Depressed nanny

[KatyH]

Hello,

we've had our nanny for about 3 months now. It turns out she is depressed and tried to hurt herself yesterday. She is off sick today and going to see the doctor. I'm worried that due to financial pressures she will try to come back to work when she isn't really fit to. Does anyone know whether I can force her to get signed off?

Hello Callaird. How are you?????

It had me wondering something too!

It's only just come back to me.

If you have depression, which is, when all is said and done, a mental health problem, do you have to disclose it at interview?

Katy mentions The Disability Discrimination Act I'm not sure if this is just a lawful act in Scotland or in Britain too but if you didn't know when you hired someone, would it still stand?

Again, Katy, I really don't know what to suggest, it's a horrible situation to be in, I would spend my entire time out of the house worrying about my children and calling home to check all is well for the forseeable future and so not getting much work done, which would then jepodise my job. But I also feel for the poor nanny, I realise that depression is an illness, she doesn't want it! But your children come first at the end of the day.

AN - I am good thanks. Working hard! Studying too. Working on Guernsey for 6 months for an old employer.

Hope you are all well and thea Father Christmas is very generous this year!

xx

poor you and poor, poor her.I can only say that If I was you I would try to be a good friend to her but get another nanny. I couldnt leave her in charge of my children in your place, too much fo a risk..

good luck to you

UK Gov site re Depression / DDAct

I have been in exactly this situation - it's a nightmare. Nanny who had worked for us for 2.5 years, very much a part of the family, depressed, several attempts at self harm, no family in the uk so we were only support, told her psychiatrist that she would kill herself if she didnt have this job. She was hospitalised for a short time. We were very much involved by her care team as she had no one else.

I felt unable to take the risk of her killing herself if we let her go - plus legally wasn't sure if we could. Luckily I was working from home at the time so able to see how she was with the kids and only let them out of my sight for short periods. It was a horrible anxious time.

She has stabilised and my children adore her, she is and always was professional and competent. But it is still always "there".

You have my utmost sympathies and to be honest if I could have ended her employment I would have but I just couldnt cope with what I might have to live with if we rejected her and she had killed herself.

With the benefit of time passing and certainly if I had been out of the house during the day I think I might have acted differently.

Good luck

God, I am so worried now. I gave her the benefit of the doubt about the arm incident because I find it hard to trust, so I thought I was being my usual suspicious self when I found myself forensically examining dd's arm. Hearing others express the same doubts has made me feel ill but it has also persuaded me we can't have her back.

I'm thinking of just sending the girls back to nursery and making her redundant. Aside from all that's recently happened, I never really wanted a nanny and it has proven much more expensive than we bargained for. It was also intended to solve my erratic attendance at work due to childcare issues but if anything they have got worse! I have no idea if that is considered a genuine reason for making someone redundant but I don't care anymore. I've had enough stress over the last year with dd2 being unwell, I refuse to pay through the nose for the privilege of someone else's daughter putting me through the wringer. Sorry if that sounds harsh . I genuinely feel for the girl, we've known her for a couple of years now and I wish her no harm but all in all it just hasn't worked out. I need to put the girls first.

"I have no idea if that is considered a genuine reason for making someone redundant"

That shouldn't be a problem as you will technically be making the position redundant, rather than her.

Kaloki, do you need to provide reasons for redundancy?

Also, Kitsilano, thank you for relaying your experiences. It's good to hear because I'm totally at a loss as to how to behave in this situation and I don't know what's right or wrong. I can imagine if I was reading this thread I would also be saying 'just get rid' but in real life it's not so easy. I'm so glad things have worked out for you.

I believe you can just say that the position is no longer required and give the usual months notice. She hasn't been with you a year, so you aren't obliged to give her a redundancy package either.

ps. If I'm wrong about this then there's a company that owes me a damn good explanation

If you decide to send your children back to nursery then the nann yposition no longer exists and you can make her redundant. In fact, I think this would give you a very amicable way to end things. You could tell the nanny that that this has all cost you much more than you bargained and for. And while you love her you simply can manage as an employer, and are returning to the nursery.

This is all very sad. Poor nanny. ANd poor you. Having a nanny should have made your life easier but it appears to have crumbled in your lap making thisng far more stressful.

Good luck to both of you.

I think you are doing the right thing for your girls. But, it still won't be any fun to tell nanny what you have decided.

((((hugs))))

If I were you I would do the nursery thing for a few months to give yourself time to reflect on the way forward. Definitely the easiest exit route and the one I would take.

We had a nanny with serious health issues of the sort that would affect her fitness to look after children, and I had loads of time off work too. (Our first nanny had some too, come to think of it.) Since then, as part of any interview, I have tended to ask people: "Do you have any health issues we would need to accommodate if you came to work for us?" which I have been advised is okay? Obviously you have to be careful, but my great great concern based on our previous experience is that I could end up hiring someone who has a problem which, it could be construed, our job made worse.

You not only can ask for the consultant's notes but you may be required to before you let her come back to work for certain conditions - not sure if this would include depression. I guess this falls under the 'duty of care' you have as her employer.

Someone from your HR department may be able to advise you on this.

Thanks Harriet, that's good to know. I'm not sure I'll be ready to go down the nanny route again any time soon but if we do I will definitely ask more robust questions at interview! I'm also glad it's not just us. Everyone else I know who has had a nanny seems to have employed a lovely Mrs Doubtfire character...where do I find someone like that?!!

One of the questions on my questionnaire (which they complete before I interview them) is how many times have you been sick in the last year and what was the illness?

Katy

How did this turn out for you? I am in a very similar position now and not sure what to do? Would appreciate any advice.

I was depressed whilst nannying. I self-harmed but never attempted suicide. I wasn't on ADs at the time, and as far as I know, the parents never knew. I gave my job 100% and only struggled out of work. I think you need to be very careful as to the reasons behind her doing this ie a suicide attempt (first? or has she attempted it before) or self-harm (and if it is, how long has she been doing it).