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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au pair not working out

135 replies

geisha · 19/09/2008 08:01

Having our first au pair is not workingout for me. I find it intrusive having someone else in the house and stressful having to consider someone else (I did't think I would). She is nice enough - some small inadequecies but to be honest if I wanted her to stay I would work at addressing those issues so it is unfair to list them. I just feel like I have another child to consider/cook for/worry about..... and don't need it.

She has only been here since Saturday but already I know it is not for me..... I will of course pay for her flight home and give her reasonable notice but please give me some advice about how to address this and when? Thanks.....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Simply · 07/10/2008 19:15

englishspringer If she is expecting to come on holiday with you next week and to be with you for weeks or months after that then you need to be fair to her and tell her that it's not working out and that you'd like her to leave. As for whether she'll take the children to school as normal or take the huff and refuse or run away taking your valuables with her or whatever, I don't know! My 1st (am on my 2nd) ap was not a good ap but I didn't ask her to find another family was because of the awkwardness of how to tell her and what to do in the meantime 'til she found another ap job. I just gritted my teeth until she went home though I can see that's just not possible for you. Can you ask another parent who has children at the school to do the school run for the rest of the week? Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Original poster

geisha · 07/10/2008 19:46

no worries phraedd - she has found another family I think.

OP posts:

cheapskatemum · 07/10/2008 23:01

englishspringer - is yours Turkish? She sounds like one we had a few months back. She found herself another family, then 3 weeks later another family phoned for a ref! Her 3rd family in 3 months!

englishspringer · 08/10/2008 10:21

not Turkish french. Never had a problem with a french girl before.
So this morning she goes downstairs and gets her breakfast - i put all the stuff on the table the night before on a tray so everyone just has to get bowl, plate etc. DS1 is getting dressed, i am getting DS2 dressed. DS1 comes upstairs with NO school jumper. so the Ap is meant to set his clothes out for him in a pile so he can get himself dressed. i tell DS1 to ask AP where it is - her reply 'i am eating breakfast, i don't know' - i find it he goes downstairs comes up crying the AP won't help him get his bowl from under the others. so i go down and say can you please get his bowl for him (baring in mind it is next to her) so that he can have his breakfast. she scowls and then starts slamming bowls, knives etc. around like a petulent child.
AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
she has it so good - she does a max of 15 hrs per week - she only has to lay clothes out for DS1, iron his school clothes (i do the rest) and change his bed once per week - that is it! she is just so RUDE and just thinks that the house is like a hotel.
please tell me that her behaviour is not acceptable and that i am not being unreasonable

DadInsteadofMum · 08/10/2008 10:53

YANBU - sit down with her now and tell her that it is over and that is a good example of why.

Bettyboobird · 08/10/2008 10:55

englishspringer-my AP is a little like yours in some respects. For example, she sent dd1 to school yesterday in her jeans because she 'couldn't find' her tights to go with her pinafore, even though I have shown her umpteen times where the tights are kept!

Also , with regards to food and eating, she comes down at dinnertime to eat with us, often a different meal to the rest of us as she is quite fussy but can't cook, and then just takes her own plate into the kitchen and disappears upstairs- she's never done the clearing away or washing up after a meal. I think it's selfish, but put it down to the fact that she's never lived away from home before so perhaps isn't used to doing things for herself/mucking in with family life.

I have explained to her on many occassions that although she finishes work at 1pm, she should still offer to do things around the house, as she is another adult living in it. It goes in one ear and out the other to be honest!

I put up with it though because she is a good-natured girl, is good with the children (although her and dd1 are both very stubborn in their characters so they are often falling out lol!), and her main role here is childcare. I've given up expecting her to chip in with other things!

whooosh · 08/10/2008 10:58

Englishspringer-she has to go.
I am a non-confrontational sort of person and I know hard it can be but youcan't have someone you don't like living in your house.

whooosh · 08/10/2008 11:00

Well this may sound cruel but I wouldn't leave her in the house while you are away.Would let her do school run till Friday and in the meantime book (and pay for ) a flight home on the Friday evening or Saturday morning.

googgly · 08/10/2008 13:29

English - if it helps. My horrible au pair decided on her own to leave, and arranged a flight for a Sunday without bothering to agree a suitable day with me. I told her she would have to be out of the house on Friday morning as we're away for the weekend. She freaked out. I have taken time off work to collect the children for the last few days so she will never be alone with them as I don't trust her at all. I doubt she'll run off with my possessions now as she wants cash and I'm not paying until she goes. Don't know of course though.

You should for sure tell her to go. You should also tell her that her behaviour is abominable and that is why you are making her leave. I agree with whoosh - buy her a plane ticket and tell her what time she should be out of the front door.

englishspringer · 08/10/2008 16:03

yippeeee my DH has just phoned and even before we had to speak with her she told us she is going - but get this she wants to come to Centerparcs next week and then she will go when we get back - like hell!
She told him that we were a good family and not horrible but that she just did not want to be an AP because she did not like children. not just ours but any and she thought this experience might change her but she doesn't like the fact that they rely on her for help - she thinks that mothers should only have one child (i am preg with 3rd so she is lucky i wasn't there) and that the child should sit down and be quiet - NICE
thanks foe all the advice - never had one like this B4 - all others have helped out, chipped in etc. think she is just a little strange
anyone got an AP going?

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