Childfree and purposefully live alone?

EightyfirstCat · 2023-07-08T07:43:18+00:00

I'm about to buy my own home after a couple of long term relationships that ended, leaving me homeless. Approaching 40 years old, this feels like a major milestone! The idea of living with a partner again feels extremely unappealing. I've lived alone in a rented flat for almost 3 years and I've loved every minute of it. Can anyone else relate? There's something so gorgeous about peace, quiet, doing everything at my own pace, arranging things exactly as I like them, no disruptions or distractions. It feels like it's coming from a very similar place for my intention to be childfree. I wonder if anyone else has a similar desire for peace & simplicity which translates into living alone? (I have a partner but we live separately and will continue to do so as he also likes living alone!).

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/07/2023 09:01

I have lived alone since my divorce (aeons ago). I LOVE living alone for too many reasons to enumerate. Peace, quiet, my flat how I want it (ex was a bit 'well I'm buying it it's going to be what I say') my own bed, the food I want, my music, my TV, no bloody sport...NGL, I've had wobbles, who doesn't, whatever their choices. But it's 99.9% idyllic. Never ever going to live with anyone ever again.

Have a search on here, there are a few threads lately talking about the joys of living alone/being single (I appreciate you're not but there are people in the same boat as you on some of the threads).

CyanCrystalViolet · 08/07/2023 09:50

Congratulations! May you be very happy in yo ur new home. I live alone and have done for years. I like my own space, even if it’s a struggle financially at times. Due to past experience I would not consider living with a man again unless we’d been together a very long time.

TrundleWheel76 · 08/07/2023 09:56

I can relate to this too!

I live with my OH now and am very happy, but I was single and lived alone very contentedly until my late 30s.

My little flat was peaceful, all mine, and decorated and set up how I wanted it. It was a happy period of my life that I look back to fondly despite being happy now with my OH.

Fireyflies · 08/07/2023 10:10

I've never lived alone and most of my life has been with a large and chaotic family with kids and stepkids and have to say your description of the joys of living alone is what I fantasize about! Just had yet another "discussion" with DH about the bloody giant buddleia plant that he loves and I don't....
I'll probably outlive DH so I guess I'll find out one day whether I do enjoy it in reality. But nice to hear that plenty people do.

Keykat · 08/07/2023 11:56

Another lone living child free woman here.

I wouldn't even contemplate living with someone now. The bliss of doing my own thing when and where I want is beyond compare. I also have a partner of many years who lives nearby and there is no way we will live in the same house full time. We just like our freedom and independence. It works. Just like Charles and Camilla!

Catsmere · 08/07/2023 12:56

Bravo on getting your own home, OP!

I would definitely live alone if circumstances permitted. My mother and I could never afford to rent separately, even when we were both working. She retired nearly 30 years ago and now I am her carer, living on a pension. When she passes away or has to go into care I will be living alone (well, with my cats) and, if I have enough money, that will suit me fine.

JamSandle · 08/07/2023 12:59

This is so heartwarming and lovely.

QueenBitch666 · 08/07/2023 14:20

Child free and lived alone for around 30 years, both by choice. It's absolute bliss 🥰

Original poster

EightyfirstCat · 08/07/2023 16:05

Thanks for all the replies. It's good to know there are others out there!

I feel like living alone is a wonderful secret that more women should know about. I certainly wish it had been more normalised when I was growing up. It's so weird that culture/society suggests it's the most undesirable thing ever. To me, it's pure freedom and bliss. The only downside is that it's more expensive to live alone, but I agree with a PP who implied that it's worth the struggle. I do wonder if it's because I grew up in a large, noisy family, where I could never just be by myself. Even when I was living with past partners I always had this little fantasy of one day escaping and living in my own little cottage somewhere, so I think it must have always been there...

OP posts:

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/07/2023 16:12

I feel like living alone is a wonderful secret that more women should know about. I certainly wish it had been more normalised when I was growing up. It's so weird that culture/society suggests it's the most undesirable thing ever. To me, it's pure freedom and bliss

This is so lovely. It sums up my feelings exactly.

TedMullins · 08/07/2023 16:16

100% agree! I’ve lived alone for 5 years and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I am actually letting my partner move in later this year but he knows if it doesn’t work out living together he’ll be booted out again 😂 I live in London and want a bigger place, sadly that is only possible by combining finances so living together in my flat is a kind of trial run. We’ve both agreed if money were no object we’d buy flats on the same road instead!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/07/2023 16:29

Just realised it's now c30 years that I've lived alone. Shared house for about 18 months after university then on my own ever since. Bliss 😊

shouldwemoveintogether · 08/07/2023 16:31

I love living on my own, child free. It's bliss.

My partner wants us to live together but he has 2 kids who he shares custody of and it would also mean I'd have to move away from my area. I keep stalling as I love my current life but it would save us a fortune!!

EmmaEmerald · 08/07/2023 16:33

20+ years living alone, it's amazing.

Original poster

EightyfirstCat · 08/07/2023 16:48

TedMullins · 08/07/2023 16:16

100% agree! I’ve lived alone for 5 years and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I am actually letting my partner move in later this year but he knows if it doesn’t work out living together he’ll be booted out again 😂 I live in London and want a bigger place, sadly that is only possible by combining finances so living together in my flat is a kind of trial run. We’ve both agreed if money were no object we’d buy flats on the same road instead!

Yes, you have control over the situation - if living with him adds real value to your life then fab, and if it doesn't then you can go back to how you were, without losing your home & security. You can do what works for you. It's a significantly stronger position to be in.

It's frustrating that living alone is so expensive, especially in London where it's only really possible to afford if you're shacked up with someone (unless extremely fortunate). I've had to move out of London for this reason.

OP posts:

minou123 · 08/07/2023 16:59

Another childfree, living alone woman here.

It can be expensive, as in we have no one to share the bills with, but in my opinion it's worth it

TedMullins · 08/07/2023 17:06

EightyfirstCat · 08/07/2023 16:48

Yes, you have control over the situation - if living with him adds real value to your life then fab, and if it doesn't then you can go back to how you were, without losing your home & security. You can do what works for you. It's a significantly stronger position to be in.

It's frustrating that living alone is so expensive, especially in London where it's only really possible to afford if you're shacked up with someone (unless extremely fortunate). I've had to move out of London for this reason.

Show quote history

Yes that’s exactly it. I think having him living here will be positive - he’s already here 3/4 nights a week and does all the cooking as I hate cooking and we always have a laugh, enjoy the same hobbies etc. But it’s also very important to me to retain independence like my own flat and finances. Even if we bought somewhere together in future I’d make sure we protected our contributions to the hilt. Unfortunately there aren’t many other places I’d want to live outside London and the ones I would consider are just as expensive if not more so!

readbooksdrinktea · 08/07/2023 17:08

minou123 · 08/07/2023 16:59

Another childfree, living alone woman here.

It can be expensive, as in we have no one to share the bills with, but in my opinion it's worth it

Agree it's expensive. But I can't imagine sharing my space with anyone long-term at this point in my 40s.

NoraLuka · 08/07/2023 17:18

Like a previous poster I’ve never lived alone but dream of it quite often! It’s nice to hear about other people being happy on their own. Today DP has restarted one of his many DIY projects, this time he’s started sanding the kitchen ceiling so everything is covered with a coating of plaster dust. He spent 10 minutes cleaning and is now at the pub. Living apart has a lot going for it!

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/07/2023 19:20

I’ve lived alone since my DH died and have discovered that I rather like it. I am in a long distance relationship now and my DP has lived alone for many years. Whilst I enjoy the times we spend together, I am not convinced about moving in together and am not sure we ever will. The logistics can be a bit of a pain sometimes and as others say, it’s more expensive but there are so many advantages to living on your own.

3GuineaPigs · 10/07/2023 19:49

Yup. Living alone feels safe. Free from control and abuse.

biedrona · 10/07/2023 21:37

Living alone (with a dog) is the biggest luxury of my life. I always shared until I bought when I was 34 (late but not by London standards).
Don't listen to those who say you need a partner living with you.
Congrats.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 10/07/2023 21:38

It's just me and Dcat here and that's the way I like it. When I have had partners come for the weekend, I've felt trapped and caged and like my skin is too tight for me.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 10/07/2023 21:39

Hell, I don't even like having guests in the house by day for too long.

BodegaSushi · 11/07/2023 12:12

Oooh you're almost like me, except that I'm renting for the foreseeable as I can't ever imagine owning 😐

I fantasise about living in a little home with just enough space for me (currently live in a hole) that I get to enjoy by myself and entertain the odd guest.

But for now, just living on my own will do