Dismissed our nanny - strange attitude - what do you think?

[lisalisa]

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I never heard about the dog saga but I would keep a very close eye on the future and watch what is going on with the soon to be ex nanny. I would also stipulate no socialising with the new nanny and the old one.

I used to be a nanny in my previous life and stayed with one family from when the baby was 5 months until they moved away just before he was four. That child meant everything to me and there was nothing I wouldn't have done for him. But he was their son and I would never have said joked about taking him with me, nor followed them when they moved. (though I know you think there is nothing ulterior with these plans. Funny she didn't tell you she had viewed a house at the end of the road...)

I just have a really bad feeling about it.

lisalisa, your nanny seems to make rather inappropriate 'jokes', particularly about taking ds with her . Strange not to mention she was moving into the same road earlier. Tongue-in-cheek about going to the same school?

Just to be safe, I would change the locks. Nutter alert.

How is it going today?

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I'm in the change locks camp, V strange.

I think you need to leave it now tbh. By his answer that he wanted to swim now he is not going to be distraught and heart broken when nanny doesn't come on Monday. Don't keep repeating it. If he asks for her, just say remember she isn't going to come any more. The fact that she is going to live at the end of the street will make it hard for him to accept and believe you that she has gone away to her parents.

You def need to change the locks and any alarm codes. She has to give back anything she has that is personal and I think you need to learn from this.

Your nanny is someone who looks after your child when you can't. Not someone who becomes your childs whole world to the point you are worried about getting rid of them should the need arise. I speak as someone who was a nanny and completely in love with one of my charges.

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I meant learn to have the confidence to get rid of a nanny sooner when she isn't up to scratch without putting so much on your child. Children are very matter of fact about things and if you expect there to be a problem you will more than likely make one imo/e.

I am just trying to help, btw, not being confrontational or bossy.

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I feel you are making him feel like it is huge thing that the nanny is leaving without giving him the chance to show he is fine with it.

I am merely posting my opinion. Obviously it isn't wanted so I will leave this now.

I didn't realise she is a 'grown up' with her own dd and partner. If he sees her in the future, as she's going to be living close, you could tell him that she has her own home and family now.

that won't traumatise him!

i think you shouldn't worry so much. i understand why you are, of course, but I do think you are VERY anxious about this and I don't think you need to be

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There is a difference between it not being a big deal and telling a lie.

People were advising it would cause a problem if you lied to him about her coming back not that it was going to be a huge deal iirc.

You are right to consider her leaving not a big deal - you lying to him by saying she would be coming soon is not doing that.

Lisalisa
Do you plan to do anything to see if she's done something you're not aware of - i.e. check Experian or another credit agency for cards/loans in your name, and the like?

Might be an idea. But then again you haven't gone into that whole situation too much, maybe you've got that all in hand.

does she know tehre's a morning nanny coming?

if you don't feel like thinking about all this now apologies.

This thread is about helping Lisa, not criticising her for worrying about the welfare her precious boy. I know you mean well, NAB, but I think it's time to back off.

Lisa, I do think you might be surprised at how this doesn't affect him. I was really worried that DD was going to be traumatised. Where in fact, not giving her a cookie on demand is 6am has been known to have a much greater impact on her emotional stability. She was fine. She took it in stride and just carried on. He might surrise you.

Pardon?

I don't think I was criticising her for worrying about her child's welfare actually and haven't you just said pretty much what I have been saying?

lisa lisa was she called sue!!!!when i worked in wimbledon as a nanny there was a nanny called sue she looked after my employers friends kids .my employer told her friend her nanny was mistreating kids but she did not believe her.she asked her son if he liked sue the 3yr old said yes"but he knew no better as the last nanny had been horrible too".Then i had a holiday when i came back she had left her job they had given her a reference and she went to work in north london.After she had left they said she had stolen things from there house.so some other poor kids had to put up with her.she was a nasty piece of work.she smacked kids in front of me so what did she do in doors!!.she will be in her forties now so be aware!!!

sorry obviously not tarring nannies as i had a big group of nanny friends whom were lovely in wimbledon.

our lovely nanny of 5 years left, when my ds was 3.5. I thought he'd be traumatised - actually he was fine. She was married and we told him that she wasn't going to be coming every day any more because she was going to spend more time with her husband, because her husband loved her and missed seeing her. But that X was going to be looking after him instead, and lovely nanny would come and visit when she could (we parted on excellent terms and see her every couple of months).

Children at the end of the day don't really care about nannies leaving - it is surprising but they don't - they may be a little sad etc but I've never known one to be traumatised by it, as long as mummy and daddy are still there (and assuming they do have a relationship with mummy and daddy, as clearly you do with your son).

Tell him the truth - she won't be coming every day any more because she is spending more time with her husband/grandparents/paretns... that granny will be coming to look after you which is LOVELY aren't you LUCKY! Make it a positive thing. If he asks when he will see her again, tell him that she is busy for a little while but we'll try and organise something soon. After a while he'll forget that something was meant to be organised.

I would be tempted to slightly pre-empt any problems by telling her 2 days before she is due to leave, that she won't be needed for the next 2 days (obviously you will pay her anyway). Either take the time off work or ship in granny to cover. In your situation I think that little element of surprise might be a good thing, just in case she is planning anything on the last day. You don't have to give her a reason, just tell her that afternoon that she is getting the next two days off, thank you for everything you've done, goodbye. It would give you tremendous peace of mind.

And I would certainly without doubt change the locks.

Oh god I can see I'm about 5 days behind
Ignore me!!

So, how did the last day go?