Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

[majorstress]

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

That was to do with construction techniques. Even in Ohio, the houses shake, especially with my kids rattling around inside them.

I got my ap from here . Tended to be more english speaking ones. As for photo's, I was with your DH on that one but didn't actually see a photo of our ap until after I had offered her the job. You just get a feel in emailing/talking to them about their personality and if they are right.

Also, I hope you're using 18866 to call them. I was able to interview both the au pairs and their families for hours at a time, at a cost of 2p a minute.

I got my ap from here . Tended to be more english speaking ones. As for photo's, I was with your DH on that one but didn't actually see a photo of our ap until after I had offered her the job. You just get a feel in emailing/talking to them about their personality and if they are right.

Also, I hope you're using 18866 to call them. I was able to interview both the au pairs and their families for hours at a time, at a cost of 2p a minute.

Donno think the house is shaking here!!! LOL

cool, 21, I might sign up for that one too. Now I am thinking of just making sure that I have someone by march 18th, I hope we will be having a major celebration when Inertia departs on 17th and not just of DHs national hols. The only drawback is breaking the news that she won't be coming back..but if she leaves abruptly I won't mind, I will be able to cope on my own by then I think for a few days, then will get a temp or mum to come over.

Good luck! I think I've found your profile on greataupair and, if you don't mind, would like to add some constructive comments. The first thing that struck me is the hours - 7am to 7pm - 12 hours a day. Would scare a lot of au pairs off. I know you probably are meaning to say that they will have to be available within that time.

Also, I think you are giving too much information out about your ideal person. You need to tailor your questions so that the answers they provide meet your "ideal" person. For example, a good one I used was what is your favourite food/recipe. If you get someone who says sausages and chips, they are not right for you. Whereas our ap said she like fresh fruit and veg and loved cooking (she cooks for us all the time). I know Ewila and I differ on this point, though.

Finally, the other thing that would scare me is the full responsibility for housework. I would love to have a person who is able to do that. But, in real life, you have to appreciate that they are going to be part of your family and cannot be expected to take that sort of responsibilty. I have, once before had someone who took total responsibility for housework and that was my Nanny, who I hasten to add was paid substantially more than my ap. The way I've approached this ap is that she is part of the family, a big sister to my 2 dds, a friend for me. We all live together so we all need to share the responsibility for the housework.

I do hope you don't mind!

My first one was 20 -- a complete disaster. My current one is great. She is 48, and has raised two kids of her own. I've met one of them and she appears to have been raised very well. I think you can tell a lot about a person by his/her children.

Also, I would definitely not be so quick to judge an older woman. Some of the Eastern European countries do not offer the same opportunities we take for granted. My current nanny (who as you know is from Estonia) said she had degrees in Education, Health, and veterinary studies. So, of course when I met her for the interview, the all important question was "why in the world do you want to be an au pair making pennies when you have all of that education?!" She replied "You say pennies, but I can make more in the UK as an au pair than I can as a teacher in Estonia". So, that is why these women want to be au pairs. Her English is fine for communicating with me, but not good enough to get a job here in the UK. So she will probably (hopefully) continue as my nanny for a couple of years and then return to a more rewarding and higher paid occupation.

The education thing is fantastic. I couldn't ask for more with DD. She is always teaching her new words and phrases. I am always amazed at the things DD says to me -- things she certainly hasn't learned from me.

I would definitely recommend an older woman from an ascension country who has grown children and is not currently married. The down fall is that she will require more respect and probably want to be invilved in the decisions. Once in a while I have to put my foot dow with nanny to get my way. But, aside from that, she a great nanny. Although, she is a crap housekeeper. But, I can live with that.

What do you mean we differ? Fruit and veg score loads of points with me! Did I forget to praise my nanny for her choice of cuisine, by the way. She even purees the veg to hide it in mashed potatoes.

Just hope I find all my frozen vegetables in CLOSED bags tonight.

And stop calling me Ewila. I am Uwila!

HI thanks 21, I am actually trying to scare away any more Inertias, but I will tone it down if I don't get anyone. Points are well taken. Also too much info, I know. But it has hugely helped not having scads of no hopers clogging up my mailbox. I know APs aren't supposed to do all that stuff, and they wouldn't have to-I just don't want any more amazed looks at every request for help, and at my own normal workload. This is real life!

Oops, didn't explain myself properly did I Uwila?! And how could I get your name wrong, oh wise one?

I meant on the questions front, I would prefer to ask them what they like to cook. We both certainly agree on the food front. Mine has my dds eating greens.

I was going to suggest bags with a seal on them but resealing them still manages to evade my dh, so maybe not!

Most of us, when we talk about an older au pair, are referring to girls in their mid-to-late 20s.

You don't have an au pair, Uwila!

If I asked my Polish au pair about food, she'd have said fruit and veg. But what she didn't tell me was that was all she would eat. I can still hear her now, "need fructus, need fructus". Pest...

The worst thing was that she objected to the children taking anything out of the fruitbowl, as she thought it was all for her.

majorstress - I normally found that as soon as I sent out my questions to them, it quickly cleared out the chancers. I had a template email set up and just forwarded it to anyone who was interested. Mind you, at one stage I did think I was being too fussy and wasn't getting anyone replying. But, it worked, and I have the ideal ap.

I liked the aupairworld.net website as, if I wasn't interested in them, it just sent a mail out to say so - there was no personal communication with them.

Well, Ameriscot, if you want to pick apart job descriptions and job titles, you will find that what Majorstress is seeking will also fall into your description of a nanny. For the purpose of this thread, it is more helpful to not differentiate. Majorstress can call her what she likes. Mine is a nanny. True. But that doesn't really mattter for the points I am addressing here.

Majorstress is looking for someone to look after her kids whilst she and her husband work, and I think a bit of light housework as well. Do I have this right, Majorstress? She is legally entitled to give her a wide variety of job titles, including Au pair and nanny.

I think it might be an American thing to call your nanny an au pair - maybe it sounds more exotic. I have a friend who does this - the poor girl works from 6am till 9pm and is expected to be on call whenever. She does get paid nanny wages.

Why? What's wrong with calling her a nanny, then we all understand each other?

MS has clarified in the past that the hours she requires are indeed au pair or au pair plus hours - children in school, hubby helping out with transporting them there, IIRC - and she's paying au pair pocket money.

Aupair World is like a slimmed down version of Great Aupair. It's the same concept - you put your profile up and the au pair puts hers up, and you tag anyone you like. If you don't like someone who like you, you send an automatic "no thanks" email. The info about the girls isn't as detailed, but the site does seem to have mostly Western European, Aussie/NZ and North Americans.

oooh, I just talked (really talked!!!sigh of relief) to a poor Canadian girl, who is unhappy because the mummy stuffs the kids with sweets and pop on demand, even when they are naughty, making them even harder to deal with. She has only been in UK 2 months and wants a better job. She has little transport in remote place, has a 1 year old sole charge all day and a 3 year old who is only in nursery 3 h in the mornings, so no time to get anywhere before it's time to come back, works 8 to 7 all day, and when I asked if we could see her Sat, she s working for them then too so can't! She knows what pocket money we are offering, so I guess I am not the meanest in the world. So, guys, tell me not to get carried away, need to know lots more etc etc. She did admit on further questioning that they just don't get along. First thing, will take up her nanny reference in Canada, methinks.

You can give a thumbs down automated email on greataupair, but it's harder. One thing I don;t like about the other 2 sites I joined yesterday, is they don't give height and weight- I want a compact person (donning asbestos suit)-WAIT! now I have good reasons for this:
Inertia turns out to have an eating disorder and a distorted body image to the point that she won't even try to fit in our modest car between the kids seats. She is slightly plump and pretty tall. DH can manage and he is 6'2", and I do usually but now cannot for a few months due to my back; also do not want to drive yet myself. This has prevented us taking her on outings around the country at weekends-not to work usually, but to have fun herself and be part of our family. So, I want someone who is able to do this.

Inertia DOES seal everything up in with care in the food department. Hurrah! She's been a bit less annoying the last 2 days when I felt more poorly. She's kind and never, ever late. And Granny spotted her down on the floor with the kids once- a first sighting. I'm still determined to replace her with someone I can have a chat with without getting a headache, but I don't think I was wrong to keep her on initially, it's just that the situation has gradually changed-like my disc slipping, you couldn't predict the next move!

Majorstress, You don't need to justify replacing inertia. She works for you. She doesn't do her job properly. The bottom line is YOU will be happier with a fresh starat. Good luck with the Canadian.

My angel nanny has managed to get on my nerves a bit. Last night we had a chat about things that would change when DS is born at the end of May. She said that she won't be able to continue activities (Swimming, Tumble tots, Jo jingles) because it will be impossible to take DD around and participate (nanny also has to participate in the activities) when she has a new baby to also look after. I posted a thread on here earlier today, and the general consensus seems to be that she should be able to do this... hmmmm... I may have to backtrack as I have already agreed to let the activities go until DD can go to activities without nannny participation.

hmmmmmm....

On careful reflection, the actual job I want them to do is an au pair plus, and I am paying a little extra which is really (insufficient)London weighting. Having got someone who wants to send money home, AND is used to lots of presents from divorced dad and doting mum, AND chooses to spend £7 a week on a gym, and £1.20 each way daily on a bus fare instead of taking a pleasant 25 minute walk for free, despite my explaining the folly of this, the pocket money is not stretching far enough-bu this is not my fault-I think I instead need someone with a little sense.

Oh majorstress, the Canadian sounds wonderful. I bet she could start almost immediately! At least she's being honest about not getting on with the family. You are so right to check references. Check as many as you can. Also, ask if you can speak to her family back home? This really helped me as her Mum and me had the same interests and chatted for over an hour!

Can I just gush a bit more about mine? I got back last night and she had made (yes made) chocolate chip cookies - enough for me to take to work. I love her!

I can see where you're coming from re. the plump/car thing. Our ap is not slim but this isn't an issue. We have a very small car and were seriously thinking about getting a people carrier but have changed our minds. The reason for this is that our ap works very hard throughout the week and, whilst she is very much part of our family, she needs some time away. So she tends to spend her weekends off shopping/exploring London. She is even thinking about getting a weekend job just to get to know a few more people.

Our ap initially appealed to me due to the fact that she had come to London last year with her school and loved it so much she wanted to come back to experience it.

Oh, Uwila, that is a problem. My disabled friend couldn't do tumbletots with hers because of that, and it was even worse because 2 of her kids inherited her disorder and would have benefitted, it turned out.
I found it incredibly difficult to take my dds places while on leave with dd2 as tiny--some, not all, mother-toddler groups (church-type meet ups) had good places to lay the little'un down, with a baby gym or or sometimes it was timed so they would sleep in their buggy. The big one meanwhile had fun running around or doing crafts. I even got to chat a little , though mainly ended up listening to really boring obsessive Atkins weight loss accounts (sorry but I don;t care about diets) Maybe you should investigate other sorts of groups while you are off, you need to physically see it though nearer the time, some are just wild with big scary toddlers running around yelling, and you can't take your eyes off baba for safety. And some are lovely and I treasure the memory! wistful
Also summer is coming-what about just park outings? There are regulars there too for dd to make friends and ap too! Also some leisure centres have things for 2-3 year olds, and creches for littlies.

I strike the plump ones off my list (and I won't even consider an applicant who doesn't have a picture) because I figure it's potentially an indicatio of poor eating habits which I don't want influencing my kids' eating behaviours. It's been my experience that fat women are such because they like to bake (and eat). I also don't want to be tempted by those culinary delights in my own home. So no plump ones for me.