Would you make an au pair pay?

[gooseegg]

If your au pair had had her purse stolen with her front door key in it would you insist on her paying the full price, half price or have no need to contribute at all financially to the cost of a replacement front door lock and new keys?

The au pair was out with friends in a nightclub - so drunk that she was an easy target.

The purse was later discovered in a car park by security guards with (thankfully) all her debit cards and her passport still inside. But our front door key and her mobile phone were missing.

In the purse she had left a document (a money transfet form) with our address on - which also wasn't taken, but which may have been read and have now provided a thief with our address and the means to break in easily.

The lock will need to be changed tomorrow, and dh and I have a difference of opinion on who should pay for it.

a drunk woman to be 'partly' responsible for being sexually assaulted

OMG - is this what you really think???

must tell my friend who got raped 2yrs ago that it was her fault for going to the pub that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words fail me goose!!!!

regards to your OP, i was going to say that you as her employer should pay the cost of the new lock - if need me claim on house insurance

why shouldnt she go out and have a drink/fun with friends - if she hadnt been drinking but lost her purse/had it stolen would you feel different?

No apols for Godwin, Elf

I feel v sad and angry for your SIL. I just said on the other thread that when even women believe women can be partly responsible for their attack, how can we be sure anyone will believe a victim can be free of blame?

thank you for the legal clarification, ivykaty. A similar thing happened to us recently, our au pair shut the door with her keys inside and the unlocking service charged us a truly horrendous amount to open it - the same amount as my au pair's monthly pocket money. I paid it, without passing it on to her. But it's good to know that that is the employer's duty.

gooseegg, you said you were going to show DH the tread, have you done so?

In an ideal world a woman should, if she so wishes, be able to go out wearing the skimpiest of outfits, get drunk to the point of passing out in some stranger's bed and not be sexually assaulted as a result. Not sure there are statistics for such events but I hope in the majority of cases she would be able to do so. It's just unfortunate that we live in a world where there are people who will take advantage of drunkeness in others. Until such a time as we live in an ideal world it would make sense to me for people to take reasonable precautions to protect themselves. Not keeping your employers address and their house keys in your purse on a night out where you intend to get drunk would seem a reasonable thing to ask imo. (when my ds lost his 3rd front door key I made him pay for the replacement!!)
By saying this I am not agreeing that a woman who got very drunk and was attacked was even partly responsible for what happened to her. Just that her situation could be considered to have made her more vunerable given that there are, in our far from ideal world, men out there who prey on women in that situation. Not being responsible does not make her any less raped.
Everything we do in life is a balance of risk. Some things we do are more risky than others. A woman should be able to go on a night out without having to consider the possiblity of being attacked, for the majority this is so. But for some it, sadly is not. Until such a time as it is then we have to take reasonable precautions to protect ourselves. Sad but true imo

Not yet unfit, he's back tonight, but yes I shall do.

I have locks on my doors and windows because I don't want my house robbed.

I wear sensible shoes when out and I keep my senses about me because I don't want to be a victim of an assault.

If my house was robbed because I had left everything open then yes I would consider myself partly responsible. My insurance would do so too.

If I was assaulted because I had made myself deliberately drunk not to notice or care what was going on around me or to me, then yes I would consider myself partly responsible.

Crime is wrong. I know that and I wouldn't expect a court sentence to be reduced to take into account my own negligence. But I know what sort of a society I live in, and it's up to me to do the best I can to take care of myself and my property.

I have been burgled. I had all my doors and windows locked, but they smashed through one of the double glazed windows to get in.

Am I partly responsible for having windows?

No - not if you took sensible precautions to protect your property.

I used to go drinking with my friends, we would all get a taxi home together, dropping off along the route back from town. I would drop off a friend, then go to my house down the road.
If the taxi driver had attacked me, would it have been my fault?

Wow I've never read anything like that, I hope your daughter never has the misfortune to have to tell you she's been raped, drunk or not.

God I am so glad you're not my employer - What I do in my free time - wear high heels and drink Vodka is obviously not right for an employee we should all be sat in our heavily bolted houses wearing sensible shoes and drinking tea.

If I lost my keys at work - my employers would probably be pissed off but as long as I was ok would pay out and I am guessing they would rather I was robbed than sexually assaulted - maybe I'll ask tomorrow

When at work I keep all the windows open and doors open too - to air the house - maybe I should discuss bolts just to make sure that if there was a burglar whilst at work they don't expect me to pay out for the tv etc.

OMG.

I was that drunken girl not so long ago and to hear you say that Goosegg not only drags up old feelings but also guilt that I have spent months trying to overcome. Sometimes its best NOT to say what you feel about something as horrific as this.

Wish I hadn't read this thread.

I would not make her pay - those things are just one of the 'hidden' costs of having an aupair.

mananny - you MUST not blame yourself for ANYTHING that happened to you - it is NEVER the rapee's fault - no matter WHAT some narrow minded people may think!!!!

you DIDNT ask for it (hugs) and blows kisses - we need a kiss sign!!

its unfortunate that the keys have gone but i dont think she should have to pay if she wasnt working for you she wouldnt have them so it is part of the job that you have to factor in and pay yourself

my children have lost loads of keys i have never actually bothered to change the locks

Thanks imananny. Been telling myself that 50 times a day in the mirror and I DO believe it but still it crosses my mind every now and then that it was my fault for being drunk. So when other people them voice their opinions of the same thing its tough to deal with.

But this isn't my thread so now I've voiced my revulsion at what Goosegg said, I'd like to just carry on with my day. I'm going to lie on the beach, set my timer for 25 minutes and keep turning over til I'm nicely basted.

Mananny - of course it wasn't your fault. Sadly that was just one persons opinion, who is in a very small minority.

believe in yourself mananny and bollocks to narrow minded people !!!

Dont let gooses statement ruin the rest of your day,enjoy the sun and baste yourself nicely

im off to the pub with DH for a roast dinner and a few glasses of wine xx

I bet OP doesn't show her husband this thread now we've all agreed what an utter idiot she is.

Mananny enjoy your basting !

why don't you buy her a burq'a and have done with it?

your poor,poor au pair is all I can say.

Agree with Daphnedescends entirely.

I think I begin to see why the poor AP needs the solace of vodka living in that arena.

gooseegg, 2 things:

1. your appalling point of view re sexual assault renders me

1. get your locks changed today, do not wait until tomorrow

I was intrigued by the OP saying she was going to show her DH a thread which shows what a narrow minded bigot she is. Mind you, from what she says about him he's a real tight-arse.
If I was their AP I'd need vodka for breakfast!