Nannies -- I need advice please!

[OurLittlePumpkin]

Hello lovely nannies (and Mums with nannies - feel free to throw in any advice, too!!)

I am a full-time live-out nanny to three wonderful children. I am pregnant and my employer has informed me that they are planning on sending the eldest back to school in a couple of weeks. I'm slightly confused for a number of reasons.
They both work full-time from home and therefore I look after the kids for them so they don't have to. As far as I am aware the schools are mostly opening for a place to send the kids who don't have childcare so parents can get back to work and start boosting up the economy again. Everyone I know is keeping their kids at home until at least September as they don't feel comfortable and its almost summer.
I think it's a needless added risk as I am currently home schooling perfectly fine. They also get enough exercise. Also, if they go back at the end of June it'll only be for a few weeks as they'll break for summer holidays shortly after. I just really don't see the point. With me being pregnant and my husband still working from home, and because they are not our children and I can't risk my family getting poorly I think I should say something about how uncomfortable it makes me feel. I guess I'm just looking for advice? Am I being totally unreasonable or are my concerns valid. I haven't seen my family since Xmas and am trying to do the right thing by isolating as long as poss. They haven't been isolating I know that much. Which is another thing that makes my blood boil. Anyway this could turn into a mega rant so I'll leave it there. Hope it makes sense. Frantically typing as been meaning to send this post for ages and keep getting distracted 😂😂
Oh and also they haven't even asked how I'm feeling about having people in the house like cleaners, delivery men and engineers. Is that odd? Am I expecting too much to be considered as this is where I work? I've had no risk assessments at all. They haven't asked if I'm OK about the child going back to school. Just feel a bit walked over.
OK I'm done!!!!!!!
Thanks in advance 😊 xx

My thoughts are that you work for them. You don't really have any say in their decisions and they don't need to consult you about how they live their lives.

i recommend joining the group Nanny Chat, you’ll get lots of advice and quickly personally i don’t think it’s worth the risk to you as like you said it’s more childcare than learning, what does the child think?

@spied

Thanks. This has totally crossed my mind that I am being paid to do a job. What has also crossed my mind is I am now responsible for my child and I have a voice and should speak up if I feel uncomfortable in my place of work. Why have a nanny if you're going to utilise the school during an ongoing pandemic?! And possibly bring unwanted germs into the house. Just my thoughts.

@z0fl0ra love the username!! I will search for this group thank you so much!! The child isn't even aware as they've told me not to mention it to them.

I think you need to find another job or start shielding at home if you're worried about your own safety. The rest of the things you've talked about (cleaners, delivery men, decision to send kid to school etc) is quite frankly none of your business.

Everyone I know is keeping their kids at home until at least September - I'm a bit surprised to hear this. Nearly everyone I know who has the option of a school place has taken it.

However, as you are pregnant I understand that you are more worried than most. You could open a conversation with your employer about how you feel. But I think you need to word it carefully as you don't want to sound like you are judging their parenting decisions.

@CannonCaboodle thank you for your feedback, I would rather be at home shielding but cannot leave or I don't get maternity pay after being employed continuously in jobs since I was 17, not something I'm willing to give up that easily and I'm just looking for some guidance about whether or not to have an adult conversation and question their decisions. I guess I just think differently to most people. If I had someone looking after my babies who was pregnant or not, I'd check they were OK with how things were going. I'm swiftly getting the impression that is just me though..

As a pregnant employee you should be entitled to a risk assessment to review safety in the workplace. www.hse.gov.uk/mothers/faqs.htm

I would also read and discuss with your employer the guidance on covid for employers www.gov.uk/guidance/working-safely-during-coronavirus-covid-19/homes. I don't think you should say that they should not be sending their child to school but there will be other measures that can make your workplace safe e.g ensuring you arenot in comtact with the tradesmen etc.

@Angelonia yes, everyone I know that has school age kids are not sending them back. To be honest I'm surprised too as some of them would really benefit from taking a space!!

Absolutely agree with you, I don't want to judge although I see why it could come across that way.

Ahh I guess I'm just being too precious?!?

If you raise it with them you need to be careful about how you word it. Some of your posts sound like you are judging them for their parenting decisions.
My child is going back to school shortly but the decision has less to do with childcare and education and more to do with their mental health. They need to see friends and get other stimulation.
I get that you’re pregnant and see this as a risk. You need to talk to your employer and work out what the best solution is for all of you.
With regards to other people coming in I would ask they they arrange it for when you’re not there.

You’re an employee, so you should do a risk assessment with them and read about the covid guidance.

But I’m afraid unless you are actually in the shielding group, you are expected to continue working and they can certainly bring workmen in, send their children to school etc.

So have a conversation with them about the fact that pregnant women are advised to be extra careful, and agree on what protective measures you can reasonably take.

But be careful not to let on that you disagree with their choices - I’m a nanny employer and tbh I wouldn’t take that very well if our nanny started criticising our decisions like that.

I think you are being a little bit precious TBH.

You admit you have chosen to go in so that you get the benefit of maternity pay. You must presumably accept that you are content to be exposed to a certain level of risk in exchange for that mat pay. If the level of risk has (in your view) gone beyond what you consider acceptable then you still have the option to stay home. That may have financial consequences (both immediately and in terms of mat leave). That's your choice though.

I'd also bear in mind that if you want to return after mat leave, you may want them 'on side'. Eg would you want to take your baby with you? How will that work? Will you want PT/flexibility?

Congratulations on your pregnancy! This is tough for you, as of course you must be anxious for your baby and want to do the safest thing. I think you might need to chat with your employers but I would be very careful how you word it. Just express your concerns about your own safety, don't make this a "Well should you REALLY be having a cleaner in??" etc. . I'm not sure how much scope you have to question their decisions as they haven't made a very controversial decision by any means and I'm sympathetic with them wanting to send their child back. My twins are going back to school as soon as it opens. All my friends are sending their kids back or have already had places for key worker's kids throughout.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

@weepingwillow22 thank you for the links, much appreciated.

@HotDogGuy I agree you're right it does seem as though I'm judging. Perhaps I am. It's difficult as I feel like when you're a nanny (this is the 3rd family I've been with) you're decisions or feelings don't come into play at all. And that can be quite tiresome.

Thank you for your comments 😊

@GeriGeranium thank you very much. I will have a conversation and be careful with my words!

@2kool4skool thanks for your input.

@2kool4skool sorry hit send too early. I'm not content to be exposed to the risks of getting ill hence I'm not comfortable with the higher exposure of coming into contact with everyone at school. My point is, and the reason I mentioned mat leave, is it's a tricky decision on what is sensible and what is safe. I am just looking for some friendly advice.

I won't be returning so that isn't an issue.

We're actually really good friends, which is why I think I'm confused that I haven't been included in any plans to start relaxing our households lockdown.

Anyway thanks for your reply 😊

@MoreCookiesPlease thank you so much!!
I totally agree, nothing they've done is too controversial I guess I'm just feeling a bit down as I want the best for myself and my baby, but at the time need an income. Like everyone, it is not easy.
I guess I'm just questioning the reason to send them back for 2/3 weeks (part time so only a couple of days a week) considering they already have solid childcare in place and the way we work at the moment is really great and has protected us all.

Thank you for your comments. X

Kids need to get back to school especially if they are taking exams next year. The risk is very low. If my childcare person had suggested that my kids didn't return to school it would have been enough to make me consider their employment, education is so important and the schools wouldn't reopen if the risk was high.

Also it's worth adding my questions, concerns and "judgements" most likely come from a place of perhaps confusion and resentment for not having any risk assessments done!

OP. Surely you've been a nanny long enough to know their family will always come before you and your own.

If you're planning to return to work as a NWOC I'd seriously reconsider. You think this is bad? Wait till your own kids constantly at the bottom of the consideration list.

Hard truths though I've no doubt someone will come along to rave about how well they treat theirs..... no matter how nice you are when the chips are down nanny care is bottom because you are replaceable

@okiedokieme agree but the child in question is in year 1, so no exams for quite a while.

If you'd read my message I am homeschooling and I'm a qualified tutor so the standard is probably higher than what they will be receiving in school right now given the circumstances. Wow really? The fact I am human and have feelings and levels of comfort results in my employment being questioned? Because I'm trying to be sensible and safe for everyone I'm in contact with, including my baby, my husband, the parents and the littlest babies I care for? Every case is different and it affects different people in different ways, and it is still relatively new. Wish people would stop acting like everything is OK. The schools have reopened to more pupils, not just for key workers, to help start up the economy. I can see why I don't post on mumsnet now 😂

A lot of nanny employers don’t really know about or remember formal risk assessments - not out of malice or indifference, just that they’re parents needing childcare, not HR professionals so they’re not set up to do those in the same way as a big company would be.

Tbh I wouldn’t expect to consult our nanny at all about those kind of decisions. It’s my family and my household and I don’t need her approval.

But as you’re pregnant I do think you should ask them for a risk assessment, explain your concerns and ask to agree a plan to minimise risks, just don’t come across as though you resent not being consulted or disagree with their choices as that’s likely to offend them!

@Takingontheworld absolutely. I guess I should have thought before posting as you're totally right and we are always at the bottom of the pecking order. I'm not taking my baby to work and will stay at home as fortunately we are in a position to do that. Couldn't agree with what you said more. X

I'm a full time live out nanny (although not pregnant so slightly different situation), the parents are key workers, one working from home , the other in a hospital. I've worked throughout the lockdown. The two eldest kids went back to school last week. The parents discussed this with me and between us we thought it was the best thing for the children who were badly missing social interaction with their peers.
I'm okay with this, I feel the risk to myself isn't that high, but if you have concerns about your pregnancy you need to bring it up with the employer's like you would in any other work situation.