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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I am so happy not having kids

282 replies

ForestGoblin · 08/08/2023 10:13

Had an existential wobble but now I'm of an age where the window is closing I'm feeling real alignments with this life.

No life is perfect but I really feel it's a blessing to have had this choice. Thank GOD for living now, when we can really live as our authentic selves.

High five to everyone who is living the old Polonius lifestyle, whatever that looks like for them.

OP posts:
Brilliantefforts · 10/08/2023 12:41

'I think it’s great to be glad you’re childfree but labelling children a burden seems unfair. Children aren’t a burden, like the elderly, disabled etc aren’t a burden. They’re an important part of society.'

This ^

IMO it's fine to feel they're a burden to you personally, but not to make sweeping generalisations saying they're a burden for everyone.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 12:44

Tenohone · 08/08/2023 10:17

I'm very, very grateful to have been born in this time and place and in these circumstances where I haven't had to have children.

My sentiments exactly.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 12:45

ChurlishGreen · 10/08/2023 12:33

That was Cyril Connolly being misogynistic, actually. Babies (forced upon the unwilling male artist by women) being the enemy of male artistic productivity. He wasn’t thinking of unsung women artists bogged down in nappies.

I haven’t found it so, personally. I was contentedly childfree till just before turning 40, when I had my son. I wrote my first novel on maternity leave, and in fact I’ve been more productive since having DS (now 11) than beforehand. As have quite a number of writer/artist friends, actually. Maternity leave was a refreshing step out of the work world for me, and made me think about what I actually wanted in life, and gave me the push I needed to prioritise my writing, get an agent etc.

Not having a child with an asshole, if you have a child, is key, obviously.

I was happily childfree for far longer than I’ve been a parent, and respect and get why women choose not to have children, but it hasn’t been my experience that it’s had a negative impact in terms of my creativity. Paid for childcare crystallises things!

One of my novelist friends did refer to her kids’ pushchair as ‘the Enemy’, though. Grin

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I really really don't care about your experience of having children. This is the childfree thread.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 10/08/2023 12:46

It's great that PPs feel so happy and confident with their decision, but can I put a word in for the fence-sitters? It took me many years to realise I didn't want kids at all: for a long time, I thought I just didn't want them now.

I used to feel really alone, because everyone else was either a parent/wannabe parent or evangelically child-free. Part of the reason that it took me so long to realise I was happy being child-free is that I wasn't as definite about the decision as other CF people - I could see pros and cons either way. I still think I could have been happy as a parent, just not as happy as I am being CF.

So, I would say to anyone else out there battling with this decision - it's OK to feel conflicted and it doesn't mean you are wrong. Trust your instincts and don't let society constantly FOMO you about parenthood.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 12:48

wherethewaterisdarker · 10/08/2023 12:06

I completely endorse the sentiment on this thread of celebrating child free life, but the overtly anti-children comments upset me. It’s not ok to make hateful statements about children, in the same way it’s not ok to make hateful statements about any vulnerable group in society. It’s completely normalised and of course they can’t fight back, but it’s morally wrong. Had to say that!

Then this is not the thread for you. We don't need to be policed.

HundredMilesAnHour · 10/08/2023 12:56

Florissante · 10/08/2023 12:48

Then this is not the thread for you. We don't need to be policed.

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Completely agree with @Florissante, well said!

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 10/08/2023 12:56

I think it's good to say aloud until the assumption that women without children must be sad is dead. I think a LOT of people have children because they think it's the key to happiness because few people ever say "having children is not for me". How many women must have a child because they're scared to trust themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForestGoblin · 10/08/2023 12:58

Regarding burdens... Obviously anyone who stops you living your life freely is a burden. No point denying that. For some, there is beauty in accepting the burden.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 12:59

Brilliantefforts · 10/08/2023 12:23

People don't justify having children afterall. Op and everyone on these this thread you don't need to.

society generally does not call on parents to justify having children. not the case with the childfree.

Remembermynamealways · 10/08/2023 13:02

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JamSandle · 10/08/2023 13:02

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It's the childfree section.

Baldieheid · 10/08/2023 13:03

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Why don't you check out what section it's posted in? Might clarify things for you.

ladeluge · 10/08/2023 13:03

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 12:59

society generally does not call on parents to justify having children. not the case with the childfree.

Show quote history

Fewer children and population control is a key element in the climate change debate. Us child free folk are doing our bit in that regard.

I really do believe that the reason the child free can be called upon to justify their decision is envy on the part of those who have a huge child "burden" in their lives, with no escape possible.

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 13:04

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Erm, in case you hadn't noticed this is the childfree part, set up with the agreement and support of MNHQ.

Remembermynamealways · 10/08/2023 13:05

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Original poster
ForestGoblin · 10/08/2023 13:05

I'm not justifying it. Just sharing my feelings .Solidarity with all the childfree by choice and those not originally by choice but now looking forward to all the great things life has to offer on this path.

OP posts:
AnnaTortoiseshell · 10/08/2023 13:05

There are some really nasty comments on here about children. They are human beings. There is no other subgroup of human that could be called ghastly, shrieking, burdens in this way, and the comments not be deleted for breaking talk guidelines.

I’m very glad we live in a time where women don’t have to have children. Choice for women is a good thing. Children not being born to parents who don’t want them is a good thing. But I never see a real response to this issue. Why is it supposedly okay to speak about children in a way you’d never talk about another group of people?

Original poster
ForestGoblin · 10/08/2023 13:06

Children do share some common features that I think it's pretty rational to dislike.

OP posts:
Remembermynamealways · 10/08/2023 13:07

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Remembermynamealways · 10/08/2023 13:07

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Bananaramad · 10/08/2023 13:08

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That's nice 🙄

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:09

'So, I would say to anyone else out there battling with this decision - it's OK to feel conflicted and it doesn't mean you are wrong. Trust your instincts and don't let society constantly FOMO you about parenthood.'

Very well said

Baldieheid · 10/08/2023 13:09

Sorry but I would totally have found a child a burden. 100% a burden. I have no doubt that I would have loved them, and absolutely no doubt that my inadequacies would have led me to be a terrible mother who resented giving birth and whose child KNEW they were, indeed, a burden.

My self awareness has relieved a burden from both me and the fictional child.

Not a burden....snort.

ladeluge · 10/08/2023 13:10

Each to their own.

But no one will convince me that all children are delightful creatures, nor will they convince me to have any either.

Good on those whose children bring joy to their lives. Not having them brings joy to mine!

EmpressaurusOfCats · 10/08/2023 13:11

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If this was a goady thread it would be in AIBU or Chat. If it was a troll thread it would be somewhere in Parenting.