My 4y/o will be in school from 7:30 till around 6pm

[wm2]

I’ve just been offered a new job, i assumed it was 9-5 because online it says the office closes at 5pm. I had 3 interviews and at stupidly I never asked to double check.

Once I got contract to sign it said the hours were 9-6 or I can work 8-5 4 days a week. Fridays are a late start and early finish which is great. After school club finishes at 6pm so my only option is 8-5.

breakfast club opens at 7:30am and I don’t drive so unless I get taxis to work I need to get the bus for 6:40am. My sister lives round the corner and has offered to pick my son up at 6:30 and take him to breakfast club for 7:30am.

My son needs a little time to wake up in the morning before I get him dressed so I’d need to be waking him up at 5:30am.

5:30am - 6pm seems like such a long day for someone in reception but I don’t have much choice, it’s been a struggle to find a job let alone one that’s strictly 9-5 and no weekends.

I feel incredibly guilty, is there any other single mums that had to have a routine like this? Did you see any changes in your child’s behaviour? Anything you found that helps?

Thank you

We don't live in the uk - my children have always got up early for school because of school timings where we have lived and where we are living , plus DH takes them to school as he works there.
They currently get up at 6am, get to school for around 7am (some mornings they have sort practice , if not they hang out with friends have breakfast etc ) . School starts at 8, finishes at 3:20 and most days they have an after school activity till 4:20. By the time they leave and get home it's gone 5pm.
They are completely fine. They are used to it and it's completely normal to them.

Mine did this 20 plus years ago.
DH did the drop offs and was known to dress them in their school clothes on occasion before putting them to bed (I did not approve of this, nightie off, school dress on, what was so hard?).
Practical things, packing school bag with everything needed the night before and leave by the front door with shoes, so only lunch box and drink bottle needed adding.
Packing lunch box and drink bottle night before and left on the same shelf in the fridge.
Clothes out the night before in order of putting on. ( does that make sense?)
Asking that homework be completed at after school club so home was food, bath, storey and bed.
20 plus years later, both had to learn to be reasonably self sufficient at an early age.
Now very independent women with clear goals and expectations of their partners to share the load.
Also understanding that Mum and Dad’s jobs are equally important even if they don’t generate the same income.
Hood luck, you will survive this and come out the other end.💐
Also, diligence in checking school bags for notices so you don’t get blindsided with a free dress day or similar on the morning of.

Would it help if you got a taxi in 1 or 2 mornings per week? I realise this is eating into your budget, but might help make it more manageable/relieve your guilt a little, and less taxing for your sister.

Good luck with it, and congrats on the job!

You're in a difficult position and I do sympathise
My DS3 was just 4 when he started, and I remember I used to take the pushchair for the first term to collect him
Just a thought Ring a local taxi company and ask for quotes, regular customers can set up an account and pay monthly with some firms
It may be worth costing it in to your budget. I do understand how expensive things are

Yes I think so too. If it was those hours or you'd be on the streets ok. But if you have the option I wouldn't do this

I am a reception teacher and if your child is up at 5.30am, been to his aunties, breakfast club and then to start his school day, he will be totally exhausted and maybe even emotional by 9am lessons and then he still has to get through the whole day.

I'm so sorry it sounds very complicated but this is just my honest opinion. First year of school is tough enough on the kiddies, especially the winter terms.

When your child starts to make friends, you may find there's another mum who can help you out. I used to have my son's friend round after school quite regularly, until his mum picked him up after work. I didn't want any payment as my son is an only and it gave him someone to play with for a couple of hours after school. It sounds like you are in a tricky situation OP and I hope it all works out for you.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time OP, and you're facing such a difficult situation now. Fingers crossed you're able to find a better option once you feel able to look - or maybe you find a better morningsolution once settled into the job and you can chat to managers/co-workers/other local mums etc.

If the cycle is 25 mins I do think that might be a solution to think about medium term.
The good thing about cycling is that it's very consistent in timings - so unlike bus and car you know it will take the same each day regardless of traffic etc. So if you can do it in the 25 min then leaving school at 7.30 would be fine. Or even if you could take DD to your sisters for 7.15 and cycle after that it would give her and you 45 extra mins in the morning. Appreciate you would need to save for the bike though, and if you're struggling with food then obviously that's the priority to improve your health. Just thinking of medium term options really.

Good luck in the new job and with the new routine, I'm sure you'll make it work but also really do hope it's the first step on the way to much better and more flexible job in the future.

Thank you for your advice!

A good point I didn’t know you could set up an account, I’ll give them a ring and see thank you

I was thinking to maybe to a mixture of the two, I just need to figure out how much I’d need to save a month. And thank you!

There really isn’t, or I’d work there. Lots of places like that were wanting weekends which I can’t do. Hence why I got lucky when I finally found a job that didn’t. If my sister is unwell then I just have to get a taxi.

Do you have holidays and INSET days covered too? In holidays you may find it much harder to get childcare for such long hours, INSET even more so.

Your sister hasn't done this yet. When reality sets in doing it 4 days a week whilst trying to get herself ready for school - what happens if she finds it's not realistic for her to do all the time? Or if she wants to go on holiday for a fortnight? Does she have a partner who is also happy with the arrangement in a morning four days a week?

What happens if your sister is ill one morning and can't do it?

These things are all questions you need to ask yourself and be able to have answers for, as unfortunately all are possibilities.

Is the 6.40 bus because it's far away or a lack of regular buses? How far away is the job? It's this factor is focus on trying to reduce - cycle, electric bike, bike/bus combo, walking to a different bus stop etc. this 1hr 20mins commute is what is having all the horrible knock on effects on you, DS and your sister.

You can do moped courses that take 1 day, maybe your sister would have your child one Saturday so you could do that - even if you don't want to commute to this job via moped once you've learned it would be helpful for future commuting options?

How big is the place you are working?

If it's a big company with a lot of employees, maybe put out a notice internally looking for a car share?

Or maybe put a post on your local Facebook page asking if anybody drives that route in the morning and offering a lift in exchange for a contribution to petrol money?

That’s a really punishing schedule for the two of you. I don’t envy you one bit.

The prevailing attitude on MN is that no sacrifice is too big for a career but I’m not sure I agree. As for “setting a good example” I’m not sure kids care about that, but they might care about being woken up at 5.30am and being in a succession of different childcare settings all day.

I’m sorry that’s excessively negative. Mums, especially single mums, can’t have it all. I don’t know what the solution is.

You will manage in the short term.
Longer term, really worth working for the Local authority if you can. They are very flexible. I have to work core hours - 10-noon, and 2-3. Other than that it’s up for me when I worked my 37 hours. I hybrid work , about 50:50 office and home. Some posts allow full WFH. We all use Teams for meetings and keeping in touch. Plus (unpaid) parental leave as needed. It works so well for family commitments. There are jobs of virtually every kind.

My DD (5) does 7.30-6 each day. I’m not a single parent but both myself and her dad work long hours. She’s done it since reception when she’d only just turned 4 (august baby). In fact, she’d also done it throughout nursery. She’s up at 5.30 out of choice.

It works for us and DD never seems overly tired. That said, I’m term time only so she gets a break from it every few weeks (but is still up at 5.30 🤦‍♀️).

This might be a silly idea but if your sister lives round the corner could she not come at 6:30 and take him to school for the usual start time like 8:30 ? That way she could wake him up at 7am and he gets an extra hour and half sleep.

She's already said the sister needs to leave for work at 7.30.

Would Local Authority, or University if you live near one, be a good idea to look for flexible work? In my experience they are good with work/life balance.

The amount you will pay for childcare will mean having a full time job is pointless tbh. I would look for part time position and apply for UC top up, at least till the child goes to high school.

It depends on how much she is earning. You can still get tax free childcare on before and after school, and school doesn't cost anything. It sure is long hours but you really shouldn't be encouraging claiming UC.

I'd do it, make sure you do a really fab job at work for 6 weeks then ask work if you can change to 8.30 with 30 min lunch or perhaps 8.30 5 days and miss the late start on a Friday.

Is his dad around?