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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Normal for a night nanny to be heavily asleep (not hear baby being sick etc)?

83 replies

newmummy100 · 20/04/2010 07:59

I've just employed a night nanny, her first night was last night for my 3 day old baby.

I was awake and heard my baby start crying (only just started) so I popped into her to check how things were going and she was getting out of bed and looked at baby as I was approaching and said 'oh, your baby has been sick'. He had been sick in his moses basket and she hadn't heard as she had been asleep. [I think he had been sick as we had agreed that she give him one formula feed in the night and I would do breastfeed at other times and she had given him 100ml of forumla - double what he has had so far - is this a bit much for a 3 day old?].

She was due to leave at 7am this morning, it was 7:15 and she hadn't gone to get me and I went in and she was fast asleep and I called her name about 10 times (loudly) before she woke up.

My question - do all night nannies sleep when the baby sleeps? i.e. is this just part of the role... I sort of thought that they may stay awake/watch tv etc or just doze.. not sleep and out for the count.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2010 10:02

agree that your toddler will ALWAYS know you are mum and LOVE you BEST

children can love many people at the same time, think of their love like an elastic band - streching and growing with all the new people they meet

Poledra · 20/04/2010 10:07

Another reassurance that your DC will not confuse you adn the nanny. My children have been with their CM from whenever I went back to work (so at 8.5 months for the earliest return-to-work) and they have no problem with distinguishing us. They run off into her house in the morning quite happily, but come racing to meet me when I collect them in the evening.

Think of it this way - do you love your 16-mo any less now you have the new baby? Of course you don't! Love does not have limits.....

rudy691 · 20/04/2010 10:08

um...sorry for being thick...but you employed a night nanny but you still at home anyway ? what kind of a mother are you when you're getting a nanny for 3 day old baby ? they need a mothers touch not nanny's...

rubyslippers · 20/04/2010 10:11

uncalled for Rudy

A good night nanny can bring the baby to you for all breastfeeds and then help settle the baby afterwards - the more you feed the better your supply will be

have you thought about a post natal doula?

your toddler will calm down - mine was like a tasmanian devil when i bought DD home

LisaD1 · 20/04/2010 10:13

Well, that's nice RUDY691! Very helpful I'm sure! I was just about to post that I didn't think people had been judgey, just offering alternatives/opinions and then up pops you!

Your post is ridiculous!

The op is clearer a mum trying to do her best for BOTH her children/Herself and her family and does not have to explain herself to someone as judgy/bitchy as you.

Now do sod off and crawl back under your rock.

OP - Please ignore the pratt!

rubyslippers · 20/04/2010 10:13

also, have you got any friends that could take your toddler for an hour or two?

I did this with mine and it meant i could go to bed and feed the baby so we all got some rest

it is very early days and things will settle down a lot

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2010 10:14

thats out of order rudy!!!

as ruby said a good nn can be a godsend to some mums and you do whatever you can to get through those first sleepless weeks

rudy691 · 20/04/2010 10:17

just my opinion - which clearly i'm entitled to.

"mum trying to do her best for BOTH" - don't think so really...dont know the background of her situation, so my opinion is based only on what she wrote.

rudy691 · 20/04/2010 10:18

Blondeshavemorefun - its not like I don't have a baby...know the drill...

BlameItOnTheBogey · 20/04/2010 10:23

Then read all her posts in this thread rudy and not just the op.

OP, I have a three month old and a 19 month old. It does get easier I promise. Good luck.

rubyslippers · 20/04/2010 10:23

I think a woman who has had a c-section, a toddler and can afford some help should bloody well take it

it just has to be the right sort of help and this nanny sounds awful

if i could have afforded it, i would have hired a night nanny

5DollarShake · 20/04/2010 10:24

Rudy - why don't you try to offer some constructive advice, instead of sitting in judgement on a Mum who has just had a newborn, and a c-sec, and has a toddler and PND to cope with?

How nasty.

newmummy - please don't take any notice of posts like this.

Sassybeast · 20/04/2010 10:28

I'd definately get rid of the night nanny - I'd expect a night nanny to be awake rather than asleep or dozing. Being paid to sleep is taking the piss! Definately see about getting some hlp during the day - either to amuse your 16mth old, or allow you to sleep, or to mind the baby whilst you spend some quality time with your toddler. Congratulations on your new baby - hard woek at the minute but this stage WILL pass!

GooseyLoosey · 20/04/2010 10:29

I have a 15 month age gap between mine. I too had a problem with the older child rejecting me when the younger was born. It passed in time and the only thing to do was to keep offering the older child unconditional love and attention until they were prepared to accept it.

Whilst feeding the baby, I used to tell stories. Ds got to pick what he wanted to be in the story and then I made one up - he was usually in them too. We had (and still have) long running series with some characters in and I still tell ds the stories when he is upset about something. I think it helped to make us closer again.

nannyj · 20/04/2010 10:34

When i had my baby i loved the first few weeks, it didn't matter that she woke up at 4 in the morning because she would settle again and we could carry on sleeping until we felt like getting up. But i am a single parent so had no one else to look after or cook for and it was my first baby so we could suit ourselves completely.

If i was in your position OP i would def get help in the day for your toddler so you can recover from your CS. A mother's help or temp nanny could also take baby out for a walk as well and help with a bit of housework. This will leave you able to recover and rest which will help your milk supply so it's a win win.

Keep us updated if you can and best of luck!

StarExpat · 20/04/2010 10:36

Ok, I stand corrected. I said people weren't being judgy. They weren't... until Rudy came along with her enormous sense of entitlement. Yes, you are entitled to your opinions. You can say what you want. It's just about social skills in this case and knowing the appropriate time and place to express those opinions.

Ignore her, OP. I still think a daytime help would help you out more - especially if you wake when the baby does anyway or want to bf through the night. You need some help and rest during the long day with a toddler and a newborn. Someone to do some cleaning, play with toddler, hold the baby...etc.

Booh · 20/04/2010 11:22

OK I am going to ignore all the nasty goings on

But as a childcarer who first started as a nanny 15+ years ago, I can tell you that a night nanny can work.

I would never 'sleep' I would ask for a comfy chair (nursing chair was fine and most people seemed to have them) more often than not I would just read / shut my eyes and rest.

As for a breastfed baby, I would take the baby to the mum in bed, or to the bedroom door for a hand over, and wait to be called to collect the baby.

If you need help, and have the funds then why not make it easier for yourself.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 20/04/2010 11:31

Rudy - in real life, do you say whatever you want to people, even if you know it will hurt or offend them? I doubt it, somehow.

Having had PND myself three times, I think that the OP is doing the right thing by getting some help at this point - especially having had a caesarian.

I wouldn't be happy with a night nanny who didn't hear the baby being sick or crying - I have cared for a friend's baby overnight on a few occasions (I lodged with her, the baby was bottle fed but woke very very early, and I said I'd do the odd night to give her and her husband a break). On the nights when I wasn't looking after the baby, I never heard him, but on the nights when I was looking after him, I always woke for him - subconsciously I knew I had a responsibility.

I would suggest having the help during the day - someone who can do some of the housework and heavy stuff, and who could look after the baby from time to time, to give you time to spend with your ds. And perhaps the baby could give him a present - we did that with each of ours, and it did help them accept the new arrival.

Take care of yourself, newmummy, and I wish you many happy times with your little ones.

IndigoSky · 20/04/2010 11:38

I have been in a similar sitaution to the OP. I had a 12 month old who didn't sleep through the night and a preemie newborn who screamed the whole time. It was hideous. Every sympathy to you OP.

Can I suggest:

Get rid of the night nanny

Get a mothers help to come in every day from 8 - 1. She can keep on top of the cleaning, washing and ironing. A tidy house really helps when you are struggling to keep on top of things and will make a big difference to you mentally ime. Get someone who likes children and who can play with the 16 month old whilst you feed/change the baby.

Speak to your local college about child care courses and find out if any of their students would be available to help you out at teatime/bath time /bedtime (say from 5 - 7). This is a really hard time of the day with 2 very small children and is less daunting with a bit of help.

Keep in touch with friends and try to get out if you can every day or at least have friends over.

Go easy on yourself. Take it a day at a time. It does get easier. My dc are 5 and 4 and a total and utter delight. The close age gap now makes things so much easier and they are best friends.

Good luck.

redwhiteandblue · 20/04/2010 11:41

Did you hire the nanny through nightnannies, I had a couple of shockers from them and I had to fire both and had my agency fee refunded. One complained because my baby had given her a rough night! Er, hello ...

Imo, night nannying is a dodgy area, most nannies are doing it to make a quick buck and are pretty useless. Agree, get a doula or mother's help asap, so you can sleep in the day. Good luck, OP, it's hard but you will get through this

StarExpat · 20/04/2010 11:42

Where are you located? Maybe someone on here could help or I might know someone who could do Mother's help, too - depending on where you are?

Lulumaam · 20/04/2010 11:48

did the nanny bring the baby to you for breastfeeds in the night?

i think you'ev had some brilliant advice

i would echo the suggestion of a post natal doula.. they will help with your toddler, help you with breastfeeding suport, do some light household chores and cooking... basically, give you the freedom to rest, establish brestfeeding and have a little energy to do something with your toddler

if you give formula at night esepcially at this early stage, you are running the risk of scuppering breastfeeding, you have more prolactin at night and this will help establish your supply/demand cycle

sounds terribly unproffesional, i would be pursuing a refund and complaining if you got her via an agency

to look for post natal doula -
www.doula.org.uk

and

www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

there are a number of doulas on MN, who have been used by other MNers, if you are looking for a recommendation

grapeandlemon · 20/04/2010 11:49

Fire this nanny she sounds bonkers with the formula and sleeping through sickness please complain.

I think you need to employ a Mother's help/ doula instead.

littleducks · 20/04/2010 11:50

Oh dear, wish I could come round and help it sounds like its all getting a bit much and I remember the 'overwhelmed' feeling. FGS you had a baby 3 days ago, you are entitled to be feeling knackered and confused.

I had a 22 mo when ds was born and she did have a bit of trouble adjusting. But it passes so quickly and then they cant even remember when the baby wasnt there.

Fire the night nanny.

If you really you feel you want/need one i would get another one, it is going to be no use to you if you are still lying awake worrying about the baby.

I would second/third/tenth the spending money on cleaning etc. Buy a whole load of frozen meals from cook (I think their kids fish pie is great, ypour 16 mo will like kids meals and they arent junky)

If you can get a lively nanny/mothers help to come and do fun stuff the 16 mo will enjoy that, painting/junk modelling etc.

And dont worry at all if you have to stick cbeebies on!

StarExpat · 20/04/2010 11:53

agree with Lulumaam. I took similar advice from her when ds was tiny, when she was lulumama and I was a different name as well, because dr kept telling us to give him formula for low blood sugar. It did nothing but interfere, especially in early days. I ended up bf for 13 months thanks to her fabulous posts, so I'd listen to her

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