Is my baby’s childminder being unreasonable?

[MissDutch]

Since going back to work in August, my 11 month old has been with a childminder a couple of days a week and has had on and off sniffles and cold symptoms. The days where she’s had a high temperature / isn’t herself, we’ve kept her off. We’ve sent her in if she’s in good spirits but has a slight cough cold. Her cough seems to have progressed and she has been a bit phlegmy. I messaged the childminder last night to let her know and she said she can’t take her (fair enough). She then messaged and said to not send her in if she’s had an unsettled night either (she isn’t a great sleeper). She said she has other children to look after and she doesn’t enjoy the activities in the day as much if she hasn’t slept well. Is this fair? I still have to go to work after an unsettled night. I understand sickness to some degree but surely you can send your child in if they’re a little bit cranky? She’s teething at the moment so unsettled nights are happening more often than not. It would be great to get another view on this..

I don't think I agree with the unsettled night bit, but I do agree with not sending her if she is unwell. She can always nap more at the child minder's home?

What does a little bit cranky mean? Is she screaming all day?
Childminder still needs to go to the library, playgroup, school runs etc

unwell yes. Cranky no. Is she still expecting you to pay if you keep her home cause she’s cranky?

Don't tell her when she's had an unsettled night

That's daft, of course you send her in if she's not unwell. Your childminder is being massively unreasonable.

Honestly, how on earth does she expect working parents to work if they're keeping their child at home after an unsettled night, as well as the million illnesses they get.

Cranky doesn’t mean screaming all day - maybe a little bit more moany than usual and needing a nap. The childminder gets them to nap at the same time so if you have a child that hasn’t slept well not being put down for a nap until 2 in the afternoon of course she’s going to be a bit moany. I keep her off when she’s really unwell, I wouldn’t send her in poorly. She is teething so she’s not sleeping too well but I can’t do much about it. I can’t take that much time off work.

I absolutely agree with you. If baby is showing signs of something infectious and/or has a or D&V obviously they have to stay home but anything else then they should be fine to go to childcare. First winter she will probably have a permanent cold, they all do, the childminder will know this and as you say lots of babies are poor sleepers so that’s not a reason to keep her home either.

Honestly it sounds like the childminder can’t be bothered and based on your update about sleep also isn’t very experienced with babies because most 11MOs, even ones in perfect health that slept through last night, wouldn’t make it until 2pm in the afternoon for a nap. 15 months is the average age to drop to 1 nap and you can’t expect a baby to be on the same schedule as toddlers. It seems obvious that she’ll be cranky and I’m not a childcare professional?! And not being able to tailor a routine to what the baby needs is shit tbh, a nursery baby room would do better and they wouldn’t be refusing on the basis of a cold or being tired because those are just normal baby things!

I'd start looking for a new childminder. While of course you shouldn't be sending an ill baby in, this one sounds like she's going to be making constant excuses for why she can't take your child. You'll end up paying her a fortune for part-time childcare and losing or having to leave your job because you're so unreliable. While there are rules as to exclusions for very good reasons, there needs to be some understanding from your childcare provider that you're paying her because you need to work. She shouldn't need pressurising you to keep a cranky child home.

Look for a new childminder, her expectations aren't reasonable re the unsettled night. Is she also not putting an 11 month old for a nap until 2pm? That's ridiculous.

@Mcginty57 I said this to her at the beginning! I mentioned that my LO has 2x naps a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. She said they all sleep around the same time and she can’t do anything about that as they go to playgroup in the morning. This is my first child so I thought that must be pretty normal considering how many children they have. I’m now starting to think I should look elsewhere as I’m just worried she’s either slightly lazy or doesn’t know how to manage various ages.

Most cm plan a sleep 1230/230 so that they can do school run if have one

Mornings usually at a M&T /activity

But sure your baby will sleep/nap in the buggy am and then longer sleep after lunch

But yes if poorly don't go but if tired due to bad night obv send

If you can I would either find a nursery who will have specific rooms for the different ages and therefore able to accommodate naps (when mine dropped theirs before other children they went into the next room to play so as not to disturb the sleeping ones)

Or find a childminder with similar ages kids or who can accommodate

I think sometimes parents under estimate the effects of a screaming baby on a group. Ofsted don't give two hoots why a child is screaming, they will just mark the CM down for not having all the children engaged.

She's a baby they get cranky

Your childminder is been daft

Fair doos if theybare properly poorly keep them home but having a bit of a bad night is no reason to keep her off child minder is just been lazy and not wanting to deal with crying and clingy baby Id be hunting for a new child minder

I think Ofsted will care more about whether she is able to meet the needs of each individual child, not whether she is forcing an already tired, crying baby to try and enjoy an activity for the sake of ‘the group’.

I’d be looking for a new childminder if I were you, or a nursery so she’s with other kids her age and the routine is more suited to her!

My advice is say fine, ok, I'll keep her home and just not tell her if your daughter hasn't slept well. And if she can't facilitate your 11 month old napping earlier (for eg if she won't sleep in buggy etc) then start to look for a new childcare setting or new minder right away so the situation doesn't go on for long.

I don’t think this is the setting for you, she can’t tailor the day to fit in your dds routine. This is why we went with nursery as it’s a lot less strict on timings for everything to big as they have more staff so babies can nap when they want and be cranky if they want!

Your child isn't going to the childminder for the purpose of enjoyment. Your child goes to the childminder because you need to work and have a job. Employers may be understanding about parents of young children needing random days off if the child is actually unwell but would not generally grant a day off every time a child has a bad night. You therefore need a childcare solution that will still be in place even if your child has a bad night, assuming no illness. If this childminder is so precious that she can't cope with a tired child who is a bit grumpy then she's not a good childcare solution and you need a different plan. But before you give notice try a wry eyebrow raise with comments like "well I don't get a free duvet day every time nibblet has a bad night so we'll all just have to roll with it" and if the childminder isn't batshit she'll stop suggesting such a ridiculous idea.

One nap a day is normal in most settings at this age but at 12.30 ish. I wonder if she is getting them to sleep in the buggy, making tea and then taking out asleep on the school run. I would look for a good nursery.

You've mentioned she is phlegmy, is she well in herself and doesn't have a temperature though? If so why the hell isn't she taking her today? Mine would be going nursery like that, as long as they don't have a temperature and are themselves (so happy to play, eat, drink etc as normal) they will take them.
I'd look at a nursery OP. Under 1s at ours can sleep whenever they need to, you wouldn't expect an 11 month old to only have 1 afternoon nap a day. She sounds shit.

This - look up average wake windrows, the poor child is being kept up way too long during the day, probably to facilitate excursions out in morning - are the other children there a bit older?

As an ex childminder my advice would be to talk to your childminder and ask what she means by ‘cranky’. She could be trying to down play it as she doesn’t want to say “she cries all day and won’t join in with activities’ when she’s tired. I imagine if she is disrupting the routine it’s really difficult for the childminder to address her needs and the other children in her care sufficiently.

Regarding sickness, I used to say that if they need Calpol to get through the day they need their Mum/a parent and to be home. It’s not fair to send them in with their germs that inevitably spread to the other children, the childminder and the childminders children. The number of times my children became ill because parents would dose up their children, send them in saying they’re fine then around lunchtime they’d get poorly or a temp when the calpol wore off. It was so obvious. Very frustrating! Then the parents complain if you have to close due to sickness (99% of the time my children or I were ill from catching something from a mindee).

Anyway, please talk to her, I’m sure she’ll explain more about what she means and why she would say that about being cranky. I’m sure she only has your daughters best interests at heart. You couldn’t do this job if you didn’t like kids!

It’s crazy and unprofessional not to accept a child just because they’ve had an unsettled night that’s not due to illness. No doubt she still expects paid! Also she can’t expect an 11
month old to last to 2pm without a sleep. At that age my daughter had a morning and an afternoon nap and shortly after 1 transitioned to one long nap after lunch but even then lunch was early- 11:30 or she’d be falling asleep in her food! Mine was an early riser though.
I’d find better childcare where the provider actually can be bothered doing their job, understands infant development and is led by their needs and not her own.

I would.advise using a baby room at nursery instead, find a good one and visit before hand to see interactions between staff and babies… baby’s sleep when they need to not on a timetable and get all the benefits of “playgroup” too… your childminder has all the children sleeping at the same time for her benefit not theirs… she doesn’t sound like she’s very understanding or caring tbh

Yeah policy at my nursery is if they need calpol they can’t come but other than that they can !

Bad nights sleep - why can’t she just let her have a morning nap then if she’s tired that would help

I’d find somewhere else