Normal for a night nanny to be heavily asleep (not hear baby being sick etc)?

[newmummy100]

I've just employed a night nanny, her first night was last night for my 3 day old baby.

I was awake and heard my baby start crying (only just started) so I popped into her to check how things were going and she was getting out of bed and looked at baby as I was approaching and said 'oh, your baby has been sick'. He had been sick in his moses basket and she hadn't heard as she had been asleep. [I think he had been sick as we had agreed that she give him one formula feed in the night and I would do breastfeed at other times and she had given him 100ml of forumla - double what he has had so far - is this a bit much for a 3 day old?].

She was due to leave at 7am this morning, it was 7:15 and she hadn't gone to get me and I went in and she was fast asleep and I called her name about 10 times (loudly) before she woke up.

My question - do all night nannies sleep when the baby sleeps? i.e. is this just part of the role... I sort of thought that they may stay awake/watch tv etc or just doze.. not sleep and out for the count.

Thanks for your help.

No this is not normal and a complete waste of your money.

Why do you want a night nanny for your 3 day old baby anyway?

WHy a night nanny? JUst to warn you if you want to continue to breastfeed the bottle of formula at this stage will probably scupper your chances.

I don't know whether you have other domestic employees, but, TBH, money is always better spent on getting your chores done by others rather than getting your baby cared for by others at this stage post-birth.

But if you thought that why give her a bed to sleep in? Maybe a comfy chair would be better. But then I don't know what a night nurse does exactly

Your choice but why bother? Babies eventually sleep more and more through the night, happens quicker than you think. Also at 3 days old as someone else says, giving a bottle of formula is not particularly helpful if you want to keep on breastfeeding. Babies will regulate their own milk intake so possibly was sick as had too much formula.

A 3 day old baby will wake and want to breastfeed in the night for a variety of reasons, not all of them about being hungry -maybe he/she just wanted a cuddle?

Bosoir suggests using the money to get your cleaning/shopping done. IMHO that is a much better use of money and gives you more time to bond with your baby. Sorry if that sounds judgemental but feel sad that a tiny 3 day old baby is crying for it's mother and getting a 'nanny' who is a bit half-arsed anyway!

I look back at the early sleepless nights now with affection and sadness. Yes it feels rotten at the time to be so tired but there is something nice about being awake in the middle of the night, just you and your baby and having baby snuggling down with you for a feed. This phase is soon gone. Maybe I'm just a silly romantic though.

Why don't you do it yourself ?

I mean, your obviously more likely to hear your baby being sick than a stranger aren't you, your supposed to.

That sounds an awful lot of formula for a newborn.

Whatever your reasons for employing her I think she is not acting well. She didn't wake when baby was sick and she gave her twice as much formula as you had agreed?

You are paying her to sleep!

Giving formula at this stage is not a great idea imho for many reasons but obviously your baby, your call.

I agree with fifitot. Just me, dh and baby awake in the night made me feel we were the only people awake in the world.

Woah! That is way too much formula for a newborn, not surprised the poor little one was sick.

Agree with other posters, do the nights yourself, have someone to do housework/cooking/look after baby while you have a nap the next day.

So she fed your baby the wrong amount
Didn't awaken when he was sick
Didn't awaken to wake you up in the morning

So basically she's not doing anything useful for you at all, then?

Way too much formula for a baby that young. My old boss had a night nanny and said she found it a life saver. At the most 1 - 2oz is plenty. Also what everyone else says you will never get your milk supply going if you bottle feed this early so i would suggest to have a night nanny later on when the baby gets into more of a routine. They do it themselves really. You could either wait till you can express enough milk or give formula. There isn't any point really if you are up in the night and you have a nanny. For me the tiredness kicked in at the 6 week mark.

There's nothing wrong with sleeping if you are working as a night nanny but surely it should be with one ear open, she maybe is doing a full time job too to be that tired. It's def not value for money and you shouldn't have her back. Did you get her through an agency? I found at this age babies still find it quite a shock to be away from mum and need that comfort so would def suggest to get a night nanny later on when you are more out and about and baby is in more of a routine. Hope you get it sorted and congratulations.

Agree with everyone else, this nanny is not doing as she is supposed to and fed your baby WAY too much formula.

I also agree that your money would be much better spent on getting help with chores, farm out the housework/the ironing etc and keep the nights for yourself, I know it's knackering in the early stages but so much bonding happens in the small hours of the morning, and that phase does generally pass quite quickly. If you get help with your chores then you can sleep in the day when baby sleeps.

So far your night nanny has cost you money, made your little one sick and you STILL had to get up in the night.

If you decide you do need a night nanny it certainly doesn't sound like you need the one you have.

I work as a night nanny. While I doze throughout the night I would find it impossible to sleep so soundly that I wouldn't hear a baby being sick or my name being called. It's always in the back of my mind that I am at work and being paid rather well to be alert enough to deal with the baby.

Deep sleeper + unable to be woken easily = less than ideal night nanny.

Thanks for all the advice so far. I employed her as I have a 16 month old toddler to look after so I can't sleep when the baby sleeps during the day. Plus a c-section to get over.

Thanks for the thoughts on the breastmilk - I hadn't considerd this and I definitely want my breastmilk to satisfy little one as I need this. I breastfed baby one to 8 months and really helped me bond and get over post-natal depression.

I'm upset as my 16 month old has rejected me since the baby came home yesterday. I can't pick him up due to c-section and he won't go near me and clings to dads legs. It is making me cry (probably should post elsewhere on how to deal with this). I thought also by being alert and not tired during the day I could spend more time with him.

I definitely need some sort of help as my husband goes back to work Monday and I can't do the 16 month, the newborn, breastfeed, get over c-section and post natal depression all alone.

Is a night nanny the answer (a different one)? Or maybe a Mums help? Or a nanny that comes in and helps with newborn but toddler too (or will toddler just then go to her and not me).

Just know I've got to do something fast!

Congratulations on the new baby.
I would:
Get rid of the night nanny
Get a Mother's Help or a daytime Nanny (maybe part time) or even a babysitter for your 16 month old so you can doze a few times with your newborn in the daytime and sleep when newborn sleeps at night. Can you feed newborn laying down?
That's too much formula. That night nanny sounds horrible. And it's not going to help you with bonding... especially if she wants to give it formula. That will affect your supply if done too often.

Sorry to hear about your 16 mo - I don't have any advice (mine will be 18 months when DD1 arrives, so interested to hear any tips myself) - but am sure it will just be a short structural adjustment period and he will soon be back giving you cuddles as long as you're giving them to him.

I work from home full time and we have a live-in Mother's Help. We're intending to keep her on for a couple of months after DD arrives b/c DH works away during the week a lot and I feel it will be too much for me to cope with.

To be honest, I'd rather have the extra pair of hands during the day when DS1 will be up and awake and needing entertaining, plus she helps with housework when he's napping.

I intend to breastfeed again, so I figure I just need to push through those early weeks of sleepless nights, and rely on the extra pair of hands during the day.

This is just us, though. The night times, though tough, and crucial bonding time (although I know everyone does things differently), plus b/feeding means I have to do it myself. It's during the day that I really feel I'll need the extra pair of hands.

Here's an un-MN ((hug)), as it sounds pretty tough for you at the moment.

I'd be looking for someone to who'll help out during the day. Someone who can either look after the 16-month old while you and the baby sleep, or will take the baby so you can spend some time with the 16-month old.

With my second and third babies, I kept my older children at their childminder part-time while I was on maternity leave. It was someone they were used to (I know, that was easy for me!), the CM lavished attention on them as she is well-used to dealing with toddler jealousy and I caught up on sleep while they were away. Then we could all have some time together when they came back home in the afternoon.

Hope you can find a way to that suits you all, and congratulations on your new baby!

Can you try doing something special with your toddler while you feed the baby? Whenever I sat down to feed the new baby, I'd read to my other children - as many stories as they wanted, whatever stories they wanted With DD3, DD2 would sometimes look at the baby with her head on one side and say 'Baby's hungry, Mummy, feed her!' while holding a sheaf of books in her hands.......

I won't pass judgement on employing a night nanny. I am surprised others have. Not called for, imo.

Nanny sounds crap, though. Did you go through an agency? Go back to them, complain, get someone else. You want someone with extensive experience of night nannying, especially with newborns.

Agree that formula at this stage may sabotage your milk supply. Can you express instead?

Hope you are feeling better soon.

OMG she sounds awful, where did you get her from and if agency COMPLIAIN

if not agency where did you get her from and did you check her refernces?

i nn a lot and yes once baby is fed/winded/chnaged etc i do go back to sleep but im a light sleeper and espically so when working, tho have been known to be on mn and fb after 4am feed

I dont expect you to have to go in and wake her, she should wake at first snuffle of baby let alone have her name called several times

that is WAY too much milk and suprised a 3 day baby drank it, poor wee thing, prob had major tummy ache hence the sickness

please dont employ her again - if you are anywhere near kent then i cat me and hopefully i can help you out x

congrats on new bubba as well xx

your 16mth is trying your patience and knows something is up but not what so if you can get some daily help either nanny/gp/friend/neighbour and they can have new baby and spend a little 1 to 1 time with your eldest he will be fine xx

5dollarshake has great advice. Agree, it's the daytime that the most help is needed.

I hope you're feeling better soon. It's so hard in the early days.

How judgy are people here!

Fire the night nanny right away. Is this with an agency?

newmummy100 - Congratulations on your new arrival. I have a 16 month gap between my two youngest and I had a c-section. I remember that rabbit in the headlights feeling.

The glaringly obvious solution is for your husband to take more time off work, is that possible? It is normal for small children to be a bit put out when you come home with a new baby.

Give your 16 month old as much attention as possible when your baby is asleep. And when the baby cries say things like: shall we feed X so he can stop crying and we can concentrate on reading that book again. And send your husband out to get a stack of stickers and books and magnets to distract him when you are feeding.

And my rule was that if they were both crying for attention at the same time, I dealt with the toddler first. Always. They very very quickly settled with no jealousy or rejection issues.

I agree with Bonsoir - spend the money on domestic support services - cleaning, cooking, ironing, shopping. Don't try and do any of this yourself if you can afford not to.

Good luck.

I should add, in reference to your question about whether your toddler will go to a nanny or you - we have had our MH for 2.5 months now, and her and DS1 have established a great bond. However, I am still his Mummy. She has no more 'usurped' (for want of a better word) me than DH has, as his Dad.

What I mean to say is that we all have our roles to play and he relies on all of us, but the mother-child bond is as strong as ever.

I don't know if I'm making sense here. I know a lot of women worry about a nanny or similar supplanting them in their child's affections, but it just doesn't work like that. They know who their Mum is, no matter how wonderful and caring the nanny is. Yes, they will go to them sometimes as they should if they've developed a good bond, but Mum will always be Mum.

I would add, re expressing for night time feeds - this is no way to establish your supply. The best way to establish supply is to put your baby to your breast. Expressing is all well and good once your supply is well and truly establish, but before then it is just as likely to scupper your chances of successfully breastfeeding. Plus, all it means it being strapped to an expressing machine during the day, when you could be doing other things, like playing with your toddler or resting.

Fire her NOW while DH is still around to help. If you stick with formula at night you can take turns doing feeds to give each other a break. We did this and it works if you are getting at least 3-4 hours of sleep at a time, which makes you feel sort of human.

Your 16 month old will settle down - it is perfectly normal for him to react this way at this time. You feel so sad and imbalanced because of all the hormones just after having a baby, so don't blame yourself for being upset. Just hold on to the fact that this period will pass very quickly.

Meanwhile, please lose the nanny. It is unacceptable to give a new baby so much formula, especially when it is going against your advice.

Hire another ASAP and make sure you have agreed first exactly what her duties are/what you expect. You've got to take charge - I know it's really hard but you can do it and it will make you feel so much better.

Good luck - you'll be fine!

I don't think people were being judgy... just saying that she would be better off with another kind of help, based on what she is saying is going on with toddler...etc. I don't think anyone judged her, just suggested alternatives to better suit her situation.