables which my dad does up every year like a giant blanket fort. Couple of my aunties and uncles bring camper vans, everyone else squeezes into the house on beds, sofas, camping cots, blow up mattresses, whatever they can find. Dogs all stay in the kennel outbuilding except my sister's very precious sausage dog who sleeps with her!

It's a squeeze, it's chaos, it's expensive, it's absolutely exhausting, and it takes a month to clean up after, so I definitely envy people their quiet family Christmases sometimes!

Ha! This sounds so much hard work, but fantastic!

My DH and I have our own traditions. Big Christmases aren’t really for us.

we love film, so we centre a lot around Christmas movie nights and good grub. We stay up late and sleep in late.

It’s ok to feel sad that y out don’t have a big Christmas, but I can’t help but think that my much loved tv and film make us think that if we don’t have a chaotic/child centred/ big family Christmas, that some how we are missing out. Give me some quiet time any day.