New Au Pair expects to go to language class every day -

[starbucksaholic]

Am I being unreasonable to say 'no way, once a week' - au pair now in tears (for second time in 2 days since she arrived) about this, not sure how much to stand my ground. Help?!

ah, nowire, can you name that international charter, pls? if it is the one I think it is, it is not binding in the UK, as you alluded to. With the increasing number of new EU countries, the aupair market has moved on somewhat.

Anna, I would admit I have no experience with private language course aupairs, despite being in an area with at least 3-4 private language schools. I did place an ad in all those schools for an aupair in September, but no one responded except one who expected her pocket money to cover her course fees. And another student who responded to my ad on aupairworld but then tried to talk me into paying/subsidising her course fees.

Like I said, each aupair and each family has their requirements. An aupair who needs to attend English language courses every day (particularly if it would conflict with the afternoon school pick up) would have a much smaller pool of families to choose from who would be able to accommodate such an arrangement. Just a question of matching the requirements, as Anna, I am sure you do in your voluntary role.

Personally I don't think there is anything "dreadful" about requiring some standards of people in whose care I leave my children

blueshoes - the family:au pair matching business is obviously a complex one.

But - to come back to the OP - if the AP was coming to England on the entirely legitimate understanding that she would be attending regular English language classes, the family does have a responsibility to ensure she can attend these. The family cannot decide unilaterally that the AP is being too demanding for wishing to do so.

ROFL
I think you'll find Anna,....if you actually had an AP... that they spend soooo little time with the dc's (especially in any sort of sole care capacity) that their level of intellectual ability is actually of little consequence. More their ability to push the hoover round occasionally and play a game with dc's while you cook dinner.

I know a lot of APs here and they are nothing like you describe - they all do have sole charge (but then, they have active brains and are responsible sorts of people).

Blueshoes,

I have had 5 French aupairs. One, her French was so good that she didn't sign up for lessons. 2 that were excellent, but signed up for lessons for precision and to make friends. One that was struggling, but fully complemented by my similar level of French. And the fifth is my new aupair - I think her English is fairly hot. So four out of five, near fluent.

As regards the OP, the question is whether the only choice that aupair has is classes everyday. If there is a 3x a week ESOL course that is available, then I believe the family has discharged their duty. Yes, it is probably of lower standards than private courses, but it is bog standard for a whole host of aupairs out there.

I would guess that self-funding private language school aupairs form the minority since in my various attempts to engage aupairs, I only ever had one private language school aupair ever respond to my ad despite my living in an area rich in private language schools and having 100s of aupairs express interest in the role each time.

anna, out of interest, why do the French aps object to all the Eastern European language students?

not sure about all that sole charge Anna.... surely that's....
....exploitation...and the role of a Nanny.

Actually, I think that self-funding au pairs go through different channels - they come from more aspirational families themselves and want to live in similarly aspirational families and don't want to go through the cattle market that is the internet but use more personal/professional/academic networks.

No - au pairs aren't supposed to have sole charge of babies but it's fine for them to have sole charge of children before/after school.

squeakypop, I guess their reason for being an aupair would not be to take private language courses then.

I will admit to a wariness about French aupairs since I was played out by my no-show French aupair, who had rather poor English - lucky escape on both sides? I formed my opinion of French aupairs' English from their poorly worded profiles on aupair world - I am happy to be proven wrong.

anna, all this apirational talk is raising alarm bells with me. I like the cattle market because I get the 'strongest' aupairs who brave the internet and don't rely on third parties to pave the way for them. 'Aspirational' just smacks of 'sheltered', which is the sort of poor aupair I would have been (had I chosen that route at 18) and the sort of profile I actively avoid.

Different strokes

Pollyanna - French people paying for language schools in the UK want to find not only a minority of their own nationals (so that they aren't tempted to speak their own language) but also a minority of other nationalities so that there is a "good mix" and one language doesn't dominate.

The demand for private English language schools from Eastern Europe is sky-rocketing and it is now hard for the schools to manage to get a "good mix" without turning Eastern Europeans (especially Russian speakers) away, which they obviously don't want to do. I presume the Russians aren't as fussed about the minority of Russian speakers...

the point about not being sure which English classes are available, imo, is a complication that can be solved by communication. ie if you can't tell which classess she ought to be going to, and whether or not they're compatible with the school run, and the school run is, for you, a crucial part of her hours - then the au pair needs to be aware of that. (you spell it out: if the college wants you to go in the middle class you won;t be able to because it's at 3.00 and I need an au pair who can pick up from school) then she can decide if she's prepared to take the risk. or you accept that she might not be able to do the school run. either way the way to keep everyone happy is to make sure you're both aware of expectations (be it school run or classes), of possibilities (which classes when), of unknowns, so that both parties make an informed decision whether to enter into an agreement.

The au pairs I know don't want to get stuck in boring families who have no conversation, books, don't travel etc. Quite understandable you know

(slightly random post - responding to one much earlier and interrupting the flow of conversation. do please return...)

Anna, you really are pretty offensive you know....
what are you talking about active brains and responsible kind of people. So that doesn't apply to Non uni types then?
Laughable, ignorant and ridiculous...

I have had really favourable opinions of French aupairs from APW

It's Eastern European ones that I am leary of. I've had experience of 3 - a very proud Polish who was very disenchanted by the great divide between us, a Bulgarian who seemed to be committing visa fraud, and a Latvian who robbed me at dawn.

I am done with Eastern Europeans, although I realise that I have seen the worst 1% and the vast majority are kind and hard working.

We have found that, on the whole, our French candidates have had a very high standard of English. As an aupair employer, though, there is a such a thing as too good English. If English is too good, they won't go to classes and not make friends. It is a fine line.

As far as I can see, if an aupair is getting her intellectual stimulation from the family, she is not really getting her full experience. IMO, aupairs want to hang out with their newly made friends, not with the families in their free time, lol. They are young people after all.

My new Swedish aupair is lovely and has told me she wants to have a group of at least 10 friends to go around with, having made her first contact with another nearby aupair today, found via the .... internet. She is enterprising, flexible, outgoing and optimistic - never queried my reading or travel yet. Perfect.

Sounds ideal Blueshoes....

Ingles,

One of the things we use to weed out our candidates is whether they are current or prospective university students.

We really do want someone who is destined for higher education.

I don't see what is wrong in that.

Anna, my aps have all gone to private language school and have mostly been in higher education(I must be very aspirational!) - here (in Brighton) it is difficult to predict who will be dominating language schools each term. One term my ap said that she was the only non-Japanese student, at the moment (apparently) there are alot of Italian students.

For the OP, my experience is that all but one of my aps have attended language school everyday, but that also has to fit around me - if they couldn't do the afternoon school run I couldn't host/hire them. I think it is unreasonable to say to your ap that she can only go once a week.

squeakypop, my current Swedish aupair made the active choice not to go for English classes. She has only been with me a week, and already made a new friend. My last German aupair went to English classes but did not hang out with any of her classmates. She has a very active social life she built from scratch, again via the internet and bumping into aupairs in the area. I don't think English classes are vital for making friends.

Actually I wouldn't touch one of the AP's Anna describes with a barge pole. (tbh I wouldn't touch a french AP)
I have much more admiration for someone who may not have the best of circumstances, and any money but has the nous to get themselves up, on the internet, and travel to another country to learn a different language.