Would you make an au pair pay?

[gooseegg]

If your au pair had had her purse stolen with her front door key in it would you insist on her paying the full price, half price or have no need to contribute at all financially to the cost of a replacement front door lock and new keys?

The au pair was out with friends in a nightclub - so drunk that she was an easy target.

The purse was later discovered in a car park by security guards with (thankfully) all her debit cards and her passport still inside. But our front door key and her mobile phone were missing.

In the purse she had left a document (a money transfet form) with our address on - which also wasn't taken, but which may have been read and have now provided a thief with our address and the means to break in easily.

The lock will need to be changed tomorrow, and dh and I have a difference of opinion on who should pay for it.

SheikYerBouti oh hell what a shit thing to happen TBH gooseegg post has really upset me. need a bit of distance here

Has brought back some memories for me too
Although I have never felt exactly responsible for being assualted there has always been something in the back of my mind that says 'but if you had not have been drunk, you would not have kissed this guy and invited him in for coffee'
I KNOW I did not ask for what happened next but no matter how many times I said no, if I hadn't invited him in, he would not have had the opportunity to do what he did would he....
I don't feel responsible for what happened but do feel responsible for putting myself in that situation

sorry guys I'm going to ignore all the rape stuff.

One of my AP's lost her door key one day. By the time I got home from work she'd already had the locksmith round and paid for it. I paid her back 80 of the 100 pounds. She wasn't expecting any money as she felt it as her responsibillity. I paid because I was impressed she had sorted it out herself.

I was a 15 yr old know it all, who had to much to drink one night, stupidly trusted the person who offered to take me home because I knew them, I was raped, but it's so good to know it was my fault and I was asking for it......thanks

I posted on a thread a while back about rape, and have changed my name since, now I know why, because of people like you

[andry]

gooseegg you sicken me with your comments. I am truly shocked that you could possibly think something like that about sexual assault and can only assume that you are tlaking such utter utter shite because you have never been in a situation where you have been sexually assaulted, or assaulted in any way.

Your ignorance is truly remarkable.

Lem maybe a tad harsh there. I don't think the op actually said that a drunk woman deserved to get raped. Just in her opinion that there is partial responsibility if a woman knowingly put herself in a vunerable position. Not saying I agree with her and I would hope that she now very much regrets that one sentence about partial responsibility very early on in the thread.
I stand by my other post on this thread. I do think that in an ideal world a woman should not have to compromise her behaviour because she may be attacked. But until we live in an ideal world it makes reasonable sense to me to take steps to protect oneself. That however in no way excuses the behaviour of men who prey on vunerable women or apportions any of the blame away from the rapist. Just it is a sad fact that these men do exist and as such we all sadly have to take steps to protect ourselves. Whether or not we should have to is immaterial. As I said before not being responsible doesn't make the woman any less raped.
As I have already said I am not defending what the op said at all. I just don't think that your interpretation of what she said is what she meant. I could be completely wrong and she could beleive that all women who let alcohol pass their lips deserve to be raped, just not how I read it that's all.

only read the op. no i would not make her pay. i would pay and just be thankful she was ok. these things happen.

I dread to think whatyou would say about someone not fighting back when they are being assaulted.

there is a fine line i suppose between sexual abuse and rape.

The thing is, according to the OPs phillosophy - if you spout potentially hurtful bullshit like that, you are at least partially responsible for getting flammed!

Gooseegg- I would be very, very careful about what you say on this board.

People who have been sexually assualted and/or raped feel bad, sick and yes GUILTY (without ANY reason to be )enough about it as it is, without you coming along and making sick, twisted downgrading remarks like that.

Lovelysongbird
that last comment it totally out of order

Look, everyone is entitled to an opinion. you may not agree with the OP's, personally I don't... but I think this has been blown out of proportion now. The Op wasn't inflammatory, she just said her point of view. That does not justify being called an evil bitch

ingles2 - I agree.

Oh my goodness, this has all gotten a bit nasty...

Back to the keys. I had ananny who lost her mobile phone and keys because she left her purse on the train. I didn't charge her for changing the lock. I did ask her to pay for half of the mobile phone but offer her extra babysitting hours to pay it off that way rather than it actually coming out of her paycheck.

I think Goosey was just talking about personal responsibility -- although admittedly she didn't phase it brilliantly. But, still, she's just saying that when you get shitfaced you precautions not to lose things like by say putting the key in your fron pocket or not taking a purse/hangbag.

There is an important difference between 'being vulnerable to' and 'being responsible for'.

ignore, ignore...old thread, didn't mean to revive...

Oh dear

As irresponsible as I think it is to go out and get drunk - because let's face it, you are an easier target to get robbed as you'll put up less resistance than were you fully alert... there is NEVER an occasion for a woman to be asking to be raped. Ever. The man is the criminal, not her.