The official Childfree on MN bingo card

[ItsNotRocketSalad]

We have 24 squares to fill. What lines get trotted out on every thread that discusses the child free?

My suggestions:

1. You'll need my children to be your carers when you're old
2. Only parents understand real love
3. Childfree people shouldn't take annual leave in school holidays

That's great. It is really sad when people are unable to have children and are in pain because of this. This applies to some of my friends and it's very upsetting and I feel for them.

Other friends of mine are childfree by choice and I'm very happy for them. I'm glad you are in this situation.

In neither case do I think any differently about them as a result, and if I did, I wouldn't be a real friend. But while I've comforted my friends who have suffered infertility, i don't define my childfree friends as 'childfree'. They're just... my friends. And we talk about, and do, all the same things we always did.

You don't need to come on to this part of the site if you disagree with it so much. Just as we stay off the parenting parts.

No, but plenty of people have made comparable comments about my choice not to drive.

But it gives you so much more freedom
Don't you find you're always asking people for lifts?
you're not a real adult if you don't drive
etc.

I don't give a toss and I certainly wouldn't be interested in finding other people who've had the same stupid comments made to them. I'm secure in my own decision and don't care what "drivers" think of me.

Indeed as anyone who works in a care home will tell you.

Just because someone is childfree you think some childfree people don't think that some children are interesting?

Or don't you think that children are people, and some people are interesting?

There are so many other boards on here where you could talk about the things you like to do, without focusing on whether or not you are a parent, and no one would judge you for it or have any interest in it

Yes, that's why we have this board, where the (clearly futile) hope was that people who don't have children for whatever reason could discuss their experiences and focus on our childfree status in whatever way we wanted without someone telling us we're being negative or we ought to be somewhere else discussing stuff or that we're doing being childfree wrong.

Do you go on other boards and tell the posters how to post and what else they should be doing, or is it just this one that you feel the need to police and direct?

@Superfood my partner who is 40 doesn’t drive either - and he most certainly doesn’t have to put up with the same kind of nonsense I do for being a child free woman. He doesn’t get people questioning his decision or reason. Instead, someone might be slightly surprised and then it moves into the next topic of conversation. His worth as a person is not questioned and he isn’t pitied for not driving (no one has ever said to him ‘but you don’t know real joy/love/the meaning of life until you learn to drive’, or ‘but won’t you regret not driving when you’re older’, or ‘aren’t you lonely not driving’), and non-drivers are not typically represented as outcasts / weird / cold / loveless / lonely / to be pitied in popular culture (books/films/tv etc). These two experiences are not at all alike.

Indeed as anyone who works in a care home will tell you.

It is not for you, as a parent (presumably), to tell us how to refer to ourselves, or to lecture us on how we should perceive our own identity. The degree to which parents feel able to police and judge non-parents is simply incredible.

"Free" does not mean "lacking" in the context of childfree, as you seem to be assuming. . It means, "having freedom" - a wonderful positive.

Have you thought about adopting?
Have you considering going it alone?
Maybe you'll meet a man with kids and be a step-parent!
Aw, I suppose your dogs/cats/goldfish are like kids to you?
Dogs/cats/goldfish are nothing like kids!

Err hang in. I thought we were posting lines get trotted out on every thread that discusses the child free?

I posted an example of the kind of shit the childless have to face and I've got a bunch of people attacking me!

I meant that I don't find my friends/ family members/colleagues interesting or compatible or whatever based on whether they have children or not.

I don't consider being or not being a parent to be an important factor in who someone is or how I interact with them.

So I find it strange that some people apparently do consider it such a crucial defining factor.

@Changingplace @lemonchiffonpie @FiveShelties @RampantIvy

Thanks for attacking my post. It was an example of the kind of shit people post about child free people on threads. You know like that OP requested. I err.. don't actually think that

I don't think 'free' = 'lacking'.

You don't know if I have children or not. Which is kind of the point i was making. Why judge people on whether or not they are parents? Why make having, or not having, children such a central defining characteristic of yourself?

@Superfood Childfree people choose not to have children. That means they have put thought into it to make a decision and that decision is an important one to them. Kind of like how companies label products plastic-free, paraben-free, cruelty-free etc. While some people don't care about plastic in the environment or if shampoo is tested on the eyes of bunny rabbits, to others these things are very important.

So I find it strange that some people apparently do consider it such a crucial defining factor

Perhaps you might use the experience of this thread to reflect on why you can't understand that someone might have a completely different outlook on life from yours, then.

No-one here's obliged to explain why they consider it a 'crucial defining factor' and I suspect any attempt would be a waste of time anyway.

There are plenty of posts from people on this board who haven't made a decision but have had no choice in the matter.

@meatbaseddessert - apologies it definitely did not read like that in my view nor in other posters' views by the look of the posts.

There are plenty of posts from people on this board who haven't made a decision but have had no choice in the matter

And this boards for them, as well.

It's not difficult to understand. I just think it's a strange decision, one which encourages people to believe that they are viewed far more negatively than they really are, and which creates an artificial divide between women based on this one factor.

In terms of my friends, what matters is their personality, politics, intelligence, sense of humour, their career, what they like to do in their spare time, attitude to gender politics, etc etc. It's doing women a massive disservice to say that whether or not we have children is the critical factor in our lives.

What? Childfree people are people who have chosen not to have children. People who haven't gotten around to having children yet aren't "childfree".

You don't know if I have children or not. Which is kind of the point i was making. Why judge people on whether or not they are parents? Why make having, or not having, children such a central defining characteristic of yourself?

(1) Why are you assuming any of us think it a central defining characteristic? You seem to be projecting that on to us. There are many subjects on which I post on MN. Very few of them are about anything I would consider central to my life.

(2) We don't have to choose to define ourselves in the same way you do.

(3) If the whole subject is so unimportant in your eyes, why are you so invested in telling CF people how they should think about it, and even how they should describe themselves?

And I'm suggesting that telling them that everyone else in society looks down on them or considers them less worthy as humans or fundamentally separate from women with children isn't very helpful for them in terms of moving forward with their lives.

My friends who have been destroyed by infertility are the ones who see parenthood - or lack of - as the most important thing about them.

Those who consider it just one of the many aspects of life are the ones who are doing well and living their lives happily.

I've seen several posts from women who are childfree not by choice on this board. Not because they "haven't got round to it" but because they can't.

Oh yes, that’s a good one.