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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

QUICK...URGENT AP HELP NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

127 replies

ingles2 · 05/03/2008 14:46

so after my rant last week about AP crashing the car, I talked to her about it very reasonably and calmly on Fri for 2 hours. I thought wehad sorted it. The only points I really raised were that I thought it was rude of her to not apologise at any point, and that I would like her to contribute to the excess. the car is a write off,... £1200 of damage. her fault.
I did notraise my voiceand told her that I knew it was an accident.
She has just told me...
that she wants to leave as she doesn't see why she should take any responsibility for the car. I insure it for her and therefore my problem. She will not contribute towards excess and how dare I tell her she is rude for not saying sorry.
She has just been shouting at me for 10 minutes. I have walked away so I don't raise my voice.
I'm am totally shaking.....
What do I do?????
HELP!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:48

tell her to pack her bags and leave now

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 14:49

Do you think Twig.....She says her contract says 2 weeks (it does) I think this is gross negligence. I can't even talk to her... and I'm stuffed for childcare..ArgH

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 05/03/2008 14:50

So you & she had the chat on Friday? And she has left it to today to have it tout with you?

I think she has had a job offer from somewhere mean time or she has had someone talking in her ear!!

Let her go & good riddance.

Youcannotbeserious · 05/03/2008 14:51

Tell her to leave immediately.

I'd also contact a solicitor about any outstanding pay / your ability to charge her for some of the excess.

I'd say you are well off out of having her about!

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 14:51

I think shouting at you is gross negligence

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 14:52

she's been talking to her boyfriend in London...
God I'm crying..
I don't think I can cope with her here for 2 weeks but I iterally live in the middle of nowwhere with no help and I have to work next week. I'm a freelancer and I've already been confirmed. I can't get out of it

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 05/03/2008 14:55

Ingles.

There has to be another way.

Ask her to leave. Get her out of the house and then have a stiff drink (or tea! ) and think about next week.

You cannot put up with this........ There must be another option..... Where abouts are you?

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 14:57

I'm in Kent,... We don't have any friends here really... andI work in London so early starts and late back

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 05/03/2008 15:02

Can you bring the kids with you and get a creche in London? Or a nanny?

I appreciate that Kent might not have great facilities, but London must have schemes?

What about your employer? (I appreciate you are freelance) Is there any chance they could come with you?

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 15:05

I was just thinking that,...my husband does the same work as me, but his client next week is really nice and I think we could......what about her though. I can't kick her out into the middle of nowhere

OP posts:
Squiffy · 05/03/2008 15:06

These people often have AP's available immediately in Kent

I would get rid of now. She will walk out herself the minute she finds something.

If she is really being a bitch to you and is not EU, you might also want to point out to her that it is in her interests to pay the excess, given that an unsponsored AP will have to leave the country...

Nightmare AP's really are a nightmare to deal with. You will be relieved once she has gone, no matter how much hassle you have finding cover in the near future.

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 15:07

Thanks Squiffy...will ring them now

OP posts:
PotPourri · 05/03/2008 15:08

Oh Ingles. poor you. as others have said, there has to be another way. Do you have a partner who could take parental leave? You need to get her away - do you honestly want her looking after your children? And get on to your solicitor.

I think shouting at your for 10 minutes is unreasonable behaviour adn you can effectively summarily dismiss her on that basis.

Do you have no friends at all? and is there any flexibility to do the freelance stuff from home a couple of days - to reduce how much you need to cover.

Squiffy · 05/03/2008 15:08

And yes, you can kick her out in the middle of nowhere. She has been incredibly rude to you and dropped you in it financially, and doesn't care. And your kids could have been injured. Is she tearing herself to pieces over this? No.

If you are feeling charitable you might offer to drop her off at Gatwick.

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:08

Get her out today. And take her house key before she walks out the door.

I agree with Twig. Shouting at you is gross negligence. It is certainly insubordination.

Tell her you will forward her wages at the end of the month. Then, at the end of the month, send her a letter explaining that you have subtracted the damages to the car from her wages which will of course leave her with nothing.

PotPourri · 05/03/2008 15:10

Other thing to consdier, is get on to local council website adn phone round a few childminders int eh area. Find out if htey woudl be willoling to d emergency care over hte next few weeks. Not sure if they are able to do that - but worth investigating (do any mn childminders know?)

PotPourri · 05/03/2008 15:11

Talk to a solicitor or Citizens advice bureau to find out your rights around the insurance thing. You might be on a sticky wicket donig what eulisis said - but wouldn't it be great if you could do that???

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:13

I once sent a nanny packing on the spot for similar behaviour. I gave her until noon to pack and dropped her off at Victoria station. She was not very happy. But she had threatened to leave one day while I was at work. DD was 14 months old and I could not go to work not knowing whether or not my childcare was going to stick around. So she was dismissed the morning after that threat.

I called a local childminder who provided cover for next two weeks while I sorted out another nanny.

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:15

If I crashed a company car, I'm sure my company would take it out of my wages.

friendlyedjit · 05/03/2008 15:28

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
It's so unsettling and upsetting. Have had several au pair dramas over the last year, and am now delighted we don't have one...

Hope you get all sorted out.

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:28

Pity it is so early in the month. Assuming you pay her monthly, this is only going to save you a few days of an au pair wage. And she is hardly going to take you to court over what £50 quid?

There is no way I would leave this girl in my house unsupervised. And I cetrainly would leave my children with her either.

The potential consequences are unthinkable.

What kind of person doen't apologise when they crash another person's car? A selfish one.

Original poster
ingles2 · 05/03/2008 15:32

Hi Guys,,..
She's just come in and said her friend is coming to pick her up now. I bloody paid her on Fri!!!!!
Am so livid and upset and now have to put on a brave face and pick up kids. I'll report back later.

OP posts:
Weegle · 05/03/2008 15:43

what a nightmare.

well don't pay her anything for this week, that's for sure. was she through an agency? if so, they should be able to help you get emergency cover for next week.

Alternatively I know a lot of childminders do emergency cover.

I'm also in Kent (west) - if there's anything I can do to help I'll try. I have an au pair, so know some of the trials and tribuations

Try this Emergency Childcare

FWIW I think you were entirely reasonable expecting an apology and something towards the excess. I did my nut trying to get an apology out of my AP last week - she's normally fantastic but she did something that took the biscuit. Did you ask her what her parent's would have expected of her had she crashed their car and been at fault?

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:50

I'd take a picture of her before she leaves so I could post it on the web and warn non-suspecting potential employers against her.

Okay, that might not be legal... but I'd probably do it if I were in your shoes.

eleusis · 05/03/2008 15:54

Actually, you what I would do? I would take her picture (but possibly not post it on the web) and I'd take her friend registration down. Then, I'd sue her for damages to the car. Even if you don't follow through, I'd at least get a letter from a lawyer saying she is being sued. That will spoil her day.

The reson for the friends registration is so that you can maybe track her down later.

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