QUICK...URGENT AP HELP NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ingles2]

so after my rant last week about AP crashing the car, I talked to her about it very reasonably and calmly on Fri for 2 hours. I thought wehad sorted it. The only points I really raised were that I thought it was rude of her to not apologise at any point, and that I would like her to contribute to the excess. the car is a write off,... £1200 of damage. her fault.
I did notraise my voiceand told her that I knew it was an accident.
She has just told me...
that she wants to leave as she doesn't see why she should take any responsibility for the car. I insure it for her and therefore my problem. She will not contribute towards excess and how dare I tell her she is rude for not saying sorry.
She has just been shouting at me for 10 minutes. I have walked away so I don't raise my voice.
I'm am totally shaking.....
What do I do?????
HELP!!!!!!!!!

I'm registered on au pair world, great aupair AND new au pair. I've seen a couple of good ones for Sept start but otherwise I've had seriously dodgy responses from lots of wierd and wonderful places.
and then there was the girl I was talking to last night who's unhappy with her family. I probably shouldn't paste this but look
I am cleaning whole house, everything in house is in my charge... I earn 70 pounds. They are not include me to holiday at all. They think that they can swich me off or something, than I have to pay for my fly ticket to home, cose I dont wanna be here alone. They are going for a holiday to sky now and than for a 4 week to summer holiday. And what can I do???Thay do not even offer me car for my personal use, I am still in my room , and she is asking me why???nothing...I am comparing with my friends, aupairs here and it is unbielivable!!!It is normal to compare when you feel that something is wrong
!!!!!!!!!!!!
What can I say!

She sounds very miserable and taken advantage of, and treated unfairly too. I know every tale has two sides but I doubt she is lying/exaggerating as unfortunately IME I've seen more au pairs treated abysmally than au pairs being awful themselves. Poor girl sounds so lonely, and the host family should be ashamed of themselves. There's nothing worse than living a foreign country with a family who treat you like a slave, and don't give you the opportunity to even get out and about. Being an au pair is not a holiday by any means, however it shouldn't be slave labour and lonely like this poor lass is suffering.

I agree she doesn't sound happy, but I know where she was living and it was about 5 minutes walk from a tube station!
And I also think a lot of AP's aren't included in holidays, mine aren't, we camp and there's no room.
I DO think, infact I KNOW that AP's exaggerate. She obviously doesn't like where she is but I doubt very much that the host family warranted the vitriol she poured on them in another email.
I think the days of AP's and cultural exchange are over actually. It's easy now to get a cheap flight and visit somewhere and going on responses on here, my own experience and friends, AP's seem to think they are entitled to life of luxury n return for not very much at all.

'I think that's for the best' ???? Cheeky cow!

I do agree with you Ingles, that there is definitely an influx of young girls who have this entitlement complex: they think they should have all the luxuries but do none of the work. I meet lots of them in my line of work! I also see the other side of the coin though, the girls from Brazil who are from ridiculously poor families and lived in terrible squalor, and who realise they need to get out of that situation, so they come to the US and are willing to work hard for peanuts and the families that hire them just treat them horrifically, as they know the girl can't do anything about it, and besides, its better than what they were living in. But that doesn't make it right or fair. It's a minefield, domestic employees/au pairs. There's no way to regulate it so both the family and the au pair only act in a fair and reasonable and decent manner in order to get the best out of the situation.

ingles2, lol about the aupair sob story. I read a similar one from a Romanian aupair complaining about being treated like a slave. I totally understand about aupairs being exploited and being justifiably angry about it. But just as it is not advisable to slag off a previous employer or a previous boyfriend, it is bad form to put all that in an email. Makes you wonder whether one day you will be at the receiving end.

I wanted to mention that as you are looking for a mid-season start, you might come across aupair rescue situations. Nothing wrong with that. There are bad families out there.

Thanks blueshoes... hope you're right. Am feeling a little depressed with all my refusals.

am not at agency's statement - one agency underpaid me and I worked for them for 6 years and also got any job I interviewed for. I even got them placements. Did I get anything back - did I hell - it was only when I threatened legal action that they paid. Yet they lost a very good consultant. IMHO Anything for a fast buck.

Sorry to hear AP hunt is so quiet. I haven't had a single candidate since Saturday (and no questions returned as well!) - you are not alone. Still pinning my hopes on local AP.

do you know what - the part after £70 per week could have been my current AP. But we have asked her to come on hols, asked her to come to the caravan at the weekends, introduced her to other APs, shown her where to go to meet other APs and she still sits in her room. She does drive but we didn't want a driver and it was in our profile. She doesn't clean, we have a cleaner. I so agree about the cultural exchange and the "sheep" flight (as they say lol).

Seriously Mrs R, I think they're all like this now. I petrified about getting another, as I just can't see what else I can do/give.

Aren't they just? Just seen AP on gumtree whose english is not up to scratch after £150 a week. I did hear from a few APs that there was a TV programme on a few years ago about how lucrative an AP role was and I really think they've all been watching this.

Am setiously disheartened as well - have you thought about a NVQ student or a Nursery Assistant who needs some extra hours? Do you have a local paper/newsagent where you could put an advert?

She'll need a reference from you, get rid, god help her!

I know!...I meant to say all the candidates I've been getting from Great Aupair have been ticking the $300+ sign!!
As if I've got that sort of money....

ingles,

I'm sorry you are not having much luck.

Don't take it personally, look at me I've been looking since mid Jan! Although tbh, not very seriously as have been scared off by last experience and I don't need the sort of work cover that you do (just to help keep me sane ).

I look hard for a week or so then get p*ed off with how many hours I am spending with such little return and stop. A week passes and then (usually after a stressy tea-time) I have another hunt.

Blue-shoes is right, a mid-season start is usually a non-fit of family/ap.

I happen to think I treat mine well and that we are a great family to AP for, as I'm sure you are, I've upped my pay scale and benefits - still no immediate joy!

ingles2 I did think of posting this the other day but thought it might be of no interest to you but what the heck! I've been in touch with a number of girls and if you needed a lovely sounding (I've received a number of e-mails from her) female German au pair for the summer (approx 25 July to 13 Sept), let me know. I think she speaks English, French and Spanish also. Her English is pretty good. I wish that we needed an au pair for the holidays as she seems so nice but we really don't until Sept and a month is her minimum which is fair enough.

Thanks Marmaduke and Ruby.
She sounds great Ruby, but I'm really looking for someone to start now and stay until Sept. Clouds agency hasn't come up with anyone yet so I have my fingers crossed.

Sudden inspiration... Ingles, the (uni's & colleges I think) break up for a month tomorrow. It's late in the day, but perhaps you can get an advert up at Wye college or Kent Uni asking for help in the hols? Or even better Christ Church college, which has all the childcare courses...I put an ad up once at K&C uni for an AP and was swamped with applications. Might help you out in the short term while you find the right person....

How's the hunt going? For me, sent off loads of questions and not a single reply from APWorld.

Shame you don't need a cleaner - check out the heading!!

Actually, on second thoughts, I'm moving to Kent and we can do a AP/Cleaner share - how about that?

What? You are moving to Kent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

check out the link!!

Ah yes, taste and class. That's what Kent is all about

think I'm going to join your weekend in Kent squiffy - but I might be a few days early (timed to coincide with arrival of new cleaner )

ingles2 That's fine. I was going to tell you about another au pair I'd been in touch with last year who is at the Uni of East Anglia and is bi-lingual English and French with previous experience. I decided to send her a quick e-mail to see how her studies are going as my e-mail address has changed since we were last in touch. Then I went to make an appointment with someone I've recommended to several people - a medical practitioner. When I googled to find her tel number (I'm well overdue an appointment) I found she's been suspended by the relevant body for professional misconduct! So I'm sitting here with a big hat with a D on atm. When I'm next in work I'm going to e-mail a colleague and let him know that my recent recommendation is no longer. Doh!

PMSL Mrs R, don't think he'll sort out my childcare problems, but he certainly cheer me up!
Just asked dh if he'd clean in the buff for me... he refused..what a meany!
Thats a good idea Squiffy, I might have to give that a go.
Still absolutely nothing on AP W / GAP etc etc Is it always like this?
That's slightly scary Ruby,... blimey I wonder what she did
Anyway, I've been at work for a couple of days so I'm off to trawl Au Pair World
Thanks for you continued support everyone x

I don't believe that aupairs are responsible for car damage. Speaking as an employee with a company car who has crashed said company car (on the school run), employees DO NOT have to contribute unless you made it a condition of the employment contract.

Although she does sound like a nightmare.