A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

[SlicedMelon]

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

You can only apply for a basic DBS for yourself. Someone else must apply for an enhanced DBS for you as they have to verify your identity within the application. She doesn’t need to be registered with the agency for them to do this (I’m not saying she isn’t, just that she doesn’t need to be)
Once you have an enhanced DBS you can apply to be on the update service yourself

Well, thinking back I did mine via Ofsted but it’s been so long now I can’t be completely sure, I just pay the renewal fee every year for the update service. Definitely didn’t get an agency to do it in the first place though.

It is possible OP to have gaps in references- out of five long term roles I have had, there is one family who will not give me a reference despite 2 years working with them. This is because they are the most awful individuals and I only wish I could give references about them to try and save any potential Nannie’s from having to be anywhere near their toxic household.

However this is sandwiched between two absolutely amazing verifiable references thankfully.

Strangely I still feel quite fond of her, even her husband has a super sweet face. I am a very good judge of character generally and don’t find her dodgy at all.

Are you nuts? How can you not find her dodgy if she's used her own DH as a fake referee? Why does having "a super sweet face" make them suddenly ok? (And how can you tell from photos on Insta that it was the DH you spoke to?)

This woman has provided fake references and can't provide an up to date DBS. The paper copy is likely fake too. You haven't even responded to questions about whether she has a paediatric first aid certificate or what other qualifications she has claimed.

And before you ask, yes, if a friend in real life told me they don't find this dodgy, I'd definitely be questioning their sanity.

Sadly a lot of criminals are charming and personable - it's a necessary skill.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave your baby with this woman!

And as a professional nanny OP I would think YOU were the red flag, if you were so blasé about my credentials I’d be out. These are your children, it matters.

Sorry but you sound insane. You spent until 2 am researching her and everything you found out is that she's told you lies and used her own husband as her referee. I hope this is completely made up.

I hired a nanny based on two telephone references, she was wonderful, about 4 months into the job, one of the referees called me and admitted she and the other one were fake referees and were actually the nannys friends, they had had a huge falling out and the ‘friend’ said she felt guilty for having lied so wanted to come clean (yeah, right). I was really annoyed she had lied to me, but I kept her and she stayed with us for years.

Sweet Jesus

No words

If it is all made up, this OP needs urgent professional help.

Although on the basis of this thread, probably could benefit from professional support either way

Wow just read your update.

that's fraud and she may be cute but avoid this nanny - please don’t use her

did the ref give her husbands name as I don’t get how you know it’s him by a pic and you talking to him .

dbs is around £67 I want to say for initial one but then most professional Nannie’s will sign onto update so it’s £13 yearly

she would have had the p45 but I think and p60 goes to next employer but both would have names on it

tho sounds like she hasn’t been a nanny at all

what is her childcare qualification ?

dis you see her first and ? Her pli?

there is no way you can employ this woman

where did you find her @SlicedMelon

I know this is possibly a bit late but I think it’s become increasingly common to ask for a copy of your work history from HMRC. This is pretty easy to obtain, there’s an app. Then you can see listed employers for last five years and go directly to them for references. Obviously with Nannies it could be trickier as paid through nanny pay type agency. However I’d expect the app information to match up with their stated employment dates though ( so if they say they were employed by x then y for these dates then you’d expect it to be the same). My current employer doesn’t ask for referees they do cross check your HMRC record with your C.V. though.

The line dropping at the moment was clearly your answer! Given the reference before also gave a weird answer to this question! She’s dodgy as f!

it would be crazy to employ this person to look after your children

Dishonesty from the start is a firm no from me.

The one time I ignored my spidery sense was when a nanny had mixed references. One was cagey - “with the right family” - and just not effusive, the other didn’t respond despite chasing. We took a chance. The kids liked her.

Day 1 and it was like another woman had arrived. Miserable, withdrawn, didn’t interact with the kids, liked the TV on.. Day 3 I asked if she was okay and she said 5 months pregnant so that started a ticking clock till her maternity when I had to find a year’s cover as per the law. Not a great experience!

I have never given a reference for any job which only provided a first name and phone number. Usually there would be full name and contact details plus a written reference. Sounds very odd to me. In any case, I would rather speak to the mother in the household, unless (for instance) dad was a widower or had sole responsibility fir the children.

Did you not think to use a proper agency?🙄

That’s what I would of done if I’d of been lucky to be rich enough to pay someone else to mind my kids.

Brutal but true!
always shocks me that so many rich people lack any sense /live in a bubble

I’m not educated or rich but I swear hands down I got more sense then people lucky to be rich!

hopefully you will not hire this liar?

for next candidate:

I would not be able to give my current work email - I tried (when doing mentoring) and was told no by HR l, my work is extremely strict on this. You would find me on LinkedIn - under my maiden name.

i would not remember ages when nannies started (we had two long term), i do of course remember current ages.

With regards to reference, you may be able to get payslips from nanny tax (or similar). They offer a payroll service so you don’t have to worry about tax, NI etc. I recall they also provided payslips.

we had paid trial days where I was doing things around the house (think total spring clean) and observed (on /off ) how the nanny interacted with the children, went to the park together, let her cook and sort out dinner.

I believe that it very much is a two way street, the nanny also needs to be happy with the children, the general family approach to screen time, behaviour, etc. Some families are awful (return late, expect the nanny to clean, pay very little, don’t want to pay tax etc), some nannies don’t seem to like children when alone with them 🥺. I was home for a few years and we had a lot of play dates with nannies when the children were little… difference is like night and day. Hence the paid trial days, for both sides…

Doubt it. She sounds flakey. Hasn’t even used a proper agency

Don’t be stupid. It’s a childcare solution. People use them In order to work, because it’s not 1958. It’s that simple.

If you really want to give her a chance call her out first. See what she says

I don’t think I could trust someone with my children knowing they have so actively lied to me. What else could they lie about?

Please watch ‘Bad Nanny’ on BBC iplayer to see how easily you can be hoodwinked. Many were by someone they ‘really liked’ and ignored many small red flags.

If something or someone seems perfect then they are too good to be true. You so desperately wanted this nanny, even though you gave no actual reason why she was perfect, and you described how you would have felt guilty turning her down - all these made you a target. It’s a lesson in trusting your gut. Also it’s a lesson in the fact that nothing is perfect. A genuine process would be more like ‘well this nanny seems fun and energetic but might not be as good with discipline, whereas the other nanny is very organised and calm but might not be as much fun’. Everyone has pros and cons - no one is perfect.

What a bizarre attitude...
Some of us have to work.

I'm guessing that you don't have to.