Help - Nanny driving me CRAZY!!

[Babyrooboo]

I would be grateful if anyone - especially other nannies - could give me some advice on how to deal with my nanny. I posted last week under a different name about our problem with her asking repeatedly about meeting up with her friends but there are a number of other issues which are becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. I am aware that I am now so furious with her that I am at risk of being a tad unreasonable . As I have decided that I will have to talk to her about how we feel next week, I feel that some perspective would be useful. She has now been working with us for 9 weeks but she has only been on her own with the children for the last 6. I have two DSs (3 and 1). The list of concerns are:

1. She does not live local to us and commutes about 40 minutes by car. Within the first 2 weeks she she asked on numerous occasions if she could meet up with her nanny friends who live local to her or have them come to my house. I said that I didn't want her to drive them all over the country, so last week she asked if she could take them to meet her friends by train. It would be a long train journey with at least one change. She hadn't even researched it - she asked me to pick her up a train timetable!
2. We are fortunate that we live in town and there is plenty to do but it would be useful if she could take them out on short trips. However, I am too scared to let her drive them around too much because it turns out that she has a speeding offence (as do I so not a big deal on it's own). However, when it came to putting her on our insurance she disclosed that she had made a huge claim on her insurance a few years ago following an accident that was her fault. Our insurance company wouldn't insure her at all. We agreed that she could use her car but I am not altogether comfortable with her driving them around.
3. She disclosed that she has a history of Attention Deficit Disorder which means that, as a child at least, she had serious lapses in concentration. This makes me nervous but I have not seen any evidence of not being able to fully concentrate on my children - yet.
4. She quickly got into a routine in which DS2 slept all morning in the buggy whilst DS1 was at preschool. DS2 would fall asleep on the way to preschool at 9am and she would quietly push him into the dining room on her return. When it was time to pick up DS1 at 12pm she would simply take DS1 out of the dining room still in buggy and head off for the preschool. Presumably he was still in the nappy that we put him in at 6am.
5. After such an exciting morning - both children were treated to a trip to the park (DS2 again in the buggy). This routine was the same all three days she works. No art, no new fun games, no age appropriate varied activities. The same routine every day. I had told her that there are lots and lots of groups in our town and that we were happy to pay for any classes. I even gave her a magazine with all of the local classes in it.
6. She asked for the password to our broadband internet so that she could use it on her iphone. As of yet we have seen no evidence for any work related research. I can only presume that she is using it solely for her own use. I don't mind of bit of this but it should also be used to research trips or activities.
7. One day in week 6 of employment she admitted that the kids had not had such a great day because she had forgotten to hand in her essay to college - her solution was to drive my children to her college to hand it in. A trip that took them all afternoon. She said that she was able to pacify DS1 with chocolate but DS2 was not very happy.
8. The next day she said that her commute had turned out to be more expensive than she imagined and could she have a pay rise. We said no - that it would be reviewed at the end of the year.
9. With the all the sleeping in the buggy DS2 started to refuse to have naps in his cot during his days with me. It transpired that she had never really tried to get him to sleep in his cot - I guess she figured that the buggy is so much easier.

At this I became aware of all of this I set a review. I concluded that she is fundamentally a nice girl who needed more direction. I said that DS2 needs to relearn how to sleep in his cot and children need a varied routine with lots of age appropriate activity. Also told her again to look into groups and activities that the children could go to and would give her the opportunity to meet friend for her self.

1. The next day DS2 was under the weather with a temperature. I decided to go to work but told her to take it easy and not worry to much about doing lots of things that day. Later that day I got a phone call from my neighbour saying that DS2 had been screaming for half an hour non-stop. Turns out she had used that day to reteach him how to fall asleep on his own. I told her that when a child is ill they will need to held a lot. I told her not to worry about it too much and because he was ill and now very distressed to hold and rock him until he is completely asleep and then put him in his cot.

10. She must still be doing this because now DS2 is now refusing to go into his cot awake. Last night I spent an hour trying to rock him to sleep. 10. I think that she lied to me about the children's afternoon naps the last day she was here this week. She managed to get both of them asleep at 2pm. She claims she woke them at 3pm. Neither child could fall asleep that night until after 9pm. This never happens so I think she let them sleep for a long time in the afternoon. 11. Despite the reminder about local groups, all she has managed to identify was a toddler group on the way back from DS1s nursery. She goes one morning a week. This is the only group/class that either of my children go to with her. As far as I am aware nothing is planned for half term. 12. She is not managing to engage DS1 who now says that he does not like her. It is hard to say how much of this is due to him not wanting me to leave. She has admitted that she finds it difficult to motivate him and he often says no to the activities that she suggests. I told her that she needs to set up the activities and make them appear exciting. She says this has helped. 13. I am sure that she thinks that I am a killjoy because all of the activities she has suggested I have said no to. She wanted to take them both swimming once a week. I wouldn't even dream of taking them both swimming on my own. Trips really far away from our home. Why can't she find anything local to do? 14. DS1s eating has taken a setback. He is a fussy eater anyway. I found out that she was offering him lots of options to get him to eat. One day she gave him sweetened popcorn instead of a meal "to make sure he had something to eat". He now tried to negotiate with us at mealtimes and often refuses whole meals.

I am trying to hold onto my belief that she is a nice person but every now and again I think that she is just taking the piss. I don't want to fire her before we have a really good go at working it out. However, I really don't think that she knows what she is doing and much of the time it really feels like babysitting and nothing more. Am I unreasonable to expect more from a nanny? I feel like I will need to do all of the planning for her and teach her about really basic childcare such as the need to teach children how to fall asleep on their own and how to motivate a 3 year old.

I am sorry that this is so long but I am at the end of my tether. I plan to talk to her next week and need some help.

Your nanny sounds irresponsible and immature. She has obviously taken on this role without thinking through the implications of being away from her existing friends and the costs of her commute. If she wants nanny friends (and I can certainly see why she should have people to meet up with, it can be a boring business being at home every morning with a 1 yr old who in your case is apparently asleep anyway) then she needs to make them in your area by going to local groups and activities - all of which you have been encouraging her to do.

I know people are allowed to have speeding points and car accidents but she did not disclose this until she was already employed and you were trying to add her to your insurance (presumably on a car which you were happy with and with your dc's car seats already installed). Now you are presumably paying her 40p per mile to use her own car which was not your first choice. Who is she anticipating will pay for those long trips to see her friends? I would initially be more concerned about the fact that her car may not be as suitable for trips with children than about her driving and I presume you have checked that she has business insurance on her vehicle?

I don't really have time to go through your post in any more detail but re the cot issue, was she aware that when your son had his naps, he was supposed to be in the cot? If so, then there is no excuse for leaving him in his buggy EVERY DAY for a three hour nap. As a nanny there is actually no excuse for doing that even if she hadn't been told anyway.

What age is this nanny and what is her previous experience? What did her references say when you spoke to them?

Regardless of the specific ins and outs of your issues, the fundamental problem is that you don't trust her. You absolutely cannot continue a relationship with a child carer whom you don't trust to look after your children as well as you would, and within your set guidelines. There is no future for this nanny with you, the sooner you get rid the better.

FWIW it sounds like:
a) she is clueless (either young and inexperienced and/or this is not the right job for her); but also that
b) you have not been very clear in your instructions to her. What may seem obvious to you (eg naps to be taken in cot, self settle), may be the opposite to how another mother would approach things. Everybody has different requirements, and before you employ another nanny I think it would help if you wrote down your expectations, so the confusion you mention does not happen again. Once you know that the 'rules' are in place, and you trust your nanny, then you need to step back and let them do their job (eg breaking the rules to cuddle an ill child to sleep)

On the other thread you say that your DS1 was at Nursery. So I am wondering if you are expecting your nanny to do the same things as Nursery would have done?

Nannynick I have not read the other thread but it is appropriate to expect a nanny to do similar things as a nursery worker would do?

First impressions - lazy, self-centred, no initiative...

It does sound like you have issues with her driving them around. Does she have business insurance? It's also not on for her to expect you to a) pay commuting costs/ask a pay rise to cover them, b) pick up the tab so she can go see the nanny friends from her old job when she could be doing stuff locally, c) ask repeatedly! It's also not on for her to not disclose her driving history - you need to feel confident in her ability to ensure your children's safety and I suspect you'd have been a lot cooler about it if she'd been upfront.

Her medical history is a tricky one to deal with. Does she have a medical note declaring her fitness to work with children, in the same way a childminder would have? Why did she disclose it to you? Is it being managed? It's entirely possible that she's fine but the fact she's told you worries me a little, almost as though she's expecting something to go wrong. The lack of nappy change would only be a concern if it was soiled. How often do you expect DS2's nappy to be changed? Have you communicated that to her?

Routines with nannies can differ from the parent's routines. If you're out and about and DS2 has a morning sleep then he's going to have to nap in his buggy. If you're at home by all means do make it clear he should sleep in his cot and self-settle but you do need to make it clear. Again, I feel she's severely lacking in initiative and common sense! No-one in their right mind expects an ill/distressed child to self-settle, do they? Although I suppose that depends on how ill they are. Is the 3+ hour morning nap your idea? Could you organise something for the mornings or would that mess up his routine? Behaviour management strategies also differ but mine definitely don't include bribery with chocolate for long car journeys. Could she not think of any other way to make it interesting for DS1? That couple with her sweet popcorn meal substitute would be making me wonder about her nutritional knowledge as well.

TBH it doesn't sound like she has much clue about actively caring for children rather than being a body that's paid to supervise them and needs a helluva lot of management, which I wouldn't blame you if you didn't have time to give. You can find yourself doing the same thing over and over again, like going to the park, but the same every day is a bit much. That said if DS1 is at preschool and DS2 is still quite little then art/fun games might be a bit much to expect if DS1 wants to chill in the afternoon. Re: the saying 'no' to activities - he's 3, she shouldn't be giving him that much choice, it should be a case of 'do you want to go to the park or play X game at home?'

To sort this out you can pre-book classes, leave activities out for her to do, generally micromanage her...but that kinda defeats the point of having a professional nanny and both of you will get fed up with it fast.

Personal errands/internet use - yes, occasionally it's unavoidable that nanny has to do something in working hours (we don't get lunch breaks) but at the very least this should include a fun activity for the children. As far as internet goes what do you expect her to do during the time when DS1 is at preschool and DS2 sleeps? If you expect her to spend that time doing nursery duties, preparing activities and researching trips then tell her so. If you haven't she probably thinks it's fine for her to spend it surfing the net.

There's a lot to sort out - you could do it but I think you're fundamentally unhappy and she just isn't the sort of person you want looking after your children. I would also listen to DS saying he doesn't like her - she's been with you a reasonable amount of time and if he still doesn't like her that IMO isn't normal. Next time try to find someone who has worked locally, whose ideas about suitable activities mesh with yours and who has similar ideas of behaviour management wrt sleeping, eating and motivating children.

pinkfizzle IMO a nanny won't do the same things a nursery worker will in terms of planning and tying activities into the EYFS but they should be providing art/craft activities, reading story books, messy play and generally stimulating the children.

Thank you Frakkit.

I'll try to tackle the points raised:

1. You want to restrict travel, fair enough. Would you compromise though on letting her meet up with friends at a place that is say half way between the locations - such as at a park, toddler group, indoor play venue?

1. You are happy for short trips but not long trips, is that right? Aren't the accident statistics saying that most accidents happen within a couple of miles of home - thought I'd heard that somewhere.

Speeding offence should have been revealed when you checked her driving licence before hiring her... did you not do that check? Presume it was points on license, so nanny I feel should have mentioned it to you - though I do feel you should have checked.

Accidents do happen and can be put down as a Fault claim, even though circumstances may have been that it was not entirely their fault. Accidents can also be a learning experience as it can teach people that when driving sometimes the car does not always do as you expect it to, especially at speed or in wet weather.

As you were providing a car, was it not something you asked about at interview? Guess you didn't, which is why it only came out later on.

"I am not altogether comfortable with her driving them around."
So that would include short trips as well as long ones then?

1. Not sure why she would disclose such a thing to you. Sounds like it was a childhood thing... so does it affect her ability to work now?

1. Children sleep differently for carers than they do for their parents. Sleep also changes as children age. If a child is asleep you would not wake them to change their nappy in my view. You would change them at a time following them waking.

1. "After such an exciting morning - both children were treated to a trip to the park (DS2 again in the buggy)."

Is there something you don't like about DS2 being in a buggy? How old is he in Months? Is it the case that he can walk and she isn't letting him do much walking?

Maybe your DS2 likes the park... and given that you won't let her drive anywhere, perhaps it's the only place she knows how to get to. Is that possible?

Would you prefer them to stay at home, even though it's spring/summer time. Surely better to be at the park than doing puzzles indoors.

Groups and classes often tend to only operate in the morning... have you found classes which are in the afternoon which are suitable for BOTH children?

Is there time for DS2 to nap and do a class in the morning whilst DS1 is at nursery? From the sounds of it DS2 is napping a long time at present... in future this morning nap will be dropped completely, so more opportunity for groups then.

1. Phones and Internet are generally used to stay in touch with people and for research into places to go. However in a break period someone may use it to post on Mumsnet... is that research or personal use? Nannies don't get any formal breaks during their working day, so have to take little rest periods as and when they occur.

Look at the bigger picture is the phone usage excessive? If it does become so then say something. I will use my phone quite a bit whilst at work... finding out where friends are going, checking opening times and prices for places, downloading a manual for how to use the bread machine, recipes, sending an e-mail or Twitter message so my boss knows what we are doing, sometimes even reading mumsnet. View it as if your own work would view it... is the personal use of the internet affecting work too much, if so say something.

1. Sometimes things happen which will involve a change of plans. The sewers may block and discharge sewerage over the garden for example. Whose problem is that? It's your problem as the houseowner. Yet the nanny may sort that out for you. Would that be a fun day for the children... perhaps not, though they may like watching the man with the pressure hose!

People forget things... I've been known to forget my glasses - so I've done a detour on the way to somewhere to pick them up from my home. Think that's happened once in the past 2 years. So not a frequent occurrence. The essay thing is similar, it isn't likely to be a frequent occurrence. Not sure why it would involve so much time though... also it could have been combined with visiting somewhere - perhaps somewhere near the college. Of course in that sort of situation the mileage cost would not be billed... as that is one cost that the mistake incurs.

1. Not your issue... you did the right thing to say no to a pay rise. Travel costs are going up for everyone, it's just the way things are.

1. Children are fussy and will change their sleeping habits. If you want him to always take naps in his cot then you can dictate that. I'd just be happy that he sleeps at all.

1. You had asked her to put DS2 in his cot to sleep the day before? So now she followed that and DS2 objected. Think you may be giving out different messages... one day it's in the cot, next it's ok to rock to sleep.

When children are ill they do want more physical closeness at times... though no reason why once he was sleepy that he could not be laid in his cot. It's a tricky one as none of us were there... so we don't know what really happened. Ultimately he was left long enough for your neighbour to complain - so pick up on that part of the issue... such as how long you feel he should be left to cry.

10. So is nanny now rocking him to sleep, as that is what you had now told her to do, rather than put DS2 in the cot? She may just be trying to do as you have told her.

If a child falls asleep, do you want her to wake them up?

11. Good that she has found a toddler group on route back from nursery. I thought DS2 slept in the morning? Maybe he only sleeps if not having something more interesting to do.

Half term can be rather tricky... many groups don't operate. Thus I go on outings to various places often quite far away. Gets us back to the driving issue... if you won't let her drive, how will they get to places to go?

12. DS1 doesn't like her for some reason. See if he is able to communicate more about that. Perhaps he can suggest things he wants to do... I've had a child say Sit Helicoptor and I've found a place he could do that - again though, it was a long drive!

13. I've taken children of those ages swimming. Just because you wouldn't do something does not mean nanny shouldn't do it. That's one of the things about having a nanny - your children get to do things that they wouldn't do if you were at home.

"Why can't she find anything local to do?"
What is there to do locally... have you actually made a list yourself? Sit down with nanny and go through what things can be done locally.

14. Children's eating varies constantly. One week they will eat X next week they refuse it. Offering lots of options does not help... so suggest she either offers no option at all, or a choice of 2 things. I find that a fruit and veg plate goes down well the boys I care for... they will pick at it taking what they want.

This week the toddler I care for refused to eat anything at lunchtime and ended up having a bowl of cornflakes (with milk).
At teatime he ate the lot (pasta with tomato and other "hidden" veg sauce) where as his older brother refused it and only ate the pasta (hmm, wonder if he worked out what was in the sauce - he has had the sauce before and liked it).

I would have expected there was something other than popcorn to offer... though would that something else have been any better.

Be firm with DS1 when he is with you... he can easily accept that one set of rules applies when you are there and another with nanny.

Children won't starve themselves usually... so don't worry too much about what they eat per day... look at the week in total.

pinkfizzle, IMO a nanny won't do the same things as a nursery worker. Some will be the same but some will be different.

A nanny will be able to focus far more on the needs of the individual child, so can run with anything that has caught that child's imagination. Nurseries find that hard to do IMO as they need to do things for all the children in the group.

Sure a nanny may do craft activities... will often read stories, will make playdough, help with jigsaws, Duplo/Lego building, make a camp out of the sofa cushions (oh, nursery won't usually do that!), make cakes (again not all nurseries do that), build the wooden castle, get the train set out, roll around on the grass looking at the lines made by the aeroplaces in the sky (hmm, wonder how often that happens at nursery), going for walks in the local area to feed the ducks or see the horses (not all nurseries do that), build with interconnecting shapes, play with toy cars and people. Could go on and on... some of the things a nursery would do... some of the things they would not do.

Thus I do not feel that they are the same.

Nursery may do more messy things... such as painting, as they have the facility to clear up that mess better. Private homes don't always have a place where messy things can be done... so some things a nursery does many no be done at home due to a lack of facilities.

aeroplaces! I really should spell check things. Should be Aeroplanes

oh dear, a few of the things arent that bad on their own, but all points put together not good tbh

1.40mins isnt that far and tbh would it be that bad to allow her one a month to do so 1/12 days if going to be children the same age

2, you want her to do things but then say you are scared about her driving - i have points,my mb and db both do as well and yes i have been in accidents, i managed to roll current jobs car with kids in it 3 years ago (not my fault) so you are saying you want her to get out and about,but she cant drive them, so only walkable groups etc

maybe you can go in the car with her to see what her driving is like

3.she was honest and tbh didnt have to tell you

1. did ds2 sleep all the 2.5/3hrsin the buggy? seems a very long sleep if just up 7am or so

5, parks are nice but not every day - maybe you need to join her to some weekely activites, ie tumbletots/music etc so she has something to do each week

1. many nannies including myself have iphones and use internet during the day - fine as long as not all the time and kids not neglected, errands,yes sometimes nannys will do unwork stuff with kids but bribing with chocolate

1. cheeky, she should have worked this out,well done for saying no, jobs dont pay travelling to/from exspenses

8/9/10 she was trying to do as you said but obv if a child is ill then sleep training isnt going to work,also she is there 3 days what do you do the other 4?

11/12/13 she sounds lonely and is trying by going to toddler group, what activites is she setting up and why cant she take your 2 swimming, you say YOU cant cope with 2 children, i have always taken 2 children swimming, but now cant take my charges as have 3 under 8, though 2 eldest can swim, so may tell a small white lie in summer and say eldest is 8 (is 7 3/4) or we can never go anymore unless have a friend who has one child

14. omg popcorn

where did you find her from?did she have any exp/ref whaich you checked what did they say?

in the end you are not happy and therefore you need to give your nanny notice

"oh dear, a few of the things arent that bad on their own, but all points put together not good tbh"

This is exactly it - one or two things on their own wouldn't be an issue, but all in all it adds up to her being quite clueless and you not being confident in her.

Oh Babyrooboo, sorry about your nanny!

As upset as I am about my nanny throwing a strop about my not letting her do the day trip to the beach, she would never do the things you're talking about!

My DS has done things with his nanny like:

Making cards to send people;
made a spacerocket; dinosaur, hand and foot print pictures
pictures for me for mothers day (from both DS, even the then 7 month old)
home made plasticine
spashing 'pool' on the hot days

They often go for long walks, visit the ducks, go to playground

They made Christmas decorations with pine cones and paper chains

And many, many more.

DS2 naps in his cot but if he's feeling off colour and won't settle then she'll occasionally take them for a walk and let him go to sleep in the push chair.

These are pretty standard things which someone who has an interest in children and a little bit of training should be able to do without a problem.

TBH, because of all of this I am willing to tolerate her bouts of juvenile behaviour (as long as they are just occasional!)

I would say that you need to seriously consider dismissing her. Did you give her a probationary period in her contract? If so, and you don't want to dismiss her just yet you could have a proper sit down discussion about your issues and extend her probationary period, but make sure you do it in writing.

Although your nanny sounds a little selfish and immature, you sound fickle and passive about the care you want for your children

Half the things you are complaining about are things you have asked her to do - cot train/stop cot training and hold baby - organise activities/don't go swimming or out of local area - establish sleep routine/change that routine/change it back when it doesnw't suit you...

Children do sometimes sleep too long. Children do sometimes change their sleeping habits. Children do sometimes manipulate their parents - you are moaning that she is inexperienced, but I think YOUR inexperience as parents means you aren't making allowances for normal child development and behavior.

Not read to the end but we had different nanny over about 7 years.
OP you need to look at the contract that you have with this Nanny and move to dismiss her, bad habits don't go away totally ever.
A good nanny is like gold dust, my first lasted less than a week, she just could not cope, I had spent ages researching, and recruiting before employing her. The 2nd was an emergency from the agency never even interviewed her, she just turned up! She was absolutely brilliant got my DC into a routine with clubs etc just like nannynick talks about.
You can do so much better, make the hard decision.

Completly off the topic but faerie07 why did you not allow your nanny to go to the beach?

it's a fun day out in the fresh air and you can go hunting in rock pools for crabs/small fish/find pretty shells to take home and paint/jump the waves/build sandcastles etc

We try and go to the beach at least once in the summer and all my charges have loved it and toddler slept in the buggy in the shade

I'm about an hour from the coast so obv drive there and go on motorways etc

tho regardless of you saying no, the nanny shouldn't strop but sounds like she does fun artistic activities with your children and plans fun but educational things to do so curious why you said no

I also make cards for mothers/fathers/valentine/Easter/Christmas/birthday etc and MB/db love getting them

In no particular order:

• Nanny doesn't drive - Beach is about 1 1/2 hours away by train - so 3 hours train journey to be done in one day;
• DS2 is only 9 months old, so feel the hot day was too much risk for him - not sure if he will turn out to have DH's or my colouring, if mine will be ok, if DH's, just 10 minutes in the sun will make him burn...!!!
• Nanny has done lots of outings - but has not done a 'full' day with both children locally where she would have back up and an easy way home if needed as practice (and carrying all the gear she would need for a whole day;
• Nanny has on occasion walked too far with DS1 and he hasn't coped with the walk back home and nanny has had to then carry him the remainder of the way home (he's 3 and she hurt herself!);
• Is impatient with public transport and will often walk because she can't be bothered waiting 20 minutes for a bus - leading to some of the overdoing it with DS1.
• Nanny doesn't have the best time management, and will often be back later from outings than she is meant to be (once had a child coming over for a play date and I had to go and fetch them to get them home in time);
• She wanted to do the trip before the school holidays and only mentioned it on Monday late in the day which meant she needed to do it Wednesday (only day free for DS1 and she isn't with us on Tuesdays) and had done no planning or research but just assumed it would be ok because of what her friend had said about the facilities;
• On this occasion I suspected she wanted to meet up with a friend of hers who had a child, judging by what the nanny herself has told me about this friend she is a rather unreliable person who has done odd things with her DS (well things that I find odd and would not be comfortable with) so not happy with that idea.

So in this case I said I wasn't comfortable with the idea and would prefer she didn't.

If it had been left at that it wouldn't have been an issue, but she threw a strop and I got annoyed with her and tell her 'absolutely not'.

At a later point in time I possibly wouldn't mind, and on this occasion if it was just DS1 (3) I probably would have been ok, but not with the both of them.

Am I the only nanny who does not ask their boss for permission to take children on an outing?
Maybe I'm lucky in having a boss who will let me do what I like.
Wonder if being older than my boss helps?

My nanny is older than me, for outings in our village (new toddler group or park) she won't mention it as it will generally be a last minute decision as the usual plans have fallen through. She generally mentions outings slightly further afield, but it's not really for permission.

To the OP, you mention that your nanny wanted her friends to come over to you, were you happy with that? That would get over some of your concerns about outings.

She does sound yound and inexperienced, but like the others have said, I think she might be getting mixed messages from you, for example about sleeping. But if this is a ultimately a personality thing, then it's probably not going to work

Nannynick - I suspect your nannying experience is a great deal broader than my nanny's! And her mother is only a few years oldler than I am so I look at her and see a child (not fair to her as she is in her mid 20s but there you go!!)

faerie07 a lot of reasons. The train journey would be long but then again I have taken kids up to London zoo and been 90mins each way with train/tube/bus etc

yes temperatures are hot but shade/cream/hat etc and baby will be fine

Not having both all day sole charge seems weird tho I do understand your concerns I think you should give the nanny some slack

nannynick - I also don't ask for permission to do stuff. I discuss at interviews that I am a very sociable nanny and go out to beach/park/zoo/museum/ etc and I have free reign to do what I like

if trips are organised I prob would mention where we are going on the day but don't ask. Once there I send emails with pics which both db/mb love

basically my mb/db trust me and my judgement otherwise it would be no point in me being their nanny

I also don't "ask permission" for outings - if I think that it's appropriate and my charge will like it we tend to do it - we might mention it to mb if it's something a little while in the future but spur of the moment trips out ie train rides, visiting the beach etc then we tend to tell her when she gets back that evening and asks what we've done today.

I always take lots of photos so she can see what we've done and why we might have gone, but she trusts me with her child and therefore trusts my judgement in any issues regarding our day/activities/friends etc.

Photos of where we have been I feel help a lot towards showing to parents that their children liked the trip. Reminds me that I have not uploaded this weeks photos yet.

Trust is probably the key issue - the OP does not trust her nanny, yet. It's been 9 weeks yet trust is not there yet. Will it ever be there? If someone can not trust their nanny then it's just not going to work.

I finally scrapbooked 6 months worth of photos the other day Nick and I still have a huge pile of pictures (2 months worth) for another album!!

Agree that if you don't feel the trust in the first week or so then you probably won't.

OP what would you need for you to trust your nanny or do you think you should just start again with someone else?

Blondeshavemorefun - you misunderstood me re the all day part. She has had sole charge of the children all day. She hasn't taken them out for a whole day. She has taken them out for part of the day and looked after them at home for the other parts of the day. To me this is different. This is her first nannying position and although she does lots of 'fun' things with the DCs, she isn't always that organised but is slowly getting better.

I work from home so am more involved than other MB would be I guess. I also have times where I do things with one of the children while she looks after the other one, or we all go out somewhere together, and on those times she is part helper, part nanny.