Prof sleep trainer / night nanny needed for 10-month old - any recommendations or interest?

[SalLikesCoffee]

Our ds (10 months old) is waking up various times a night. This coming week is horrendous at work for both dh and myself, so I'm looking for a night nanny.

I'm now thinking I might as well combine both - so instead of someone just helping with his night wakings (which is normally solved with a pick-up / tapping / formula milk feeds), get someone who does this kind of sleep training for a living.

I know I really should have started coaching him into sleeping through anyway, but as I'm not into controlled crying at all, thought I'll just leave it to sort itself out in a couple of months. However, we can't really cope with not sleeping this coming week, so am rather desperate!

Please help!

(PS: Not sure whether this was supposed to go in sleeping, so please feel free to shout if so.)

Oh, and my toddler still wakes up pretty much every bloody night and hasn't been fed at night for nearly 2 years . Usually she gets herself back to sleep but she wakes up an awful lot.

Umlellala - normally babies wake up as they are used to being fed, but obv in you case this isnt it

if you are training a baby not to wake up for feeds, it may take a week or 2 to get baby into a routine of not waking/feeding - yes you comfort/soothe them - and it wont be instant, and yes likely to wake up the next night, and night fater that, but will take a lot less time to settle

sal ds was taking 45mins, then down to 10,hopefully in a nother few days, he wont wake at all

what happenes when your dd wakes - do you go in and talk,play,comfort her?

you said she normally gets her self back to sleep?

How often does she wake up?

maybe she is too hot or cold in room? or possibly having a growth spurt and is hungary, try having a little snack before bedtime of rice cakes/banana etc

Oh my dd takes no time to settle even if she does need us - but I don't get why she still wakes up. Maybe hunger... Given up trying to find a cause, really. Just curious about sleep-training (especially external sleep-training) as IME everyone I know (from both extremes) has kids that wake up. A lot.

do you always go into her?

maybe dont go in and see what happenes - will she still settle

when you sleep train, you dont immed rush in once they start crying

does sound like she has got herself into a bit of routine of keep waking up

!!!

yes, she is nearly 3 so we often ignore her til she comes to us now.

i think she still needs us tbh (happy to ignore her while i mumsnet though ).

i do think my dd has got into a habit - which i am too knackered to sort.i did two weeks of a rapid-return-stylie consistency - nope. she still wakes (though better). but honestly, everyone i know has crazy waking babies then toddlers (for a variety of 'reasons' - it WAS teething/growth spurts/development, now it's siblings/illness/changes/nightmares). and i know lots of people who did sleep-training and lots of people who didn't.

just don't think there is a 'magic solution'. or should be. they are children after all.

Umlellala - I would say most of the babies and toddler I know/have known do sleep through the night. I would expect the majority of children to sleep through the night from 6-12 months tbh. My current 2 year old charge I assume sleeps through (at least his mum hasn't mentioned any waking) and my previous toddler charge slept 12 hours and had done so since about 8 months. As had the previous three. Obviously every child has some bad nights when they are ill, have a nightmare etc and do wake and need comforting.

The only family I have worked for that had a toddler that was a consistent bad sleeper had (by their own admission) allowed her to develop bad habits. She would only fall asleep with an adult next to her, so when she woke in the night could not settle herself - and then she was taken into her parents bad. In contrast they had sleep trained her older brother when he was about 9 months old and he slept through the vast majority of the time since then.

We all sleep in cycles of deep sleep and near-wakefulness throughout the night. Children (and probably adults too) do wake up at points during the night, but the aim is to teach the child to settle themselves.

i agree with tankie and most babies should be sleeping through night by 12/16weeks ifno night nanny/mn and babies in a good routine

but

many parents still want to feed and get woken up in middle of night, and thats fine,as long as you are happy to

sounds to me that your daughter ahs got into bad habbits, if she is ignored, she comes into your room and wakes you up

i know you are tired, but if you want to crack this, you need to take firm action

i have said many times before, that by 2 weeks i have cracked the most stubborn child (one who woke pratically once a hour, and slept in parents bed and wouldnt go to sleep without being cuddles/held etc) and he was 2.5

i do think my dd has got into a habit - which i am too knackered to sort.i did two weeks of a rapid-return-stylie consistency

it will be hard but start again, ignore your child,if they come into your room, then 1st time say im putting you back to bed, its the middle of the night etc,next time say this is the last time i am talking to youand next tme i will just take you back to bed, and then 3rd time, take by hand,led back into bed and leave room

yes babies/todddlers do sometimes wake up if teething,ill,cold etc but the average child should be able to sleep 7-7

well, that's your opinion.
you are talking to me as if i am an idiot.

i could easily 'crack' my child ffs. but i don't want to. two weeks of 'cracking' style showed me that she just ain't ready for what i wanted her to do - she can self-settle and she sometimes sleeps all night, but would much rather have us.
she is a complete delight and i'd like to keep her that way. i happily have her with me because she is my daughter. i am tired because i have a 6mth old who is teething.

'do sometimes wake up if teething, ill, cold etc'... and there's the rub.

shouldn't have got on to this thread . sorry all. will walk away.

sorry Umlellala - didnt mean to upset or offend you - I am not talking to you as if you are an idiot - you asked for some advice and I gave you some ( if you dont like it or want to do it, then that is your porogative) xx

regarding "cracking"

i just did what the parents wanted me to - and was to get their child to sleep through the night - and it was actually the mum who said that i had cracked her child - not me

Why oh why do parents need complete strangers to tell them how to 'train' their child. They aren't animals you know!!!

I really wish I hadn't read this thread

NO-ONE IS SAYING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LIKE ANIMALS.
Yes, I did mean to shout that as I think that last comment was not needed. Parents who use night nannies/sleep trainers generally just need a little guidance+in my experience, reassurance. Everyone needs unbroken sleep, I myself only sleep 3 hours a night, I've been to a sleep trainer myself - how is it any different? I think that their will always be differing views but there is no need to be to venomous about a parents need for unbroken sleep!

If parents are happy getting up in the night or having children in their bed I think that is fine - there are lots of different styles of childrearing and different ones work for different families! BUT, some parents aren't happy with their child's sleep habits and want to change them, and sometimes they need outside help to do that, there's nothing wrong with that either.

I guess the point it, babies can be sleeping through the night from six months, if you want to do what's necessary to achieve that. If you want to co-sleep or feed through the night etc, they probably won't sleep through. But if the parents are happy and the child is loved then neither is better than the other.

what tankie said.

and for what it's worth, i have really valued the reassurance given by those on this thread as i think about how to deal with my gorgeous 5 month old who simply doesn't need to feed every 2 hours through the night anymore and the resulting total exhaustion i am feeling.

it's not about asking strangers for help and doing whatever they tell me in total isolation. it's about talking it through with people who've been through it before, alongside talking to people in RL, alongside my own view on how to deal with it.

i just don't understand why some people on mn assume that asking for advice on geting more sleep means i must be a) stupid, and b) view my child as an animal??

all that said, last night, with a few cuddles from his dad, my little treasure went back off to sleep at 12.30am and 2.30am without food. i fed at 4am and he slept until 8am.

and we are all much better for it today.

Umlella - I think your view that most children wake up through the night - even into toddlerhood - is very different to a lot of people. My view is that by the age of 8 months most children are sleeping through.

In my own experience my dd slept through (as in 10pm - 6/7am) from 6 weeks old and my ds from 6 months old. Neither of them through sleep training - dd was just a very easy baby and ds was a bit older because he just took a bit longer to be ready to sleep all night.

As a nanny I have helped 2 families get their lo's to sleep through - one was a year old and the other was 3. The parents and I managed to do this without using controlled crying - it's not that I don't believe in it but we tried different methods first which worked. As others have said, waking in the night after 6 months is a habit and it is not a good one if it means the parents are frazzled the next day.

Oooohhh kaaayyyy, This has gone a bit nasty.

As I'm the OP I just want to assure everyone that I love my little boy more than anything in the world, and would never, ever do anything if I thought it would harm him. He is my life, after all, why oh why would I not want the best for him.

After much thought (well, 10 months to be exact), I have come to the conclusion that he most likely could benefit with unbroken sleep, and most certainly, so could we. Obviously we really really wanted it, but, if I thought it would harm him or make him insecure / sad, would I have asked for help on something I always considered would sort itself out? Of course not, what a silly and utterly judgemental stance to take! Honestly.

I think if I weren't such an overprotective first-time mom, I probably wouldn't have needed to do this, as:
a) I probably wouldn't have jumped up the second he made any kind of sound whatsoever from birth,
b) I probably wouldn't have rocked him to sleep all the time (but it was so nice

So yes, I think I had to do something, as it was me that made him dependent on me to sleep.

I find it rather upsetting people coming on here slagging of my parenting skills for doing what I think is good. Fair enough to differ, but to come on someone else's thread, where they ask for advice (this isn't in AIBU btw), and then say how uncaring they are towards their chidren, is a little uncalled for imo.

Btw, he's sleeping great now, and just as giggly and open as before. And when I go to his room when he wakes at 6 - 7am (I don't care about that, it's morning after all), he laughs when he sees me.

Anyway. Feel free to abuse away, I've said my bit.

wtmc - well done for resisiting to feed at both those times,and fab that you cut down form 3 feeds to one - and you didnt distress your child either

sal - glad your gorgeous cute cuddly son is sleeping much better now - and it only took a few days

Thanks, Blondes. Your advice was great and very much appreciated.

Looking back now, I don't really know why, but I had this idea that "sleep training" was really leaving your poor baby to scream their lungs out, for them to be so exhausted that they think they might as well sleep, as no-one loves them anymore anyway... I was so afraid it would be a case of them sleeping through once the trust in broken. Don't really know why, as my friends that had babies sleeping through were all brilliant parents that would do anything for their children, and I have read up a bit (and some advice from friends when asked on how), so knew it was a bit irrational to refuse to consider it for so long. I just kind of thought if I were to do it, it would feel like torture to him.

Looking back to the last week now, it is such a relief to see it wasn't the case at all. He also sleeps better in the day now, and isn't so tired in the morning, so that's great in my books.

sleep training doesn't have to be heart breaking.

I have just finished with a family. When I started, the 4 week old baby was being held all night every night by his exhausted parents due to reflux.

He slept though (8pm - 6am) for the first time the night he turned 12 weeks old. This didn't involve leaving him to cry for ages (as i can't bear that) but gentle "nudges" in the right place at the right time.

Unfortunately, it is much harder to get a 6 month and over to sleep through as they have developed their own ideas about sleep and what they will and won't accept.

welcome sal - glad my advice helped you

obv sleep training isnt leaving the child to scream theirself to sleep - but to help them get back to sleep unaided

yes the child will cry a bit,but no night nanny will let the child get completley unconsolable(sp)

we are there to HELP parents who need some help with their child

but we can only help those parents that want us to help

It won't work otherwise

As a staunch bf-on-demand-type-person I have to say I know Sal personally and I don't think the negative remarks on this thread are helpful to anyone. Baby or Mum.

This is not a 'ooh-lets-ignore-the-baby-so-we-can-get-some-sleep' type problem, but more a 'fuck-I've-tried-everything-and-I
-am-really-desperate-for-a-little-bit-of-help-plus-he-is-my-PFB-so-I'm-scared-of-fucking-up-bigtim e' type moment.

Sal. I know you're trying to do your best for R.
Sometimes it's really hard. I know you're not BFing anymore so it's not the same, but at this age we would recommend 'don't offer, don't refuse' which might work if you can find a way to settle him without any form of milk?

VS, thank you. Means a lot hearing that.

The 'don't offer, don't refuse' is probably what would have sorted this earlier if I was bfing - with a bottle it was just so easy for dh or myself to just offer the bottle when he cried (various times throughout the night!), he'd take a couple of (obviously comfort) sips and then go straight back to sleep. I think he ended up not knowing how to sleep without it, and that was hard to "unlearn".

I think the fact that he's out of this habit now is what makes all the difference. I don't mind comforting him if he's just sad at night, but it is great that this isn't happening ALL the time anymore.

I should probably not celebrate too early, but it just feels like such a great improvement to us all.

Oi Sal - how goes it this morning? Hope all OK. Ignore negatives on this thread they don't know what they are talking about as they do not know you. I do, and know R is very lucky to have such a fab caring Mum

Sal

As long as you and your baby are happy, keep doing what you're doing.

There will always be someone telling you that what you're doing is wrong. How do they know what is right for your baby?

You have been given some good advice and it's working.

Relax and enjoy your baby because it doesn't last very long!