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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Should we fire our current nanny?

109 replies

confjul · 16/09/2021 10:58

FTM here and very confused about what to do next. We had a hard time finding a good nanny. The first one we found was at a premium price where we live. She seemed great with our baby, knew a ton of games and development stuff. However, she was a slacker. She wouldn't even pick up our baby's pacifiers from the floor and never clean a bottle or plate of the baby. Sometimes, she would even leave her plates and glasses on the kitchen counter. We fired her after 2 months.
The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties. She has been with us for 7 months. We thought all was well but then she told us all of a sudden that she wants 30%-35% increase of her salary. We were shocked. First of all, most people told us that we are paying her way more than current market and to ask for more after being with us less than 1 year? I have seen on platforms that she is actively job hunting. I have to add that this nanny also has an attitude and I was on the point of firing her 2 months ago. I guess she sensed it and she immediately corrected her behavior. There would be small things about what I wanted her to do with LO that she just totally disregarded to my face and then she would play all innocent and dumb that she didn't understand when confronted about it.
A few days ago, we have started nanny-hunting as well and we have found 2 girls (with actual qualifications and also references) for 20% less than what we pay our current nanny. My husband wants me to fire the current girl ASAP. I am also tired of her but I am also worried for LO since she became fond of the current girl. What would you do in my place?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Goldbar · 16/09/2021 14:09

@vodkaredbullgirl. Yes but 'why not look after your own child' has a strong ring of 'you know, like all the proper mums do'. I presume the OP isn't looking after her own child because she's working and, when she's not working, she is indeed looking after her own child.

My doctor and dentist are both women with young kids. The male surgeon who operated on me over the summer had three young children. One of my neighbours is a teacher and just going back after having her second. Another neighbour with kids works in adult education. Another is a lawyer. I would never even think of suggesting to any of them that they solve their childcare issues by 'looking after their own children' Hmm.

LIZS · 16/09/2021 14:09

You employed an unqualified person as a nanny and paid over the odds. Hmm. Do they have sole care? Are you working, in or out of home? Tbh leaving cups out was probably something you could have overlooked. None will be perfect, be prepared to compromise.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 16/09/2021 14:10

Sounds like you need to learn how to be an employer. The first one needed a chat from you about tidying up and a probation period to put it right.

Cas112 · 16/09/2021 14:11

Its seems you already made your mind up or you wouldn't be looking for a replacement anyway

J0rd0 · 16/09/2021 14:15

@Moonbabysmum

FTM in this context is usually first time mum
Thank you. Too many acronyms Smile
BalloonSlayer · 16/09/2021 14:28

"Who left in tears - if we were so horrible, why would she cry after us?"

Grin

You really think she was crying because she loved y'all so much and was going to really miss you and was really sad?

She was crying because you sacked her. She.had.lost.her job.

Flowers500 · 16/09/2021 14:28

The fact you call them “girl” just says it all. You sound like a bit of a boss from hell…

Flowers500 · 16/09/2021 14:29

@BalloonSlayer

"Who left in tears - if we were so horrible, why would she cry after us?" Grin

You really think she was crying because she loved y'all so much and was going to really miss you and was really sad?

She was crying because you sacked her. She.had.lost.her job.

Also this, you sound like you might have issues with basic empathy too…
FlowerArranger · 16/09/2021 14:31

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Sounds like you need to learn how to be an employer. The first one needed a chat from you about tidying up and a probation period to put it right.
Agree. Also this:

You should pay an appropriate market rate, screen carefully, check references very thoroughly, manage nanny professionally, which includes discussing issues as they come up and giving clear guidance

I get the impression OP may be somewhat abrasive and overly critical in her interactions with her nannies. Employing a nanny is not straightforward - you are their employer, but they share your living space and your interactions are necessarily much more intimate than with, say, you office assistant. Ultimately, for everything to be ticking along nicely there needs to be a friendly but not too informal relationship.

bg21 · 16/09/2021 14:34

do you work op?

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 14:40

You don't sound very easy to work for I'm afraid. I get a sense that you think you're better than them, a higher class maybe. Forgive me if I'm wrong but that's how you're coming across.

Frenchforkids3 · 16/09/2021 15:54

As someone who has had nannies for the last 8 years I want to say I think you might be the problem. Calling them girls. No wonder she doesn’t want to work for you. Treat your employees with more respect!
I don’t think you’re cut our to hire a nanny, perhaps look at a child minder? A good nanny is worth their weight in gold but you need to be prepared to be a good employer and work with them to find a balance.

Pinkspecs · 16/09/2021 16:05

' The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties. '

Sorry I couldn't get passed that, isn't her duty meant to be to play games with her and entertain her?
Surely the actual childcare should be the priority.

Sounds like you need a cleaner too.

Derbee · 16/09/2021 16:35

Also, when you take on the responsibility of being someone’s employer, and they rely on the job you are providing, you have a responsibility to be a sensible and reasonable employer.

You husband wanting to “fire her ASAP” without any sort of discussion about conditions/expectations/pay etc is outrageously flippant.

It absolutely doesn’t matter whether someone works for you in an office, or in your home. There are ways of treating people, and managing professional relationships. You don’t seem to have grasped the concept yet

Wowthisisreal · 16/09/2021 18:02

"The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties"

What do you consider a nanny's duties to be?

ImprobablePuffin · 16/09/2021 19:50

OP with the first nanny, what discussions were had or warnings/probations given prior to being fired?

frerecoler · 16/09/2021 19:56

You can have a very frank and honest discussion.

As a nanny, when I was happy, I never looked anywhere else.

As a mother, I made sure the conditions and pay were not only competitive but that they felt valued, so that they would not feel the need to look for other work.

Good childcare should be valued, but it doesn't sound like either of you are happy!

I would explain to her that a salary increase is impossible at the moment, terms and conditions are as per signed contract.

I would also interview for other nannies to consider your options.

languagelover96 · 17/09/2021 08:00

It sounds like you need to learn a lesson and move on. Find another childcare provider pronto because clearly neither of you are happy.

Hopeisallineed · 17/09/2021 08:09

A nanny is not an au pair. Their primary job is to make sure the child is happy, healthy. And cared for. If you were annoyed about a dropped dummy and a few plates, you sound like you are pretty difficult to work for. You need to prioritise and really think about what a nanny’s role is and what is most important. I would say if the child is happy and being cared for well, then a few unclean dishes could be overlooked and I certainly would have spoken to the nanny and given her a chance to rectify this, before sacking her after 2 months.

steppemum · 17/09/2021 08:22

OP, in your posts you overreact to the things people are saying, and are very defensive.
I wonder if you ar elike that in real life too?

basic mistake is to employ someone unqualified. People get qualifications for a reason. You are are also all over the place with pay.

If you are an employer, you need to set it up properly including things like NI payments, holiday pay etc. You need a good contract.

If something is not working, you sit down as professionals and lay out your expectations.

Employing someone is a big deal. It is not liek getting a babysitter.

Kitkat151 · 17/09/2021 08:28

you sound like a lovely person....have a nice day
Why the sarcasm OP? 🙄

SirChenjins · 17/09/2021 08:41

I suspect the OP didn’t quite get the responses she was hoping for here, and probably won’t be back…

Nomorepies · 17/09/2021 08:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Thethreecs · 17/09/2021 09:06

It's like any person we hire to work for us, whether it's a plumber, electrician or builder etc we are hoping that they are good at their job and that their references are real and not made by friends and that they'll do the work we want them to do. The only difference here, is, that this is your child so of course you want to get it absolutely right.

It can take time to find a person that fits with your family. Not everyone is going to be perfect and it's trial and error. The positive you can take from this, is that you are now more aware of what you need and expect.

I would probably lay out at interview stage what you would require from them. Basic things that we would assume they would do like washing child's food utensils, sometimes it has to be spelt out, however I do think making a list of what you expect is not unreasonable, you don't have to sit there rhyming off your list, you could have it discreetly in a note pad and just refer to it when you need. Or make a joke saying that you've made a list, you promise you're not weird but it helps you to remember everything that's important to you.

During the interview you can discuss what play, learning etc that you like, or ask them what kind of activities they suggest.

It breaks my heart when I see the nannies beside me basically ignoring the child, my ndn use to run a creche for her friends, the greetings in the morning were so over the top, I could hear the HELLO, HOW ARE YOU, GREAT TO SEE YOU, YOU'RE FAB, YOU'RE THIS AND THAT, and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer and she sat sunbathing or on wet days I'd hear her hoover going for hours.

Children adapt easily, don't worry about changing nannies, when they start school they will have regular changes of teachers. There's no harm in them getting use to different people, it will stand to you when you want to have a night out or a weekend away and use different people /family to babysit.

NuffSaidSam · 17/09/2021 09:25

'and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer'

What was the outcome when you reported this?!

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