Help! What should au pairs get in London? URGENT

[majorstress]

I'm paying £80 pocket money, all food, own room with new tv, dvd and radio. 3 x 3 hours English classes a week, just paid £137 for 12 weeks. Original agreement was this would rise to £100 this month, but hours were from 2:30 to 8 pm, 2 kids one at school one at FULLTIME nursery. She has talked me into letting her knock off at 6:30, and to let her off most of the housework which is ironing. The other housework is done to the minimum, very passive and helpless about everything, doesn't seem to know how to change a bed, or hoover, or cook despite talking about it all the time. I am finding myself working non-stop doing housework as well as a full time job, and failing dismally at coping with either, with continual colds and a back injury. Now she wants me to honor the £100 part of the deal. Am I a mug? a slavedriver? Should I find someone else? Quit my job? Kill myself?

Yeah, dh has a point. ooh you lucky thing, that is just what I dreamed an ap would do-actually I think I ASSUMED they would-because that's what I would do myself if I had the job; and that was my unrealistic fantasy about what I would be doing as a mum. (More Hollow Laughter) It seems like a wonderful job really, wish I could have done it way back when... WHY on earth would anyone want to sit around on their bottom in a suburb, watching bored kids get more so????? I am starting to hate this poor girl. Put it down to post-operative end-of-euphoria crankiness.

Will definitely be asking leading questions about what they think is a good thing to do, eat, play etc. for ages 2 and 4. I have a long list of questions. So far contacting the Estonian is not working, so I am on the verge of forgetting all non-English-speaking experienced ones, who are not up for getting themselves here in a couple of weeks, and even if they are only for the fairly short term, for now. It would be worth it to get my life back underway again.

that's great about the junk food too. It is so hard to keep the giant tide of sugar fat and salt from lapping up over the front door threshold. (I am not kidding)

yes, I too have thought that I should have been an au pair. Too late now!

Taking your little darling to swimming is actually her job, and isn't worthy of special praise. It is however grounds for dismissal. You might want to site it when you give her notice of her pending departure.

PS Do you ever wonder if your au pair is on mumsnet? Sometime when I have little rants I think, oh jeez hope she never sees that. Overall, I like her. But I do have my gripes here and there. She doesn't close packages of foos very well before she puts them back in the fridge/freezer, so they of course go off faster. Drives my bonkers! But, the DD comes along speaking new words and telling me things I never would have dreamt she could comprehend. And I remember that dried out frozen spinach and shirts that are poorlyironed aren't really much to complain about.

Your AP, on the other hand, should be booted with pleasure...

Aha! but in an ideal world you should be able to explain how to close the containers, and why, and then that is something you have taught her, which she needs to know for her own sake. Or the ironing of the shirts- my dh once made MY cleaner leave abruptly, to my fury with him, by criticising the collars folded wrong. But why couldn't she take it? He isn't a nasty person, it would have been pretty meek knowing him, though I wasn't there.

How do you tell someone they are doing something wrong, without losing your cool, or theirs??? I don't seem to be able to do this. You don't want them cringing and slinking around, but you don't want them getting stroppy with you either, and you start sounding like a persnickety old biddy.

I have worried slightly about posting all this, but she wouldn't be able to follow the language at all. All her emailing is in Magyar, and she isn't getting much access now anyway as I am in bed in the room with the PC. She has U2 tickets to book and friends to chat with!

ok, now I am onto an American college grad-wish me luck. My fears about my fellow Americans were that they would be horrified by our standard of living and possible the weather would depress them-I left 20 years ago so hardly qualify as american anymore-but I will know what they are seeing IYKWM, and can add useful titbits without having to define every other word...maybe [worried face]

Has anyone ever tried an American or Canadian AP?

Are you aware that Americans can realistically only come over the semester following a semester in full-time college education? Obviously some may have other means of being able to work in the UK (eg parent born in UK), but for most, that is their option for domestic work.

I plan to get a Canadian au pair next time. I'd be equally happy with an American, but I think the visas are more straightforward for Canadians. I have mentioned on another thread (Summer au pairs?) the reasons. I certainly plan to stick with westerners - having a fab experience with my young Luxembourgian au pair who has set very high standards that any future au pair is going to have to live up to .

There's nothing wrong with the standard of living in the UK, Majorstress. Having a big house isn't the be-all and end-all. We certainly have the same mod-cons here that we did in the US, and on the plus side, our house doesn't shake.

Have you tried Childcare Unlimited? I got a fantastic Italian girl to look after my two when we were in London briefly and had a good response to my ad. Can't remember the website, but it is something fairly basic like childcareunlimited.co.uk

Oh yes...not putting lids on properly...not wrapping cheese, but just putting lump back in the fridge...Vandalina was a star at this.

Yep, about uncovered food. BTDT.

The only thing that stopped it was a message in writing stuck to her food saying that it was going to be thrown out if uncovered again.

AH, well I decided tonight it was time I mention the packaging. I pulled out a package of frozen chicken breasts. On one end was a resealable ziplock opening. But, the other end of the bag had been torn open. I just said, I have a request. Can you please open things so that they can be closed again. She looked a bit surprised (or confused, I'm not sure which) and said yes. We'll see if it happens. Fingers crossed! :-)

So what happened to the Estonian? Did you just get fed up with the potetial language barrier?

Americans? Yes, I have considered that it would be nice to import a taste of home. Even though of going back to my sorority to see if I could recruit from there. But, the visa thing is such a turn off for me. Just can't be bothered. And, as Ameriscot says you are looking at getting a new one every six months. AND, I don't live in a big posh house. I think Americans have higher standards.... although that;s probably a huge stereo type. I am American and I love it here.

Centurygirl21 has a canadian au pair, and she really likes her. She also said getting the visa wasn't bad at all. You might want to CAT her.

The visa thing shouldn't be a problem for an American (student) or a Canadian. The American would get a Bunac Blue Card which is valid for 6 months and the Canadian would get a Working Holidaymaker's Visa which allows them to work for one year out of two.

The reason I would feel that the job wouldn't be totally suitable for an American is that they are in the UK for such a short time and in that time, they'd probably want to do a bit of travelling. I don't mind them working for six months, but I don't want them cutting significantly into this. The Canadian's visa last for two years, of which they should only work about 12 months, so I can see that it would be worth their while to be an au pair for 6 - 12 months.

The host family is not involved at all in the visa process, and they shouldn't be arbitrarily turned down the way Bulgarians and Rumanians are.

Well, I would mind having to do the ever dreaded au pair / nanny search every six months.

My ears are burning! Yes I have a Canadian Au Pair who is wonderful. She has a 2 year visa. But her contract (at her request) is only for a year. I'm hoping she'll renew.

The advantages - 1) speaks perfect english; 2) knows hows to work mod-cons; 3) not recruiting every 3-6 months for a replacement; 4) used to our weather; 5) not on the phone/net chatting all day due to time difference.

Disadvantages - 1) took about a week to get over jet lag; 2) a lot of paperwork prior to offering position (eg. faxing references/personal info/copy passports/etc); 3) driving over here - unable to get her insured on my new car so will have to get her own cheap car (having said that she is quite happy using the tube).

Getting the visa was easy, I think it took about 10 working days. And I paid for her flight (£250) on flyzoom.com. Some would say that this is a bit too generous but the way I look at it, I've saved agency costs.

As Ewila said, please feel free to CAT me - I can then give you my home number and we can have a chat if you want.

Oh and I forgot to mention, my AP was used to her own apartment in her house back home in Canada. She now has a studio in our house and is perfectly happy. My dd2's room is smaller than their utility room and as for the fridge - she couldn't believe how small it was! However, we love her and she loves us. She is here to experience London and is certainly doing that (went round the museums with dd2 yesterday).

Well what a resourceful lot we are!!! I originally selected APs who said they would stay as long as poss-and now I wish that Inertia was only here for a defined time as I could bear her if I knew when it would end. Want to take photos of her room but it is always a tipheap. Asked her to do extra cleaning in kitchen as no kids in the house for 2 days, then only one for rest of week intermittently, and it is completely undetectable that she has done a thing-nothing has been moved, and dirt is still where I pointed it out. I could live with a new AP for 6 months quite happily because that would bring me into the September 2005 year-off college market. (I'm learning!). Also a couple months of decent help would be worth a lot more than this. Estonian has gone awol after I sent the contract, but she is on holiday this week so may be out of touch for good reasons. The American, surprise surprise had her mobile switched off when I rang as arranged by email. Another slovakian wants £250 a week-out of the question, not even good English speaker or qualified in any way. Cheek! Joined new website for $35 but then noticed mostly Hungarians, I resist stereotyping normally but will never risk one of those again. Have completely revamped greataupair webpage with a new 2nd photo, and online interview someone requested to my astonishment-and I saw some !"£$%^ near me offering ensuite bathroom for AP. Haven't cancelled work nursery yet (1 month notice), even DH is having second thoughts-at least she is safe there. And what DO I do when they leave every few months? Need to lie down....

My thinking has changed a lot too, MS. We had our Polish au pair pegged to stay for a year, but I was so happy to done with her in 5 months - it should only have been 3 months giving her suitability and performance. Now I have a dream au pair from Luxembourg who is only staying with us for 5-6 months.

I think it is a good indicator on the au pair that they have something meaningful in their lives to move on to, rather than the vague drifting-through-life attitude that some au pairs have.

I think I'd be happy with 3 - 6 month placements. And if it is clear that the prospective au pair has commitments, it shouldn't be that hard to change over from one to the next. For example, if you know someone is at school until June, then you can make all the arrangements months in advance and still feel reasonably confident that they will follow through.

My profile is on a couple of sites as looking for an au pair from September, and I am getting lots of enquiries from girls that are looking for something from around that time. Pity about the pay structure of the sites as I'm really only willing to fork out nearer the time.

Yes I am hoping to sort out the next one as well now with the same set of fees. I lost one I liked while I was in hospital, and went off most of the others on reconsideration of my enlarged needs and pay offer. I kept a lot of email addresses from my original hunt, but they were all sorted with other jobs by the time I got back in touch as they fell through one by one... If they have any gumption, they should be sorted quickly, shouldn't they? In fact they wouldn't be available now in any case, they should be sensibly planning ahead more. I should be really evil and actually offer the job to several!!! but the smart ones will keep looking too!!! DH doesn't like any older ones, though he claims it's nothing to to with how nubile they are [of COURSE I believe him ], it's that they haven't managed to do anything much with their lives. {he prefers ones with photos too-funny that).

I thought an older one would be a good thing, but the 26 year old I had was not what I thought a 26 year old should be like. Now I have a 19 year old who is as close to perfect as you can get.

I am certainly going to look for a younger one in future.

Ameriscot-were you in LA quake or something? That scared my cousin's Israeli wife so much she moved to Iowa to live for a few years (no quakes, just tornados,giant floods, blizzards blistering heat and mental deprivation). I quite like the weather here tbh. but like(d) to garden..before kids, before disc ruptured...sigh. That run away from home feeling is setting in again...

Can I be a SAHM minus the M? can I check them into an orphanage?

??? Nope - never been further west than Indianapolis

I agree with the age thing, I chose a 23 year old thinking she would be better than a teen -no way, can't lift a finger AND thinks she can do everything already perfectly, from WATCHING mother slave away. But some of the older ones I mean are WAY older, and they appealled for the same reason-my assumption that age equals sense. But why are they on an au pair website? Claerly they are NOT v sensible. Unless they are from africa/asia where things are obviously different...and I can't contemplate those for visa/language reasons.

"and on the plus side, our house doesn't shake."
?