Should we fire our current nanny?

[confjul]

FTM here and very confused about what to do next. We had a hard time finding a good nanny. The first one we found was at a premium price where we live. She seemed great with our baby, knew a ton of games and development stuff. However, she was a slacker. She wouldn't even pick up our baby's pacifiers from the floor and never clean a bottle or plate of the baby. Sometimes, she would even leave her plates and glasses on the kitchen counter. We fired her after 2 months.
The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties. She has been with us for 7 months. We thought all was well but then she told us all of a sudden that she wants 30%-35% increase of her salary. We were shocked. First of all, most people told us that we are paying her way more than current market and to ask for more after being with us less than 1 year? I have seen on platforms that she is actively job hunting. I have to add that this nanny also has an attitude and I was on the point of firing her 2 months ago. I guess she sensed it and she immediately corrected her behavior. There would be small things about what I wanted her to do with LO that she just totally disregarded to my face and then she would play all innocent and dumb that she didn't understand when confronted about it.
A few days ago, we have started nanny-hunting as well and we have found 2 girls (with actual qualifications and also references) for 20% less than what we pay our current nanny. My husband wants me to fire the current girl ASAP. I am also tired of her but I am also worried for LO since she became fond of the current girl. What would you do in my place?

@Cactu

Firing 2 nannies in 9 months is not a good record. Ask her honestly why she isn’t happy working for you. Most nannies stay in a job for quite a long time.

I expect being FTM has a lot to do with it. As a nanny I'd never go for a job where a parent didn't work. Too much time on their hands to critique every move 🤷🏽‍♀️

OP your responses are just confirming what people have said.

You and your husband really seem to resent the salary which is not a good vibe for anyone.

You fired a nanny who made your DD happy and was great with her over not cleaning a few plates or glasses and yet you still don’t see how high strung you are which is quite telling!

@Wroxie

Sometimes, she would even leave her plates and glasses on the kitchen counter Um... do you mean instead of washing them? In our house we don't have a dishwasher and we wash dishes once per day in one go. Maybe that's what she's used to. It's not like she left them on the floor in the hallway or something weird like that. What a strange reason to fire a nanny!

Exactly. Especially when so many nanny groups are littered with stories of babies coming it to a full dishwasher to unload and reload with dishes from the morning's breakfast etc. I do it with absolutely no issue, parents come down drop off mugs etc and go quickly back to work. I don't mind it as I have the time to do it, and they don't complain about every little thing.

@NuffSaidSam

'and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer'

What was the outcome when you reported this?!

It was closed down. It took absolutely ages, I had to keep a diary with times, then pictures, I ended up doing some videos as the pictures didn't show the full story, I had received a letter to say they investigated and didn't find anything the day the inspector came out, the children were fed, had plenty of space to play. I never seen anyone go in and check it out but that could have happened when I was out or busy. So I thought by having a camera recording it made it more clear what was happening. They threw eggs at my windows most days, threw empty beer cans and vodka bottles into my garden. Invited all their friends over and sat in the garden blasting music daily.

She is not a qualified nanny.

Majority of nannies aren't, we don't all pay thousands of pounds to go to Norland, especially when there are people like you who don't even want to pay 'above average' 😂

But most nannies have lots of relevant experience and child-related qualifications, and can command above average salaries. Good luck with your budget search

Also cleaning the mess after the child you are looking for. Sorry but this is getting ridiculous.

You said she didn't pick up pacifiers, that's hardly mess

@Moonbabysmum

FTM in this context is usually first time mum

Oh dear, MN and the bloody acronyms, thought it meant full time

I think the issue is your arent grasping is that you are an employer.

Why did you fire the first Nanny after two months rather than have a conversation about expectations and what the job involves.

And you need to be realistic as well.

Are you working - I assume it was first time mum

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I thought it meant FTM as in trans male when I first started reading it!

First, you can’t just “fire” someone you employ, you need to give them notice and pay them during their notice period.

Second, it’s pretty disruptive for your child to keep chopping and changing like this. That’s why most parents think of changing nanny as a last resort.

Third, I agree the talk of “firing” and “girl”, and the fact you’re shopping around for replacements rather than trying to fix things with your current nanny, doesn’t make you sound like a great employer.

If you want having a nanny to work out then what you do is you choose as carefully as possible (speak to references, have a paid trial day etc) and once you have found someone good you treat them really well. If there’s something you’re not happy with you speak to them professionally and kindly about it. And you encourage them to tell you anything they’re struggling with too. Treat your nanny how you would like to be treated in your job.

Good luck.

Hi OP,
It feels like there are some communications issues here that are compounding your problems. Have you tried doing reviews with your nannies? Arrange a time to sit down together after the first month and then again at 6 months maybe. In my experience it gives both you and your nanny a chance to go over whats going well and what might need some work. Its very hard working in someone's home and likewise having someone work in your home, small things tend to be made into bigger issues than they need to be, on both sides.
With your current nanny maybe you could have a sit down and figure out why she is asking for a raise, if you'd like her to stay then you could suggest implementing the raise at 1 year if things have gone well.
Do be careful with having a high turnover of nannies though, its always a massive red flag to me when applying for jobs.

I think you need to work on your communication skills to be honest. You're looking for your third nanny in less than a year ...... there's a reason for that.
There are always two sides to a story and I'd love to hear the nannies versions!
Oh and I can't abide it when employers call someone 'a girl'. I presume they've both been over the age of 16 and are women?

@Carrotca

Wow at the thought of you firing the first one who was good with your baby. Seems like you are more concerned about the house work. I'd much rather a kind caring nanny who does a brilliant job with my children.

"The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties"

Hahahahahahaha. I've been a nanny. Parents like you are actual bell ends. yes they should be cleaning after themselves. Have a quiet word. No, they aren't house keepers or maids, there to do cleaning etc. NANNY. NANNY. NANNY. FOR THE CHILDREN. for the love of God. Astounded at some people's priorities.

Nanny for the children is supposed to cook for the children, clean up after the children etc. If you think it's ok for a nanny to leave the childs dirty plates lying around, and their own, as well as refusing to even pick up a dummy, then you must have been a very bad nanny.

Having to fire 2 nannies doesn't mean you are a terrible employer, it can mean you had 2 shit nannies. I suspect OP's real problem is in choosing in the first place!

It does seem to me that a lot of people are extraordinarily casual about the serious responsibility they are taking on when they become the employer of a nanny. Like, because they work in your home, they are a domestic servant and you can just "fire them ASAP" like this is the Victorian era and you can chuck your housemaid onto the street if she doesn't scrub the pots to your liking. The salary I pay my nanny keeps the roof over her head, it enabled her to support her terminally ill husband. She's the person I rely on to keep my kids safe and happy and fed while I'm at work, to spot trouble and hold them in her arms and love them like I would. Offering a job is a big deal and you should take great care in who you offer it to. Employing a nanny is a big deal and you have to manage them. That means discussing expectations clearly, giving feedback, reviewing to see if things are working, managing an exit professionally if they are not.

You mention your husband a few times, is he the force behind giving the nannies the push? Is he just upset about the money you are paying or other things too. Or is everything jointly decided?

@MolyHolyGuacamole you seem to be intent on giving the OP a hard time…she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum. She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. She also mentioned more than just pacifiers. If you can’t give decent advice based on what the OP has actually stated, there’s no need to attack her.

OP have you spoken to your current baby about what she dislikes in her position? Is it just the rate of pay? It would be worth getting some feedback before you look at rehiring and make sure you have clear expectations for the job within their contract that they are aware of before the accept the position so that you can reach an agreement.

OP I've worked as a nanny and I am currently someone who employs a nanny.

Calling them 'girl' and talking casually about firing them is disrespectful. Your child was happy with the first one and you fired after two months for the sake of dirty dishes. Your child is happy and attached to the current one and you're being odd with her as well.

The fact that she accepted one rate of pay so recently and is now, so soon, asking for a significant increase suggests to me that the duties in the role are in excess of what she expected. Could that be the case?

Did you spend time explaining your expectations and outlining the role?

For example, I've told our current nanny to prioritise engaging and playing with the children over household chores. If she's on the floor playing with them with a stack of dirty dishes next to the sink- I am happy.

I would be equally within my rights to ask her to clean dishes and fold laundry- but then I couldn't complain if I came in to see the children parked in front of Bluey while she did it.

It's about communicating your expectations and priorities. The same as employing anyone in any role. Do you manage people in your career? A nanny isn't much different. Tell her how you define success in the role from the outset.

If you're particular- then know that about yourself and accept it. Set out a clear list of duties and expectations, don't expect her to mind read. If you want xyz done during naps or whatever, then say so.

You need to have a look at yourself before you employ anyone else or you will keep having the same issue. It's not fair to your DC to have a revolving door of caretakers

[quote DearFatties]@MolyHolyGuacamole you seem to be intent on giving the OP a hard time…she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum. She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. She also mentioned more than just pacifiers. If you can’t give decent advice based on what the OP has actually stated, there’s no need to attack her.[/quote]
She didn't say she was a first time mum, she said she was a FTM, which I have already clarified as a misunderstanding. Another PP thought it meant trans!

And as for the pay, OP hasn't clarified wha the alleged 'market rate' for her area is, despite being asked. I bet it's not that great.

But it's fine, you feel how you feel and as a nanny (who's luckily had great families but have heard far too many stories of difficult parents with unreasonable expectations) I feel qualified in my assumptions. And most of the PPs on this thread seem to be in agreement.

OP have you spoken to your current baby about what she dislikes in her position?

this made me properly lol. OP should definitely have the baby give the nanny - and her - a performance review.

Also both parties - it is a two way relationship of employer and employee. And the employee has rights as well and I am not convinced you have grasped that

'she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum'

She said 'FTM' which can also mean full time mum (same as SAHM), so it's an easy mistake to make.

'She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. '

She said the first nanny came at a premium.
She said the current nanny wants a 30-35% payrise (maybe taking her in line with the premium wage the first nanny got?)
She said the new nanny will work for 20% less than the current nanny gets.
This means the new nanny would work for 50-55% less than the current nanny wants.
That's a massive fluctuation in wages and suggests the OP has not sought clear advice on what the going rate is. Nanny rates don't fluctuate that much.

'She also mentioned more than just pacifiers'

She said she sometimes left a plate and glass on the side in the kitchen. It's hardly gross negligence is it? More a slight issue to raise in a performance review.

I don't like the use of 'confronted'

@MolyHolyGuacamole you don’t have all the facts as you’ve stated, yet you’re making assumptions and being really rude. No wonder people get so upset on MN when you decide you’re simply ‘qualified’ in your assumptions. They’re ASSUMPTIONS, not fact. But go off, keep feeling superior to strangers online.

@DearFatties the OP should be getting a hard time. The nanny relies on her wages for living, and the OP is casually talking about firing her ASAP. That is not how you treat employees. Never mind the fact that it’s illegal, it’s immoral.

And if the OP is actually in a situation where she can fire the nanny ASAP without consequence, it means she’s been employed illegally and OP hasn’t been paying NI, overtime, sickness and holiday pay etc etc which is shameful.

Either way, the OP sounds awful and its appalling that so many nannies have to work for such difficult people without proper rights