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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Depressed nanny

91 replies

KatyH · 14/12/2009 11:30

Hello,

we've had our nanny for about 3 months now. It turns out she is depressed and tried to hurt herself yesterday. She is off sick today and going to see the doctor. I'm worried that due to financial pressures she will try to come back to work when she isn't really fit to. Does anyone know whether I can force her to get signed off?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nannyl · 14/12/2009 11:55

Surely her DOCTOR will decide weather or not she is fit to work, not you?

Original poster

KatyH · 14/12/2009 11:58

I'm not convinced. The girl isn't well and has been getting worse. All her doctor has done is upped her ADs. He asked her the last time if she wanted a sick line and she said no.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 14/12/2009 12:02

I have a lot of sympathy with the OP. A nanny in sole charge has a lot of responsibility for the emotional well-being of her charges - her mental state needs to be excellent. I have no idea of the legalities of this, but I don't think that depression in a nanny is quite the same as depression in an office worker for the purposes of being "fit to work".

nannyl · 14/12/2009 12:03

well in all honesty i cant see how you as her employer have any say in what her Dr and her decide to do, because quite simply (wether or not right or fair) her health issues are none of your buisness and im sure her Dr. cant discuss with you!

nannyl · 14/12/2009 12:05

of course you could offer her a bit of time off on full pay if you think it would help her?

Original poster

KatyH · 14/12/2009 12:13

Her health is absolutely my business. The girl tried to kill herself! Would you leave her in sole charge of your children? She isn't fit to work and I don't want financial issues to cloud what is the best thing to do, for her and my children.

And no, we can't give her time off on full pay because quite simply we don't have the money.

OP posts:

ninamag · 14/12/2009 12:16

The question is, do you want her to be in sole charge of your children? Do you trust her? Is she good at her job? I have much sympathy for your nanny but at the end of the day do you want her back? I know I am going to get flamed for this. Personally if I was talking about my children I would want to know that she could cope and that the children enjoyed being with her.

Runs off to hide....

MrsWobble · 14/12/2009 12:19

if she has worked for you for less than one year you can end the employment for any reason without complication. you need to give her notice as set out in your contract. this gives you the hassle of finding a new nanny but if you don't feel happy with her looking after your children this is probably the best thing to do.

Original poster

KatyH · 14/12/2009 12:21

If she can get her depression under control I would have no problem keeping her on. However, at the moment I would be very unhappy at the thought of leaving her with them. I don't think she would hurt them, but I can't be sure she wouldn't try to hurt herself.

OP posts:

Kaloki · 14/12/2009 12:30

Could you talk to her about it, and suggest she takes time to get better? Let her know that you appreciate her and want to keep her on, hopefully then she'll feel reassured enough to take a break and get the depression more under control.

Original poster

KatyH · 14/12/2009 12:41

I have already encouraged her to take time off and told her that her job will be waiting for her when she's ready. However, she would only get SSP and I think she's worried about money. I totally understand why she wouldn't want to but it's got to the stage now where I really feel like she can't work until she gets things sorted out. I don't have enough knowledge about benefits and things to know if she would qualify for any other help. It's a tough one. I don't want to make life anymore difficult for her (which financial worries would undoubtedly do) but I can't sacrifice my children's welfare either.

OP posts:

nannyl · 14/12/2009 12:54

Katy you are in such a difficult position.

I really hope for your and your childrens sake that her doctor signs her off sick.

Kaloki · 14/12/2009 12:56

That's really good you are looking out for her. Her doctor should sign her off, my doctor signed me off and got me into therapy for self harm. Sounds like she really needs a break to recuperate.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/12/2009 13:06

if your nanny get get the help/medication she needs then once sorted hopefully she will be capable of looking after your children

many mums/nannies/other professionals are on anti p's

how did she hurt herslf, slashing wrists/tablets etc - did she mean it or is it a call for help and didnt mean to really kill herself

agree you are in a tricky postiton, obv your childrena safe well being are no 1, but you feel you cant upset your nanny INCASE she does anything else

if gp does sign her off till NY - could you cope without her/childcare and would you feel you can trust her once she comes back?

Danthe4th · 14/12/2009 13:21

Is she ofsted registered because this is one condition that is notifiable to them.

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 13:25

Did she try and hurt herself at home?

I think you have to put your children first, however that works out.

Millarkie · 14/12/2009 13:30

Can she take a couple of weeks as holiday or has she used up all her allowance? That would give her a bit of time to get her ad dose right.

IQuibbleThereforeIAm · 14/12/2009 13:39

I'm afraid unsympathetic as this will sound, I would not want this girl looking after my child.

If she has just tried to kill herself then she needs serious help and I would be very concerned about her ability to cope with taking care of children all day.

PotPourri · 14/12/2009 13:46

Yes it's unsympathetic, and it's the last thing this poor girl needs right now. But the fact is, the trust is gone. And your children's safety needs to come first - for you. Personally I would serve the notice and offer to let her take her holidays before the notice starts too to give her a bit of extra time.

Original poster

KatyH · 14/12/2009 13:53

I've just spoken to her. She didn't give me too many details, just said she used a pair of scissors. I think it was a cry for help and she seems to have given herself a bit of a fright. She's a poor soul who hasn't had the best start in life and hasn't received any help for what has happened to her. I just hope she gets the help she needs now. The doctor has changed her ADs and she is only getting a week's worth at a time. She also has to see a counsellor every week. She has also been signed off until the christmas holidays so that's good news. Apparently her mum had to talk her into accepting it and I'm very glad she did. Hopefully, those few weeks will be enough to get her back on track.

We'll see what the new year brings. The question of trust is a good one that I'm not sure I can answer yet. Dh has spoken to a legal adviser and he says we can request a medical report from her doctor. This should tell us one way or another whether she is fit to work. If she refuses to allow this then the lawyer says we have good grounds to dismiss as she has not provided any evidence to refute the concerns that she's unfit to work. Gah, not sure how I feel about that, hopefully it won't come to that.

P.S. We're in Scotland so OFSTED doesn't operate. Only nanny agencies have to be registered with the Care Commission here.

OP posts:

LeninGrotto · 14/12/2009 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaloki · 14/12/2009 14:07

Obviously I can't speak for your nanny, but for me anti-d's helped dramatically, and right now I'm no risk to anyone at all.

Also in the majority of cases with self harm they are hugely unlikely to harm another person, and almost as unlikely to commit/attempt suicide (self harm and suicide aren't usually the same thing). But obviously it's understandable that you don't want your kids to be looked after by someone who is in such a state at the moment.

Really hope things sort themselves out, for you and her. It's such a difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like you are handling it in the best way possible.

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 14:08

Some of what you have said could have described my lifer. I was a fantastic nanny and my upbringing never inpacted on my work with the children. Having my own children did that.

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 14:09

life obviously, not lifer

LeninGrotto · 14/12/2009 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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