I would be grateful if anyone - especially other nannies - could give me some advice on how to deal with my nanny. I posted last week under a different name about our problem with her asking repeatedly about meeting up with her friends but there are a number of other issues which are becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. I am aware that I am now so furious with her that I am at risk of being a tad unreasonable . As I have decided that I will have to talk to her about how we feel next week, I feel that some perspective would be useful. She has now been working with us for 9 weeks but she has only been on her own with the children for the last 6. I have two DSs (3 and 1). The list of concerns are:
- She does not live local to us and commutes about 40 minutes by car. Within the first 2 weeks she she asked on numerous occasions if she could meet up with her nanny friends who live local to her or have them come to my house. I said that I didn't want her to drive them all over the country, so last week she asked if she could take them to meet her friends by train. It would be a long train journey with at least one change. She hadn't even researched it - she asked me to pick her up a train timetable!
- We are fortunate that we live in town and there is plenty to do but it would be useful if she could take them out on short trips. However, I am too scared to let her drive them around too much because it turns out that she has a speeding offence (as do I so not a big deal on it's own). However, when it came to putting her on our insurance she disclosed that she had made a huge claim on her insurance a few years ago following an accident that was her fault. Our insurance company wouldn't insure her at all. We agreed that she could use her car but I am not altogether comfortable with her driving them around.
- She disclosed that she has a history of Attention Deficit Disorder which means that, as a child at least, she had serious lapses in concentration. This makes me nervous but I have not seen any evidence of not being able to fully concentrate on my children - yet.
- She quickly got into a routine in which DS2 slept all morning in the buggy whilst DS1 was at preschool. DS2 would fall asleep on the way to preschool at 9am and she would quietly push him into the dining room on her return. When it was time to pick up DS1 at 12pm she would simply take DS1 out of the dining room still in buggy and head off for the preschool. Presumably he was still in the nappy that we put him in at 6am.
- After such an exciting morning - both children were treated to a trip to the park (DS2 again in the buggy). This routine was the same all three days she works. No art, no new fun games, no age appropriate varied activities. The same routine every day. I had told her that there are lots and lots of groups in our town and that we were happy to pay for any classes. I even gave her a magazine with all of the local classes in it.
- She asked for the password to our broadband internet so that she could use it on her iphone. As of yet we have seen no evidence for any work related research. I can only presume that she is using it solely for her own use. I don't mind of bit of this but it should also be used to research trips or activities.
- One day in week 6 of employment she admitted that the kids had not had such a great day because she had forgotten to hand in her essay to college - her solution was to drive my children to her college to hand it in. A trip that took them all afternoon. She said that she was able to pacify DS1 with chocolate but DS2 was not very happy.
- The next day she said that her commute had turned out to be more expensive than she imagined and could she have a pay rise. We said no - that it would be reviewed at the end of the year.
- With the all the sleeping in the buggy DS2 started to refuse to have naps in his cot during his days with me. It transpired that she had never really tried to get him to sleep in his cot - I guess she figured that the buggy is so much easier.
At this I became aware of all of this I set a review. I concluded that she is fundamentally a nice girl who needed more direction. I said that DS2 needs to relearn how to sleep in his cot and children need a varied routine with lots of age appropriate activity. Also told her again to look into groups and activities that the children could go to and would give her the opportunity to meet friend for her self.
- The next day DS2 was under the weather with a temperature. I decided to go to work but told her to take it easy and not worry to much about doing lots of things that day. Later that day I got a phone call from my neighbour saying that DS2 had been screaming for half an hour non-stop. Turns out she had used that day to reteach him how to fall asleep on his own. I told her that when a child is ill they will need to held a lot. I told her not to worry about it too much and because he was ill and now very distressed to hold and rock him until he is completely asleep and then put him in his cot.
10. She must still be doing this because now DS2 is now refusing to go into his cot awake. Last night I spent an hour trying to rock him to sleep.
10. I think that she lied to me about the children's afternoon naps the last day she was here this week. She managed to get both of them asleep at 2pm. She claims she woke them at 3pm. Neither child could fall asleep that night until after 9pm. This never happens so I think she let them sleep for a long time in the afternoon.
11. Despite the reminder about local groups, all she has managed to identify was a toddler group on the way back from DS1s nursery. She goes one morning a week. This is the only group/class that either of my children go to with her. As far as I am aware nothing is planned for half term.
12. She is not managing to engage DS1 who now says that he does not like her. It is hard to say how much of this is due to him not wanting me to leave. She has admitted that she finds it difficult to motivate him and he often says no to the activities that she suggests. I told her that she needs to set up the activities and make them appear exciting. She says this has helped.
13. I am sure that she thinks that I am a killjoy because all of the activities she has suggested I have said no to. She wanted to take them both swimming once a week. I wouldn't even dream of taking them both swimming on my own. Trips really far away from our home. Why can't she find anything local to do?
14. DS1s eating has taken a setback. He is a fussy eater anyway. I found out that she was offering him lots of options to get him to eat. One day she gave him sweetened popcorn instead of a meal "to make sure he had something to eat". He now tried to negotiate with us at mealtimes and often refuses whole meals.
I am trying to hold onto my belief that she is a nice person but every now and again I think that she is just taking the piss. I don't want to fire her before we have a really good go at working it out. However, I really don't think that she knows what she is doing and much of the time it really feels like babysitting and nothing more. Am I unreasonable to expect more from a nanny? I feel like I will need to do all of the planning for her and teach her about really basic childcare such as the need to teach children how to fall asleep on their own and how to motivate a 3 year old.
I am sorry that this is so long but I am at the end of my tether. I plan to talk to her next week and need some help.