QUICK...URGENT AP HELP NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ingles2]

so after my rant last week about AP crashing the car, I talked to her about it very reasonably and calmly on Fri for 2 hours. I thought wehad sorted it. The only points I really raised were that I thought it was rude of her to not apologise at any point, and that I would like her to contribute to the excess. the car is a write off,... £1200 of damage. her fault.
I did notraise my voiceand told her that I knew it was an accident.
She has just told me...
that she wants to leave as she doesn't see why she should take any responsibility for the car. I insure it for her and therefore my problem. She will not contribute towards excess and how dare I tell her she is rude for not saying sorry.
She has just been shouting at me for 10 minutes. I have walked away so I don't raise my voice.
I'm am totally shaking.....
What do I do?????
HELP!!!!!!!!!

Well, she's gone..!
Without a backwards glance or a goodbye to the kids, actually I"m quite pleased about that, ds's don't seem to care at all
I feel like I've been bashed with a sledgehammer! My head is just spinning and I'm so incredulous at what she has to say. I did actually, ask her what would happen if she crashed her parents car, she said, I'd have to help pay, but you're not my parent, just my employer. I had to reply that she'd been happy to take all the benefits from a pseudo parent.
I know my agency are going to be crap, she used to be an AP herself and ALWAYS comes down on the side of the AP. I've seen it from friends when they've had problems. Afterall Ex cow AP has spoken managed to speak to agency today, who said they will place her with another family straight away. No one has returned my calls!
Right, off to write a snotty email.
Thanks forall your support guys! What would I do without mumsnet....

So in the end she decided to leave of her own accord? The agency should definitely help you then, as your ap has left without giving her two weeks notice.

What a nightmare all round. We've got a spare car (well not spare, but DH car shares, so only takes it one week in three), and part of me wonders if I should offer to insure our ap on it. However, as I don't need her to do any driving for me, I'm not going to insure her on it as it's just another area for problems to arise. Obviously you don't have a choice in your area.

I think since she was at fault, and driving for her own benefit (back from college?), she should have paid something towards the excess.

Don't do it Laura!!!!!!
1/ costs a fortune!
2/they take the mickey!

Ingles,

TBH, I am pleased for you that she's gone.

It's a pity the agency she's with don't investigate before simply placing her again (Maybe she's even done it before being placed with you? )

But, you don't need someone like this in your house. Looking after your kids.

I do hope that you are able to find a solution to next week and also longer term! I'd find a new agency!

I would write the agency a formal letter informing them of the circumstances of her departure. If they don't take any action and you find out where she has gone, I would share that information with the new family (and all of my friends) so they know exactly how the agency operates.

Oh, and I would definitely name and shame the agency on here so that other mumsnetters looking for an au pair can be forewarned.

And... I would separately demand that the agency send me three suitable replacement candidates for interview in the next seven days.

Is there anything in your contract with the agency which says under what circumstances they will / will not send you a replacement?

If they didn't send me a replacement, I would send them a stroppy letter asking for my agency fee to be refunded in full.

I am so on your behalf. How dare they treat you this way when you are the paying customer.

Which agency did you use? I'd hate to think another MNer ended up with her...

Hi Squiff.

So I've sent said snotty email to agency and had an out of office reply...
guess I'll have to wait....
I'd love to name and shame but actually I'm pretty obvious on here so better not,...a libel/slander case is all I need!

They must have more e-mail addresses.

I've just had a phonecall from the agency, ...
Not the woman in charge, who's away till monday.
So I told her the whole story, she apologised (!, if only the AP had!) and said owner will call 1st thing monday.
you never know, I'm now up to 15 messages on APW,..I might find someone by then

could you give us a clue?
it sounds like a agency I know... I'm trying to think of non obvious clues!!

a childs game maybe??

I didn't read your original thread on the car crash but I must say I would think that the excess on the car is your responsibility tbh. If I damaged or lost something belonging to my employers I would not expect to be asked to pay an excess.

One of my colleages for eg left a laptop on a train the other week and he didn't have to pay anything.

If as part of her role (eg picking up/dropping off kids) she crashed the car then I think it is up to you to pay.

She sounds like a mare talking to you like that though and you are better off without her.

do you think countess? She wasn't driving for me at the time though, she was at college. I guess I feel I can only take responsibility for them whilst they're at home or working for me really. And I wasn't planning to get her to pay a fortune, just a token.... somebody said before how I feel is all tied up with the fact she wasn't bothered, or apologised. If she'd been at all sorry I probably wouldn't have suggested it...
Anyway, she's gone now...and she was a cheeky mare (isn't that part of another thread?? )

missie...nope...a bit of a sweet maybe

Ingles, what a pita! Bloody cheek of the girl. I am on your behalf.

She's really left you in the lurch, I cannot believe the agency would place her so quickly now they know the whole story.

I can't even think of anyone who has a 'spare' AP for a few weeks, is there a mum from the DCs school who could impromptu 'childmind' for you for the week?

At least mine going doesn't cause too many problems as I only work a few house from home.

I am sorry that this has happened.

I DO think she should've paid part of the excess as it was her incompetence that casused the accident.

Hi Marmaduke!
you're absolutely right ...pita!!!! mind you mumsnet is making me feel sooo much better.
Can't believe your story about the water tank!
Was that the french AP?
Must organise large glasses of vino very soon

I think Countess actually will not be alone in her view. I'm not sure I agree, but I do know that agencies will advise that au pairs should not be responsible for car damage. However, I'm not really inclined to think that agencies expectations are often reasonable.

I think the real issue is her attitude and the fact that she ran out the door without notice. Surely she ought to pay you the two weeks of wages for the notice period she failed to work. But, you'll never get it.

I suppose you just have to move on.

I think you're right eleusis...the agency will say it's my responsibility, I think out of the amount I paid her (£100 - 150 a week) she could have handed over £50! as a token sorry gesture... but there in lies the problem...she wasn't sorry..
you're right. gotta move on!
(horrible side of me soooooo hopes she asks for a reference though!!!! )

I am in Kent. What can I do?

When one of our APs crashed our car we paid for it but 'charged' her something like 10 free weekend babysitting nights, which both sides thought fair. But then she was a reasonable girl and in floods of tears about what she had done.... so a very different situation...

Aahhh that's so sweet of you NAB but I think I'm ok,...
dh is going to take dc's to work with him on Mon not ideal, but not too bad.

Okay. I used to be an au pair and I wouldn't have dared. The only time I had words with the mother was when she was arguing with her partner and the girl woke up upset. I took her up into my room but they made her go back to hers where she could hear them.

that doesn't sound good NAB!
Where abouts in Kent are you?

I am near Maidstone.