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Dismissed our nanny - strange attitude - what do you think?

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 22:54

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llareggub · 11/02/2008 22:57

What was the reason for the dismissal?

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:00

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:03

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avenanap · 11/02/2008 23:08

She's probably after a good reference. You should tell your son that she's gone to work somewhere else or he'll become really upset and keep asking for her. tell him that she's gone to look after another little boy and that she'll think about him all the time. It's probably a lie but it'll make him less anxious. Good luck

controlfreakyagain · 11/02/2008 23:09

surely you need to find a way of being honest with him at a level he can understand? x wont be helping to look after you anymore..... but y will..... he deserves not to be tricked i think.... how do you expect him to trust what you say?

what you have said about the real reasons for sacking nanny sound ing. is he calm because she has fleeced you in ways you don't yet know about? taken out other loans and defrauded you but you havent discovered it yet

how are you going to write a reference for her if you havent faced up to her about her behaviour? or will you just say she's great...

ShinyDysonHereICome · 11/02/2008 23:10

Well I think the refusal to retrieve your knickers was in itself a sackable offence

Children are far more resilient than you think, try to be positive in the way you explain it to him IE "Granny is coming to look after you and you will have so much fun!"

If you're concerned about her being unprofessional in her last few days have backup childcare arrangements in place just in case you need to end things a few days earlier. It's her responsibility to sort herself out IMO but nice of you to be concerned!

colditz · 11/02/2008 23:10

If you don't tell your son she has gone, he will never trust you to come back again when you say "coming back soon". If she's not coming back, he needs to know. I actually can't believe you're considering not telling him!

llareggub · 11/02/2008 23:12

ooh, are you the knickers and ghost person? Great threads.

Is it possible for you to give her some time off to go job hunting?

ShinyDysonHereICome · 11/02/2008 23:13

I do think you should tell him she's not coming back, give him a weeks warning, explain that she needs to go and help some other children now. Talk lots about the things that Granny will do when she looks after him.

Might be a nice idea to make a goodbye card with him, for some closure at least.

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:17

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ShinyDysonHereICome · 11/02/2008 23:20

Can you make alternative arrangements for her final week?

You really don't sound like you trust her

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:21

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llareggub · 11/02/2008 23:22

With the issues you have mentioned I am surprised she is still with you, working out your notice. Sounds like you had grounds for summary dismissal, no?

Obviously I don't know the history but you don't sounds overly trusting of her. Could you just pay in lieu now to get rid?

K20 · 11/02/2008 23:22

You haven't dismissed her, that is letting her go immediately. You have given her notice which is quite different.

You should have dismissed her for what she has done immediately

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:23

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ShinyDysonHereICome · 11/02/2008 23:24

Why did you dismiss her?

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:24

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llareggub · 11/02/2008 23:24

I am sure a week or so being spoilt by MIL will iron out any residual loyalties. Personally I would try and give some sort of basic story, lots of cuddles and lots of distraction for a few weeks.

HonoriaGlossop · 11/02/2008 23:25

You really really must tell your son the truth. Tell him in advance that Granny will be coming and as shiny said, talk about and plan what they'll do together so that he has a positive focus rather than just missing the nanny.

You're fooling yourself if you think it will be easier on him if you tell him she'll be coming soon. Easier on you, yes, but not on him. Children of that age are able to understand HUGE amounts. A child who keeps asking and is told 'x is coming soon' and then x doesn't ever come, does not just 'forget', they stop asking because they sense and realise that the reply they're getting is not honest. They kind of give up but it's a confusion rather than a 'it doesn't matter' thing.

You really can deal with this in a positive way for him. Telling him she'll be coming soon would be the worst thing you could do.

llareggub · 11/02/2008 23:25

Probably irrelevant now but you just need a reasonable belief that she did things rather than the ability to prove beyond all reasonable doubt. Trust your gut.

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:26

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HonoriaGlossop · 11/02/2008 23:28

I don't think it would be good, as you say, to tell him she's gone to look after another child! You don't really need to say where she's gone, only that she's not going to be looking after him but that Granny WILL be.

he may not even ask where she's gone; if he does you could say she has gone home to her own house.

I doubt you'd have to get deeper into it than that.

controlfreakyagain · 11/02/2008 23:28

i think you may be suprised by his resiliance if you are straightforward with him.... our last nanny looked after ds2 for YEARS from 9 months... and they were v close.... but he took her moving on v much in his stride much to my suprise.... if he is upset then that's a valid response and you will manage his unhappiness. at least ypou wont be making him feel unsure whether to trust you or not!

cant believe you are turning blind eye to nanny trying to steal / defraud....

HonoriaGlossop · 11/02/2008 23:29

don't say she'll come soon, unless she'll COME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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lisalisa · 11/02/2008 23:29

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