A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

[SlicedMelon]

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

She used her husband and as her reference? So she lied to you. You can't trust your two vulnerable children with someone who lies, no matter how much you like her!

Well aren’t you a charmer. Your kids are sooo lucky to have you as their only role model with that chip on your shoulder 🙄

@SlicedMelon Of course, Instagram is well known for providing full & genuine depictions of people's lives..!

All you know about this woman is that you, personally, really liked her. You find her charming, warm and appealing.

Unfortunately, she has failed every single verification check. She has lied about her employment history and background. She has lied about who she is.

Yet you still want to place your children in her care because you like her so much. This is how con artists work.

You reacted badly to a pp and accused them of rudeness because you've done so many hours of research on her and tried to verify her through professional email addresses and references. But all this is worthless if you're willing to ignore your findings because you like her so much and you're a 'really good judge of character'.

Many of us are good judges of character... until we're not. Confirmation bias.

If you employ her it's a big gamble. It might be fine, might not be. Your children could be perfectly safe, and she might rinse you for everything you've got. The red flags don't necessarily mean she's not to be trusted with children, but they mean she's not to be trusted.

Put aside the facts because you really like her and will be "devastated" to let her go and you'll be both extremely naive and a fool.

You're letting your emotions rule you. Your feelings are clouding your judgement. Take the feelings out of it and look at it objectively.

The op is an idiot but this is an awful comment. How dare you try and guilt her for working.

Quite a lot of dodgy people don't look like " dodgy criminals "

She has shown she is dishonest regardless of how you think she is looks nice she has shown you she is untrustworthy from the start.

OP, if it feels off, then just leave it and move on.

If you were calling me asking for a reference and asked for my work email I would refuse point blank, that’s OTT and intrusive.

No point trying to prove anything further of this nanny either way, just start a new search and chalk this one up to experience.

How can you hand over your kids and give your house keys to lying stranger?

Omg what an update - I have found her instragram page and her first reference turns out to be her husband, so many photos of them together including their wedding! 🤦🏼‍♀️

She is hiding something because she has something to hide, which she doesn't want to share with you. It could be anything. If nothing else, she is telling you that she doesn't have the experience she said she did.

This is an entire Marxist parade of red flags. I wouldn't hire this woman in any capacity.

She is a troll. She is creating on another post too.

The references both sound dodgy and the fact that you like the nanny so much at first sight may just indicate that she’s good at reeling people in. Stay well clear.

I firmly believe honesty is the best policy. I would steel myself and have the awkward conversation now with her rather than a very difficult one later. Call her and explain that you were suspicious about her references and have now found out that one was fake and from her husband. As you really warmed to her, could she explain why she did this as you’d like to think there is a really good reason.

Hi @DinaofCloud9 - this poster is stirring up on another thread too. Best to ignore x

There is no way you can hire her as the nanny for your 2 extremely vulnerable children. Why is she lying? Why are other people lying for her? What is she hiding and why?
All the red flags are flying here. Your children only have you to protect them. You need to protect them.

The parents are employing the nanny in a personal capacity. Nothing to do with their work.

This would be the case for my role as well. I work for the civil service and my work email address is not listed anywhere, I don't work with external people and I would be disciplined for giving out my email address.

One time an ex nanny's prospective employer called me up when I was at work, wanting my work details and work email address but I explained all the above. My ex nanny had applied for a social care job and the HR worker did not understand that my role as a nanny employer has nothing at all to do with my job.

I was also surprised at your comment about asking for the nanny's previous wage slips!!

The poster has form for this - spreading toxicity over other threads too.

It is a very reasonable way to verify that you are who you say you are, which is normal to want to do. It is far from unusual to disclose this..I was a nanny employer for several years.

She lied multiple times to you... Why would you put your children in danger by hiring her?!
She has already constantly lied, you cannot trust her.
Call her out on it.

See that stands out to me, if you were asking me this, I'd have no problem with the current age, I would however have struggled with the ages they started. I mightve been able to say, the youngest was 5 months because that was when I had to return to work and the older one was 21 months older so...

Struggling with the current but excellent memory of the past is strange. And by two people.

I'd move on to the next options.

Not sure about your way of verifying peoples work details though. That seems quite intrusive and not something that I would give over myself.

Disciplined for giving your work email address out? For what exactly? Give over.
You are confused - it is giving out other people's details which are issues.

They look "super sweet" okay, let's give the lying fake Nanny who's been up to who knows what for the past decade your precious (?) children to look after because it's fine! They don't "look like criminals". I honestly despair!

I wouldn’t have given my work details or email to a previous nanny employer. As with a previous poster l was a civil servant and giving my work email address to anyone outside the dept would have been a disciplinary offence. I understand that references need to be checked out but we’re at the stage here of asking the references to provide references.

Honestly, just choose someone else.

There's more than one nanny out there.

Sorry. Same here. Work emails were confidential to the department. Disclosing was a disciplinary offence.

I’m with PP, I have purposely used a nickname on Facebook and LinkedIn so people cannot find me easily. I work in the nhs and would not be providing a work email for such matters. I used to nanny not so long ago and no parent ever went to this trouble with references, they just accepted the personal emails I gave them. Have you had a nanny before? Why can’t you put the nanny on a trial period if you have doubts?