House rules for Au Pairs and any other tips please!

[Millarkie]

I'm in a minor panic - we were looking for an au pair to start in September because the kids change school then...but a local au pair whose host family no longer need her (mum given up work) has contacted us and asked if we would want her from next week.
We are very tempted to take her on for a month or so since it will give us experience of having someone live-in and because dh has at least 5 days away from home next month so she can cover the school drop off (saves me having dMIL staying over).

So, I need to write a job description and house rules before Wednesday- argh. She has a boyfriend who is living locally so I know I need to put in the 'no guests in working hours including babysitting nights, or past 10pm type rule'. but my mind has gone blank on other situations that are best avoided.

Any advice please?

Oh and does anyone have/use a contract for au pairs??

I can't think of any other rules from the ones I wrote in April. I give lots of general guidelines, but not rules as such.

Hi Marmaduke... new AP doing pretty well. Quite quiet but seems pretty good. DS still very wary of her (she's been here 3 weeks) but he is a very shy little boy and was pretty traumatised by our disastrous one. He seems fine with her if I leave them just the two of them for a short while, but if I'm around he'll run away from her! I wish she was a bit more assertive with him, as he's doing it because he can IYKWIM. But housework wise she's pretty good, and she wants to help so that's the important thing! How long is yours here for? Was it just the summer, what are you going to do when she goes?

what's wrong with a single bed for an ap? and what's wrong with a matress on the floor when a guest comes? ( any decent daughter would surely sleep on the matress herself and her mum use the bed??)

Hopefully nothing Catepilarr - but I haven't had an email back since I suggested it (and I asked her some other questions which I was expecting her to reply to) I'm hoping she's just got dodgy email access at the moment.

Simply - thanks for the offer of the CAT - I'll reply when I get it.

I'm just stressing a bit due to all of us being ill at the moment, house in chaos and kids starting new school in Sept - I think I should have tried some sort of instant messaging with AP rather than the slow waits of email!

We have a new au pair for 2 weeks now and I cannot wait for 12 weeks to be up. Its not like she does not follow the house rules - they are pretty simple really. i guess house rules are not the be all and end all and you still might find they do things that really annoy you (like use all your shampoo, act like another child, expect you to mother them, not say please and thank you ....)

Anyway, for what its worth...
Last to bed sets the alarm, locks the windows and doors
No phone calls over 1 hour, no phone calls to mobiles
Keep the children safe at all times
Don't download anything onto the PC at all
Only answer the phone if you are sure you can take a message
Don't let anyone in hte house without our prior permission

Thanks OneLieIn.

Is this your first au pair or are you an old hand at this? I'm trying to keep expectations low, and then maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised!

Hello lovely ladies... I'm back! Sorry for the lack of contact but it's been Xmas my way which is always manic.
How are you Marmaduke? Haven't seen you around in ages...I'll email you.
Hi Weegle,..Glad to hear things are going ok .... Is the AP helping you ok?
Stressed...sorry I haven't had a chance to reply will do asap.
Millarkie,..feel free to CAT me lovely.
x

I agree with low expectations.

You have to decide what is most important to you, and be more flexible on everything else.

There is no such thing as a perfect aupair (or family, for that matter).

Thanks SqueakyPop.

Welcome back Ingles - I'll CAT you, thanks

Oh, and AP has (at last) emailed back and been very relaxed about the spare bed/mattress on floor scenarios. Her mum is wanting to stay from a Sat morning and leave Tues morning so not too bad since it's over a weekend (as long as I don't have to cater for her or entertain her - will be making it clear to AP that I'll do a meal for the Saturday night but she's on her own for the rest of it (and i still need her to watch the kids for an hour on the Monday).

You sound fine Millarkie (referring back to your op and then your last post.) I haven't had an e-mail from you, just for you to know that I'm not ignoring you!

Hi ingles! Good to see you.

Hi Simply
How are you?

We have a double bed in our aupair's room, and when they have a female friend over, they just stay there.

One aupair had her father to stay, and she slept in one of the DD's bed, and the two DDs doubled up in the same room.

Having guests is a priviledge, so they are usually willing to do what it takes. On the same note, you want your aupair to be happy, so having children double up is a price worth paying.

SqueakyPop - problem is I've already had to get the kids to double-up because I foolishly stripped the wallpaper in both of their rooms ready for the decorator (this was at half term which shows how long we've been strung on for by said decorator). So dh and I in one room, dc in next room (with furniture for that room plus the furniture from their own rooms), 2 stripped rooms (no curtains or furniture in), and AP's room. I originally offered to put up AP's boyfriend for a couple of nights because I thought I had a spare room, but looks like we won't be back to normal until October now (unless I do the wallpapering...and that might last til October anyway!)

I'm feeling more positive since my antibiotics has kicked in and kids are recovering too.

I'm glad you (and DC) are feeling better.

I had a look at my house rules and they are similar to ones on here re house security and child safety.

I also have some that relate directly to DS' condition (eg DS must eat every 2 hours, so take a smoothie and rasin box with you at all times, DS must not be left unattended in the garden or house etc)

I also get them to fill in a sheet with important information - next of kin, home address, blood type, allergies etc in case one ever has an accident.

I also make requests like "If you are going to use warm wax in your bedroom please cover the floor with a towel from the top shelf of airing cupboard." and "Do not put anything other than small amounts of tissue down the loo, any sanitary products need to go in bags and in the bin ." [bitter from previous expensive experience]

We have a septic tank so will also be handing over perfumed bags (well, nappy sacks) and giving instructions not to put anything except paper in the loo. Hadn't given a moment's thought to warm wax though!

Good idea about contact details etc. Will do that.

I've started a list but I must be a control freak because it's growing out of control. I've not had this problem with my nannys - I've got a 'handbook' that I give them but they are live-out so I guess that 's why there's so much more to the AP one.

Warm wax was from past experience on a 4 month old carpet!

It is not on my house rules due to the list getting wildly long and out of control at one point! But there are a few things that I bring up on the initiation inital chat and that is one of them.

I'm fine thanks ingles, especially now first ap has gone home though house is becoming a tip and it has only been 2 weeks! Our next one (found for us by N) is due at the end of the month. She sounds much more suitable so fingers crossed!

Marmaduke Thanks for your post. I leave the box with purple bags in in the bathroom and there is a bin there but I should be more specific I guess to avoid potential blockage problems. Your point about warm wax is a good one, too. I was shocked at how my ap would sit on a light coloured Laura Ashley sofa (in my defence, my kids are now teenagers) with her fountain pens and painting chalks and be miffed when I asked her to move to a table to avoid potential damage. There wasn't a desk in her room which I think was a mistake as her pine dressing table is a lot more marked now than previously. I couldn't get a worktop protector to fit the dressing table unfortunately, only for the chest of drawers. I've got a spare desk now so that's in the room now ready for the next ap. I put a huge IKEA red rug in the room which has taken the brunt of things. I hadn't thought of blood type and allergies, so thanks for that tip, too.

Millarkie My list is too long I think but from my last experience I think it's better to put in even obvious things (like being tolerant and kind to the kids) as it is surprising what aps can do/say to them. I e-mailed to our next ap last night and said that I'd written something up and that it was for all potential aps so not to be surprised that I put in rules about i.e. smoking when she has said she doesn't. Has my CAT come through yet?

gosh you must have had weird aupairs to have to mention thing like cover the carpet if you are ging to be messy. i guess it's diffucult to judge the ap but i would also mention that you had a nightmare aps before so that's why you have all these rules. as someone with more common sense could be offended.

Simply Nope CAT hasn't arrived yet. I'll email you when it does though.

catepilarr I thought that too about someone with common sense being offended but having had the experience I have with my last ap (who also was completely unapologetic when she got charcoal all over a white cotton pillow case and not at all bothered when I had to pre-treat it before washing it and then pre-treat it before washing it a second time to get the marks out and she was there and was not at all bothered whilst I was doing it) then I look at it from a different angle now. I have pre-warned our next ap that the rules list is for all potential aps and that some might seem really obvious to her but might not to others.

Millarkie ingles has (if she has still got it) my e-mail address so if you're in touch with her, she can pass it on to you. By the time the CAT is through, though, I think you'll be all sorted!

Hi Ingles
Welcome back!
New AP is definitely helping me in so far as the housework is concerned (although she does need more reminding/guidance than our old one, but she's getting better). With DS it's harder work for me at the moment because he's clinging to me. But that is gradually improving and she has taken him to the park a few times, and is taking him swimming tomorrow so that at least gives me a break! I'm sure that side of things will improve in time. I think she will be a good one, not great but good. I can't wait for college to start in Sept though as she has no real means of making friends and so isn't going out. DH and I needed to have a blazing row on Fri night and I didn't feel relieved of my rage by having the argument in hissed whispers in the kitchen!

Millarkie... I haven't had a CAT from you love.....Did you send one?

Hi Weegle
Well she sounds like a definite improvement on N! I'm really pleased for you. R is around this month with not much to do as we're camping. Maybe they can meet for a coffee?

Marmaduke... Email on it's way to you now.

Hi Ingles, I've sent the CAT but I think it can take some time at weekends.

Have spent this evening 'trying out' AP's room now that it has new furniture and layout and dh's pride and joy - a computer that doubles as a tv. It's very cosy - nicest bedroom in the house now so I've threatened dh with moving in there myself