Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

[derekdied]

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

Thats awful, I’m sorry.

I had similar when I was under investigation for uterine cancer in my early 30s (negative, thankfully, but I had to have the radical hysterectomy anyway to be on the safe side). There was a very evident split in terms of the sympathy offered to mums on the ward versus those without kids, and it was pretty much the first thing we were asked by the nurses when we arrived.

I mean, as if grappling with having a hysterectomy and losing your fertility isn't enough - you have to be reminded, in that moment, that the very fact that you're without kids makes you lesser.

Really sorry to hear your experiences.

@fitzwilliamdarcy Thought you would be interested in this thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5035670-motherhood-is-a-trap-marriage-is-a-bad-deal-feminist-corinne-maier-on-learning-to-be-selfish?page=1

Like everything, it depends I think.

If the article is about how women should be less martyristic in service of their kids then I don’t really have an interest other than that it needs to not go too far and end up with kids having their emotional needs not met because mum’s mental health takes priority (as I grew up).

if it’s about how women should be praised for making ‘selfish’ choices like not having kids if they don’t want them, then great, I wholly echo that.

I think it’s the former and so I haven’t really looked beyond p1. It already has a few “mothering is sacred and should be recognised as such” comments (which are obnoxious), and discussions of how to promote motherhood via feminism (which doesn’t interest me).

What did you think of it?

@fitzwilliamdarcy I thought the same as you. How is the job hunting going?

Thanks for asking! Not well - salary is really important as I’m single. Haven’t found the right role yet but I’m still looking.

Good luck There is plenty of time till Christmas

A couple of comments, not directed at me, but made by my sibling (who has kids) about relatives who didn't have children:

Relative who died in his early 40s: 'At least he didn't have children'

Relative who has form for sulking/having tantrums about minor inconveniences: 'He might be like that because he never had children so he's never had to make any sacrifices.'

I love my sibling and honestly think both of these comments were made completely innocently, which almost makes it worse. As a childfree woman, they've really stuck with me.

I ventured onto X a few days ago, to check up on what's happening locally, and it was about the same time that Penny Mordaunt was being touted as a takeover for PM. There were several comments along the lines of 'well she doesn't have children, she wouldn't care about protecting them, would she?' and I'm glad to say that at least one of those comments felt the full force of my wrath.

Absolutely. Rishi's a parent and you can really tell that he cares about kids. Oh wait.

Fastest rise in UK child poverty for 30 years, data shows (ft.com)

And not get your AL requests if they are in school holidays because you don’t ‘need’ them then…

Out of masochistic curiosity I decided to read the other four pages. Incredible how quick it went from “policies that support mothers support all women!” to “oh a childless woman was adversely affected by a family friendly work culture? Oh well, that would’ve happened to a man too.”

So transparent.

Uh oh. I looked at that thread. Got pissed off. Lobbed a hand grenade into it and ran away and hiding the whole damn thing because it is giving me the rage.

You are so so unreasonable @fitzwilliamdarcy and @JenniferBooth 😘😘

That thread gave me the rage too. And I was a bit gobsmacked by

Motherhood should be valued because it is ultimately what stands between freedom and a totalitarian state.

I’m trying really hard not to invoke Godwin’s Law on that thread.

And “mother-centred feminism”? WTAF?

Like mentioning Kinder Kuche Kirche?

That can only have been said by someone who doesn't know much of the history of totalitarian states. Not just the Third Reich.

I was thinking of China, as well. I'm sure all those goosestepping troops in the army have or had mothers. And there's the Mother Heroine award in the Soviet Union, presumably for providing more cannon fodder for the Motherland; which in itself is an interesting name to give a country.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MotherHeroine

Agree, but there’s an outside chance that the poster may have heard of the Third Reich 😉

What does that even mean? It’s just some words trying to make a profound point and failing. That thread descended into predictable “motherhood is the centre of all womanhood” tosh.

As a childfree by choice woman I actually would happily live in a Scandi-style system and pay more tax for decent public services including free childcare because it gives women choices - but apparently my views don’t count because my personality doesn’t emanate from my womb. Then there’s the cohort on here who think childcare and contraception are bad for women and actually favour policies reducing choice for women, and think working/having ambition/not wanting a caring role are “male” traits. I find it astonishing that people exist in 2024 who still believe work is a man’s domain and optional for women and wanting an identity outside of motherhood is “trying to achieve equality by acting like a man”, despite the fact many mothers also want those things!

Phew, that was a rant. But some people really need to lay off reading crackpots like Mary Harrington.

I’m pretty sure Hungary - quite totalitarian - is actually very pro motherhood and policies exist (or are being proposed to pay women to have kids). But that would probably be fine with some people on here!

I think the point around totalitarian states was that if women don't willingly have enough babies, then the state will try to force them to do so. Which, to be fair, is what's happening in America with the row-back on enshrined reproductive freedoms.

It's very clumsily-worded and because it came after "but mothers are more important than other women", I wasn't very inclined to give the poster good faith, but now that I've calmed down I think that was the point.

I was so disappointed that that was who Mary Harrington turned out to be. Until she showed those colours I thought she had some very good points about the overreach of capitalism, and how unhealthy that is for all of us.

I’m childless as not a maternal kind. Never liked being near babies or toddlers of my friends’ siblings and my own relatives.

Had some awful comments about this. Even my ex MIL gave me an ovulation test kit on the last Christmas I was with her son. She was so desperate for her son and myself to have a baby. Probably because ex’s brother had 2 children of his own and two step children. Move forward 15 years after the split - ex is childless and brother has had three more children with another OH.

Other people shouldn’t dictate what others should have children or not. Or raise questions about it

Had strangers asking me why am I childless? What gives them that impression? Not all mothers have their children with them all the time. Work, school, social life etc.

Dafuq? Have they not heard of Decree 770?