Nanny - are my expectations too high?

[Tyletylertyler]

I'm employing a nanny for 21 hours a week. I'm not sure if my expectations of her are too high and I'd appreciate some opinions. I didn't go through the agency route and actually the children already knew her before she became our nanny.

My children are 6 and 4. The 4 year old likes her though I wouldn't say they are especially close after six months but the 6 year old doesn't seem to get on with her much at all. She seems to have no respect for nanny and I don't think nanny is very good with disciplining her - she can be difficult sometimes but she's always been good at nursery, at school and at after school club. I have overheard nanny talking to them sometimes and the discipline always sounds quite half hearted (almost a plea rather than any real boundaries / control).

The main issue I have with her is that she seems to lack initiative and is quite careless about things. Every time they do a messy activity there will be a new stain on the carpet (paint, slime, etc). She scratches all my non stick pans by using metal utensils in them even though I've asked her not to and put a pot of wooden spoons next to the hob. She just dumps all the kids stuff back in whatever box so their toys are never nicely put away and she'll put pens and even paints away without lids on. Shes not doing it on purpose i don't think, she just doesn't notice these things. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I feel isn't working but I think it is a lack of initiative / common sense. If I give her any feedback she gets quite defensive and I don't feel like things don't change enough.

Another example is that I have to remind her repeatedly to meal plan, I asked her to let me know in advance what she needs for meals to cook them but the week rolls around and she hasn't done it - in fact she never has. I come home and my heart sinks because the kids have often eaten no dinner (because they don't like what she has cooked) yet they will be down from the table and playing, there'll be a new stain on the carpet, the toys are all chucked in random places and there will be some mess in the kitchen. She's always 5 minutes late. It's all little stuff but it's building to a point where I feel like she's just not a good fit. She's quite young still and i feel like she requires lots of input from me.

She is my first nanny and I am worried I am just being way too fussy and need to relax a bit. I don't know how much time I should give this.

A couple of things.

If she’s only there two days a week how is she supposed to meal plan, do you tell her what the Dc have eaten the rest of the week or are you ok with her repeating meals. If I were you, I’d just buy the food and ask her to cook it.
The stains on the carpet- is there an area which is carpet free for the Dc to do these messy activities? If not, you need to provide one. Carpets, children and painting so not mix.
I don’t think £15 an hour is a fair wage for looking after children all day, cleaners get paid more than that.

Why can't you plan the meals for the whole week, do the weekly grocery shop as normal and then just tell her what's for dinner on the days she works? It seems a bit of a round about way of doing things to push for her to meal plan for two days and then you have to shop separately for those meals when you could just include her in your weekly plan

I agree to look elsewhere, more because I'd be concerned at the lack of interest the children seem to have with her- I'm a nursery nurse, and we form good bonds with our children. I can't imagine them being pretty unbothered by us after all that time, I think maybe they're picking up on her apathy too?

We had a great nanny for our first child but a dreadful one for the second. We should have fired her. I can guarantee that unless your current nanny is held at gunpoint she is just going to carry on doing the same things. She is careless and slapdash and she is not going to change.

Agree. For nannying two children all day, including activities and meals, she should be on at least £25-30 an hour. OP is paying basic wages and expecting a more than basic return. You get out what you invest in, both in communication and pay. I think OP is not a good employer from the sounds of this thread and bad employers get bad employees 🤷‍♀️

Discipline is hard for a nanny. Kids tend to be on their best behaviour at school/nursery, and you can't really expect them to keep that up all afternoon/evening once they're home. And with the food - just do the meal planning and shopping yourself and tell her what needs cooking each day.

That aside, if it's not working it's not working. My kids are not the easiest, so I'm happy to put up with a bit of a slapdash approach around the house. But the difference is that my kids absolutely adore their nanny. They have fun, they're safe and happy - I'm happy.

Ps I pay £25/hr for 3 primary aged kids, wraparound care only.

I pay my cleaner more than what you are paying someone to look after your children!

Is she trained and qualified?

Agree with others that she doesn’t sound like a good fit. You’re never going to find Mary Poppins, but there should be at least one thing that you can say that’s “standout” good about her when she’s looking after your kids. So - if the kids have really bonded with them, you can overlook a bit of mess. If she’s a terrific cook, then you might be more relaxed about a more limited range of activities (or vice versa - if someone has them out and about and stimulated, then beans on toast isn’t the end of the world). But you seem very “meh” about her in total. And if she feels the same about her job, it’s not great all round. I’d look for someone else.

In what way is this lady a nanny? I expect a nanny to have had training and know, for instance, about getting children to do what they want them to. It sounds to me as if she's unqualified as well as inexperienced and you're probably getting her for less money than you would a proper nanny. Maybe you need to upgrade.

This. Your expectations will depend on how much you pay her.

On face value on your OP, she's not the right fit for your children/family but with high expectations, comes high remuneration.

My advice is to have a good talk with her. Maybe she's finding it difficult to discipline your 6.y.o because you both have different parameters about what "discipline" means. Have you given her a list of meals your children like/dislike? Have you talked in length about their personalities, their quirks, and how they respond to their carers?

Nannies need time to know the kids, and it's essential they have active communication with the parents so everyone can be on the same page.

If you are still unhappy, terminate her employment. She is not giving you/your children what you need.

Forget the meal planning, buy stuff you know they'll eat and tell her to cook that, make it easy stuff so she's got more time to tidy away.
Have review with her and explain about tidiness and putting down covers for messy play.
In review listen to her too, there may be things she needs to raise with you

Is she qualified?

And why would you have someone your child doesn't like?

I think its better for you to meal plan & get food to cook rather than her as its only 2 days and she might be cooking what they had the day before. But she really doesnt sound very interested in the job…

She doesn’t sound very good.
get rid

Presumably that's the nanny's only break though? So I wouldn't expect her to meal plan during it.

as someone else says how does she know what your children have eaten the other 5 days? I’d suggest you plan the meals and just let her know what to cook. That way your children will eat something they like.

Why does she have to meal plan? Just make sure there is stuff in that she can give to the kids that you know they like

I don't understand why she needs to meal plan when she only works 2 days a week? Surely YOU meal plan, buy the food and just tell her what to cook on those days??? Are you telling me you purposely only buy plan food for 5 days for your children and expect her to do the other two days? That makes no sense.

Why are people going on about meal planning like it's hours of work. It takes 10 minutes to write a shopping list for a few basic meals. It's only 2 days a week, she can do the same meals every week if necessary.

You don't like her and neither do your children. That's enough in my opinion. Give her notice and recruit again. This time you'll have the benefit of this experience to help you decide which questions to ask and duties to stipulate in your recruitment process.

If I’ve read your last post correctly, £14-15 p/h would be her new hourly rate if she got her pay rise. What are you paying her at the moment OP?

She sounds more like a babysitter than a Nanny. I would ditch her and get someone more experienced.

How much are you paying her right now? You say you'd be looking for someone new paying 14/15 pounds/h working 21 hours a week.......how many daily hours you expect your nanny to work?

The pot thing would be enough for me.

How difficult is it not to use metal on non stick.

That would piss me off no end.

My teens got that first time round.

Get rid, she's either lazy or dim, or both.